As much as we may love our closest friends, there's a distinct possibility that we will not love their significant others.
In some cases, the strain can be so terrible, it can ruin the original friendship, or at least lead to spending far less time together, agreed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwawaylefty56 tried to be understanding when his best friend wanted him to attend his wedding but decided to respect his wife's wish to not invite him.
When it came time for his own wedding, the Original Poster (OP) decided he would handle the situation a little differently: to invite his best friend but not his wife.
He asked the sub:
"AITA for not giving my married friend a plus-one invitation to my wedding?"
The OP did not want his best friend's wife to attend his wedding.
"I (33 Male) am getting married next summer."
"I invited a friend from university to my wedding but intentionally did not give him a plus-one invitation for his wife."
"His wife and I do not get along. She attended university with us, and we had our fair share of fights then and a rather large fuss some five-odd years ago."
Previous events put a serious strain on their relationship.
"She cheated on my friend at university, and they broke up. I was not as warm to her after that but not outwardly mean."
"She wanted him back, he asked for advice, and I said don't do it. He took her back anyways (obviously, his right to do so), but I remained more distant from her."
"Not sure if my friend told her that I advised they remain broken up (would not be surprised) or if it was just me not being as friendly, but she turned nasty on me."
"Five years ago, I called her out for her b***hy behavior after she hurt me with multiple rude comments. Alcohol was involved, and admittedly, I could have handled the situation with more finesse."
"Our interaction ruined a wonderful evening. Once we sobered up the following day, I apologized for my part and expected the same in return. Instead, she not only refused to apologize or accept any blame, but she also entirely rejected my apology."
The OP rarely saw his friend's wife, including at his best friend's wedding.
"We live on opposite sides of our country and only see each other a couple of times a year (if that) for special occasions like other friends' weddings. His wife and I can be generally cordial now but mostly avoid or ignore one another."
"They got married around four years ago, and I was not invited to their wedding."
"My friend told me (in no uncertain terms) that he wanted me there, but his wife did not, and that he chose to respect her wishes on her big day."
"I was disappointed but understanding and never let it affect our friendship."
The OP decided not to invite his best friend's wife in return.
"I am having a big wedding and all guests with spouses, fiancés, and serious boyfriends or girlfriends are getting plus-one invitations, except for my friend."
"It is not a numbers issue, I simply do not want his wife in attendance."
"I have considered the likelihood that my friend will RSVP no given the lack of a plus-one, but I am okay with this outcome."
"I have no intention of telling him ahead of time that most others are getting a plus one, but I'm aware that he is most likely going to find out."
The OP's other loved ones were torn over how he was handling the situation.
"My fiancé and I obviously discussed this matter, and she is fully supportive of this decision."
"Other friends that I have spoken to tell me that I'm being ruthless and basically should not have even invited my friend if I wasn't going to give him a plus one for his wife."
"So… am I the a**hole?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that it was his wedding, and he could invite who he wished.
"NTA. The only thing OP maybe could have done better is to be even more transparent with his friend, something like:"
"'Look, you know the situation. I don't know how you feel, but I would love for you to come to my wedding. But since it's my wedding and I want people there that I'm comfortable with, that unfortunately means I'm not comfortable extending you a plus-one invitation. It's not an act of revenge and I don't want to be disrespectful. I just want my friend there and for everyone to have a good time. I'll be happy if you come, but I'll also understand if you decide not to.'"
"But maybe I'm biased because I'm usually surrounded by pretty mature people who can take this level of honesty." - West-Leopard-3094
"NTA. You have direct evidence that she feels the same as you do, and it prevented you from going to a good friend's wedding. It's not like you're shocking her with the fact that your feelings aren't reciprocated. I would communicate with your friend, though, that she is not invited and that only his name on the invite wasn't a mistake." - DragoBrokeMe
"NTA... If she didn't want you at her wedding, then it's reasonable to not want her at yours... I don't think your friend will be hurt or surprised that his wife isn't invited..." - Queen_Queen420
"I was prepared to say OP is the AH (because normally you should always include spouses and serious significant others as plus-ones, even if you don't like them) UNTIL I got halfway down and saw he was not invited to the friend's wedding at the wife's request."
"Honestly, she is not gonna want to OP's wedding anyway. This is justified under the circumstances."
"NTA, OP." - firefliesfly80
"OP is NTA with his current plan, but inviting her as well is a good olive branch, especially if you want your friend there."
"It's your wedding, so like there's more than just this couple there. You give them a 'hey, thanks for coming' comment and hang out with your buddy, and his wife can sit off to the side and get to know Uncle Jerry or something."
"But yeah, I think solely inviting his friend has the possibility to ice out the friendship. The friend already put one nail in the coffin by not even inviting OP to his wedding, but they've moved past that."
"Up to you really, OP, you've got a good plan either way." - Thatsaclevername
"NTA. I get it, but just understand that your friendship may not be the same."
"Also, consider that inviting her allows you to keep the moral high ground. If the friendship survives, she'll now be able to throw the 'but he didn't invite me, either!' card."
"If you don't care about that or that the friendship possibly being damaged, then go for it." - No-Investigator-6528
Others thought the OP was the AH for sending an invite without a discussion first.
"Mild YTA. You are under no obligation to invite her, and as you've said you're expecting him to say no and you're ok with that, so you're not acting entitled."
"However... You said, 'I have no intention of telling him ahead of time that most others are getting a plus-one invitation, but I'm aware that he is most likely going to find out.'"
"This is where I think you're in the wrong. Giving him a heads-up rather than him finding out either on the day or from somebody else makes it seem deceptive. I think a quick heads-up to explain the situation would be best."
"Also, do you really want him to find out on the day itself and potentially cause a scene? Or for him to look/act annoyed the whole day and ruin the vibe? Surely it's best to give him the full information up front and he can make an informed decision." - UncleSnowstorm
"I'm going to say YTA, mainly because you invited him."
"In this situation, I would have left them both off. I don't care what the reasons are, but if you invite someone who's married to a wedding, you invite their spouse. Period."
"You just should have never extended the invite to either of them. Especially after you weren't invited to their wedding. It wasn't just her who didn't invite you. It was his wedding too, and he went along with it."
"Not sure what your intent was to invite just him. Just create more issues?" - djjsin
"NTA for not wanting someone you dislike at your wedding. Your big day, your big choice."
"YTA for sending an invite to a married couple without the plus-one invitation."
"As your friends stated, it would have been better to not invite him at all. Your invite can cause your friend headaches about how to handle you and your request (he will know for sure your friends have a plus-one) and troubles in his marriage."
"You can dislike someone but you don't have to cause trouble in their marriage. It's petty."
"Did you already send the invites? Sounds weird to mail invites a year in advance. Wedding invites are usually sent a few months before the wedding."
"If the official invite was not mailed yet, don't mail it. They made the right call by not inviting you to their wedding as you and his spouse don't like each other. Return the favor." - PunkYak
"You are right and I understand the thinking, but still unfortunately YTA. I wouldn't want her there either, but by not inviting her, you are not recognizing your friend's wife and someone who is important to him."
"I had a somewhat similar situation where my friend's wife did not like my wife (they had a history before we all got together but were cordial with each other and just didn't interact)."
"I was invited with no plus-one invitation. I really wanted to go for my friend, but because my wife was not acknowledged, I declined. After that, it did affect my relationship with him since he wouldn't stick up for me as his friend." - sc61723529129
"YTA (softly because I understand why you are doing what you are doing)."
"This is an impossible situation you are in. You were hurt by your friend's wife and do not want her at the wedding, but they are married, which means if you invite him, you invite her."
"Probably the best course in an impossible situation is to not invite your friend. If/when he asks, just tell him you know how his wife feels about you, and you did not think she would want to attend... Not perfect, but better than not giving your friend a plus-one invitation and making it so clear that this is a vendetta issue that would force your friend to choose his wife and perhaps end things with you." - TracklessTinder
The subReddit could completely understand why the OP didn't like his best friend's wife, and even why he didn't want her to attend his wedding, especially after she specifically didn't invite him to hers. That said, they were much more divided over the OP's wedding invitation plan.
Not inviting the wife would certainly make a statement, but in the best case scenario, his friend wouldn't attend his wedding, and in the worst case scenario, it might ruin their friendship for good, all in the opening of one piece of mail.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.