If a true friend gave their honest opinion about something with good intentions, you would hope the friend would not take offense.
Unfortunately, Redditor clearlenty learned that expressing a dietary concern regarding the groom’s wedding reception dinner may not have been a good idea.
So they visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for telling a friend the wedding we are invited to will not have a vegan plate for her?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I used to live with two other guys ‘Eric’ and ‘Andre.'”
“Eric is getting married and showed me the catering menu back before they booked and I didn’t think much of it, I did read that it said they would provide up to 7 complimentary vegan meals so it seemed like the menu covered anything I could think of.”
“Well the wedding is in December and I just heard that they decided not to request vegan meals for any of the guests because they are having a family style dinner and think having randomly plated food will look weird and the bonus of family style is not having to worry about accommodating people, they can get what they like.”
“I think they’re way overthinking it, no one is going to notice a plate and the family style menu will not provide enough food to accommodate vegans.”
“The salad has cheese and neither dressing is vegan and the summer squash medley is being served underneath one of the entrees so I’m pretty sure vegans will not be able to eat from that plate.”
“Eric and his fiancé ignored my concerns and kept saying they (the vegans) can figure it out.”
“Only the marinated eggplant side and fruit on the desert table look suitable for the whole night.”
“There’s nothing to ‘figure out’ except that you should eat elsewhere if you’re vegan. So I told Andre to warn his (vegan) girl to bring food or eat before hand.”
“Andre asked Eric about the food situation. Apparently, that was super rude of me to imply Eric and his fiancée are sh**ty, inconsiderate hosts.”
“I feel like I can’t say they don’t fit the description but was it not my business to warn a friend?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA – Eric said vegans can ‘figure it out’ but they can’t figure it out without a heads up beforehand. If Eric feels like a sh**ty, inconsiderate host, perhaps he should do some reflection on that rather than shoot the messenger.”
“Edit to add: this whole thing is made even worse by the fact Eric was planning on having vegan options, but got rid of them because he couldn’t deal with a seating chart and felt it was too difficult for catering to identify the vegans without one (and apparently self-identifying with ‘hey, I’m vegan’ is too complicated).”
“Guests have already RSVPd and stated their dietary requirements, so they are going to assume there’s food for them and realize that’s not the case when it’s too late for them to figure anything out. Giving me real ‘I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas’ vibes.” – soundlikebutactually
“Exactly. A good way to avoid looking like an inconsiderate host is to communicate with your guests. Especially when it’s about something as important as said guests having a dietary conflict with the catering.” – calliatom
“NTA. I mean….Eric and the fiance did say that the vegans can figure it out, and eating beforehand/bringing food is a good way to figure things out.”
“As a vegetarian, I’ve never minded needing to eat/bring my own food places, but what really sucks is when I show up somewhere thinking I’ll be fed and the only thing that I can eat is a bit of salad and bread.”
“It’s not fair of Eric to just go “they’ll figure it out” and then be upset when he’s questioned about the food situation. You were being considerate to Andre’s partner by letting him know ahead of time.” – ttt_tia23
“NTA. I don’t think you would’ve been an a**hole if you hadn’t said anything, and I think it was very nice and considerate of you to warn someone when they’re going to be impacted by the bride & groom’s choices.”
“Sounds like they’re just made for getting called out on the fact that they’re being ‘sh**ty, inconsiderate hosts.’ If the shoe fits.” – TriZARAtops
“NTA. They specifically stated that there would be accommodations made, and then removed accommodations with no real plan to tell anyone.”
“I myself am vegan, and don’t expect to be accommodated for, so I don’t plan on eating at events like this. If someone were to tell me that vegan food would be available, however, I would absolutely plan on eating at the event.” – GothicArmadillo
In response, the OP clarified:
“To be fair, I don’t know who all saw the proposed menu. I just mentioned seeing that to explain why I didn’t ask them what vegans were supposed to do the first time we discussed the menu.”
“But we also all RSVPd with our dietary needs so I would have taken that as a confirmation I would be eating if I was a vegan tbh.”
Redditor idreaminwords observed:
“NTA. The fact that they could have had up to 7 vegan meals free of charge and decided not to because of ‘aesthetic’ does in fact make them inconsiderate hosts. You weren’t taking unnecessary digs or stirring up drama, you were just warning your friend so that his date is prepared.”
The OP said:
“They did mention the aesthetic first but I ultimately got the impression this was because they had been struggling with a seating chart and after they abandoned it they didn’t want to deal with the kitchen having to find where the vegan plants went.”
“I feel like if the caterer offers these plates they should have some kind of solution for this but who knows.”
Overall, Redditors continued supporting the OP for speaking up about the groom’s deliberate decision to prioritize aesthetics over accommodating wedding guests with dietary restrictions.