There is always bound to be a certain amount of tension at weddings when one partner has children from a previous marriage.
There might be animosity from the children, who are less than thrilled that one of their parents is remarrying, particularly if they are children of divorce.
While the new bride or groom might be worried about ever being accepted by children who are not biologically theirs.
Ideally, however, they will accept one another from the get-go, and grow to love each other as if they were blood relations.
Things seemed to be fine between the daughter and fiancé of Redditor throwawaywedcake13.
So much so that the original poster (OP) even thought it might be a good idea for her daughter to handle one of the most important elements of the wedding.
Upon hearing of this plan, however, the OP’s fiancé was vehemently against it, even going so far as to say her daughter might “embarrass” them on their wedding day.
Wondering if her idea was so out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for wanting my daughter to make my wedding cake although my future husband is refusing?”
The OP explained how her daughter had a skill set that she thought could come in handy at her upcoming wedding until her fiancé expressed his absolute disapproval.
“I (36 F[emale]) have a daughter (16 F[emale]) who loves baking, and she’s incredibly good at it.”
“It’s been her passion since she was 3 and I encourage her to follow it and discover more ways to become better at it.”
“I even enrolled her in a few classes in the academy to learn more.”
“I met my fiancé (41, M[ale]) 2 and a half years ago.”
“We’re getting married soon.”
“And for the wedding cake, I had an idea which’s to have my daughter bake the cake and decorate it for us.”
“My daughter agreed and was so excited to do it.”
“My fiancé glanced at me when he heard about it then when we were alone he snapped and said ‘I can’t believe you’re being serious about this’.’
“I told him why not, it’s not like we’re having a huge formal wedding with many guests.”
“Just a small party with our family and loved ones.”
“He said this was a ‘f*cking joke’ and that he will not let ‘a child’ bake our wedding cake while there are tons of professional bakers out there who can make a much more decent looking/tasting one.”
“I said I didn’t understand the problem because I thought he loved her baking.”
“He responded ‘I do love what she bakes but let’s just stick to the muffins and brownies.'”
“I told him he was being unreasonable and that his words were hurtful to me and my daughter and her abilities.”
“He told me to be more realistic and think about what the guests will say.”
“Again, I said all the guests are family and friends so I doubt they’d make any negative comments about the cake knowing my daughter made it.”
‘Matter of a fact, they might even think it’s sweet.”
“He got mad and said that there was nothing sweet about getting embarrassed on his wedding day.”
“We argued for over 2 hours just going back and forth on the issue.’
‘Later, I got a call from his mother telling me that I should start being rational and look at things from her son’s perspective.”
“She suggested we get a ‘professional’ cake for the wedding then have my daughter maybe bake some cupcakes for the buffet or something.”
“But I wasn’t convinced and felt like they’re deciding my wedding’s plans for me and forcing what they want on me.”
“I don’t care how the cake will look but it’s the sentiment I care about.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not at all the a**hole for wanting her daughter to bake her wedding cake.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s fiancé was being irrationally angry, with many feeling that his behavior, particularly how he ran to his mother, was a sign that the OP should end her engagement.
“Why is he running to his mom when you two have a disagreement?”
“Please don’t marry this man.”
“This is a small glimpse of your future with him.”- NickelPickle2018
“NTA and for your daughter’s sake, please don’t marry this guy.”- PriceyChemistry
“You really want to marry this guy?”
“Girl run, seriously.”
‘Not just because of his behavior, but his mother called you?”
“Told you to be rational?”
“Got involved in your argument?”
“No, absolutely not.”
‘Do you want that for the rest of your life?”
“I promise you it WILL get worse.”
“The fact that she feels comfortable enough to do that is shocking but she’s not been told not to do it again and not to get involved so she’s had the green light to do it any time there is an issue.”
“Even if he would prefer a ‘professional’ baked cake, there was no reason to be so hurtful in his delivery.”
“Please don’t marry an adult man who has his mother call you after an argument.”- bipolarlibra314
“NTA I think it’s really sweet you want your daughter involved and encouraging something she is passionate about.”
“You’re very confident in her abilities which shows.”
“Though OP if you are into a petty man who runs away to mama when he doesn’t get his way, your FH sounds just about perfect for you.”
‘His attitude and response are just giving red flags all around.”
“GoodLuck with that.”- Chantalle22
“Is he controlling in other ways?”
“It’s weird for a man to care this much and insane that he got his mommy involved.”- saltychica
“The fact that he ran to the mommy to back him up.”
“That’s totally sweet to have your daughter do this.”
“It’s probably a super special thing for her.”
“Why is he so bothered by it.”- CaughtMeIfYouCan101
“He behaved like a child throwing a tantrum, said he would be embarrassed by your daughter’s cake, then set his mother on you.”
“Why are you marrying this man?”
“Could see both parts tbh.”
“On one hand you probably should have had a conversation about it before bringing it up to your daughter, just to be sure your future husband didn’t have an issue with it for some reason.”
“But I also think that he’s definitely overreacting if this is a smaller family/friends type wedding.”
“Leaning more towards NTA but just use this as a lesson of sorts to consult with your husband on matters that concern you both in the future.”
“Chances are that you guys will agree on most things if you share similar values anyways.”
“But yeah I’m gonna vote NTA.”- Legerdamain
“His mother needs to step out.”
‘My mom made my cake, from a Martha Stewart recipe, and it was lovely and delicious.”
“A cake made by your daughter would be very meaningful and special.”- grayhairedqueenb*tch
“Wait, what, a 41 yo man had his mommy call you, to reason with you?”
“That, and how he spoke to you, is what I’m hung up on.”
“Is this normal behavior?”- Primary_Valuable5607
“You might be if you marry this man.”
“If you do, you are telling your daughter she comes second and always will.”- vandeervecken
“I had no opinion till he got mommy involved.”
“Is he going to run to her every time you have a disagreement?”
“Then mommy sticks her nose into your fight.”
“Oh hell no!”- Expert_Pride7285
“If your fiancé wants a professional cake, why not treat your daughter like a professional baker?’
“Ask her to make sample cakes that you can choose from and pay her for her time.”
“That way, fiancé can be reassured that he won’t be embarrassed by the cake, or you can find out ahead of time that your daughter is not ready for this challenge and avoid any embarrassment.”-shenshenw
“Please please please please do not marry this man.”
“My wife baked and decorate our wedding cakes for our wedding.”
“Everyone loved it, I’m sure your daughter will do a bang-up job on the breakup cake.”
“But please don’t marry this man.”
“He is more concerned with what other people think than your happiness or the happiness of your child.”
“He has no appreciation for an incredibly sweet offer from your daughter.”
“He told his mommy on you.”- Tacodiles
What’s perhaps most upsetting about the reaction of the OP’s fiancé is his reluctance to let his soon-to-be stepdaughter bake the cake for fear of optics, and apparently nothing else.
When he could have allowed her to do it as a gesture to show he’ll love her as if he were her real father.
One hopes he takes the time to reflect and decide which is more important to him, his wedding or his marriage.
And he better reflect quickly, as should the OP listen to the Reddit community, there might not be a wedding, effectively making his decision for him.