Step-sibling relationships can be difficult to navigate.
Not every blended family blends smoothly.
Sometimes everybody gets super close… or sometimes it’s more of an acquaintance situation.
Depending on the relationship, these outcomes can affect many “family” events.
Redditor Saltlakecity126 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for choosing my best friend as my best man instead of my stepbrother?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m (24 M[ale]) getting married to my fiancée (28 [Female]) in two weeks.”
“My stepbrother, ‘Pete’ (25 M), is mad that I chose my best friend, ‘Charles’ (28 M), as my best man.”
“Honestly, choosing Charles was a no-brainer because Pete and I aren’t close.”
“Yeah, we’re stepbrothers, but we never lived together.”
“I used to live with my mom, and he lives with my dad and stepmom.”
“We didn’t go to school together.”
“We only ‘hung out’ when I visited my dad, and even then, the times he came out of his room when I was over were few and far between, even in the last 6 months.”
“I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve talked to Pete.”
“Whereas I’ve talked to Charles pretty much every day in the last 6 months.”
“I used to invite Pete to do things with me and call to chat so we could actually have a brotherly relationship, but he never accepted any of my invitations or answered any of my calls, so I gave up trying.”
“He’s made it clear to me that he doesn’t want much to do with me.”
“On the other hand, Charles and I are really close.”
“Charles and I have known each other for 11 years, and we used to hang out pretty much every day.”
“He chose me as his best man for his wedding.”
“He’s like an older brother to me. I’ve gone to him for advice, and I’ve been there for him when he needs me.”
“If I’m being completely honest, I see Charles as a brother, while I don’t really see Pete as a brother, or even a stepbrother, just the son of the woman my dad married.”
“Nothing against Pete.”
“He seemed like a decent guy, and he was (and still is) invited to the wedding; he just wasn’t in the wedding party because he’s basically a stranger.”
“Anyway, the whole reason I made this post is because I got a text from Pete earlier today.”
“He found out I chose Charles as my best man and said he was hurt that I didn’t choose him, then he demanded I make him my best man.”
“I apologized and said I was sticking with Charles, and he messaged back, saying he wasn’t coming if he wasn’t my best man.”
“Around half an hour after that, I got a call from my step-mother.”
“She went off on me for not choosing Pete as my best man.”
“She said I should have chosen him because ‘we’re brothers.'”
“She ended her rant by saying she wasn’t coming if Pete wasn’t my best man, then she hung up.”
“Shortly after that, I got a text from my dad saying I should just make Pete my best man to keep the peace.”
“Now there’s this little voice in the back of my head that’s wondering if I should just make Pete my best man.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for choosing my best friend instead of my stepbrother as my best man?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“This is the same step-brother who got upset when you gave your fiancée a ‘forehead kiss’ and told you to ‘stop forcing your perfect relationship down his throat,’ right?”
“Where on earth does this ‘little voice’ come from?”
“Sounds to me as though you need to invite your Dad out for a coffee and tell him just what you told us.”
“There was a time when you made overtures and issued invitations, trying to become friendlier, but Pete made it clear he didn’t want much to do with you, and you respected that.”
“As a result, you don’t have much of a relationship with Pete, and what you do have is marginal.”
“Where does that ‘little voice’ even come from?”
“NTA, but you will be if you ditch Charles for Pete.”
“Your ‘best man’ is supposed to be someone who stands by you personally and supports your relationship.”
“It’s quite common for people to choose a close friend over a distant sibling.”
“If Pete now wants to build a closer relationship, it needs to start within the family and socially, not at a major life milestone.”
“You’re not going to be choosing as best man someone who has never wanted to be close to you before, and who recently criticized your relationship and you at one of the rare times you saw him; you will choose someone who has been there for you on the daily for the past 11 years.”
“Tell your Dad if this causes him, his wife, or her son to not attend your wedding, you’ll miss him, but you won’t be blackmailed, and that ‘keep the peace’ sounds like shorthand for ‘cave to unreasonable demands so my wife will stop hassling me.'”
“That sounds like a ‘him’ problem.”
“PS, I would bet that this whole thing is being spearheaded by Stepmom, who wants to present a ‘happy family’ front to relatives and friends.”
“Dollars to donuts if you got Pete alone and asked him why this is such a deal to him when he barely wants to spend time with you and even told you to stop forcing your relationship down his throat, it would come out that his Stepmom is pushing him to push for this.” ~ Constant_Host_3212
“I can say this as someone who was best man for my brother, and we did NOT have a good relationship (I am actually no contact with him for the past 10 years, but that’s not important here): PICK YOUR FRIEND!!!!”
“Especially if you plan to do a TON of photos after the wedding.”
“The smiles won’t be forced.”
“I’ve been to several friends’ weddings since my brother’s, and every time, I am all smiles naturally then.”
“I am not forcing a look, to be brotherly, to be goofy, to be an authentic self.”
“In every one of my brother’s wedding photos, I look like I have a stick up my a**. NTA.” ~ lostintime2004
“NTA. Why can’t Pete ‘keep the peace’ and accept that he isn’t your best man?”
“Why can’t Pete compromise since it’s not his wedding?”
“You shouldn’t have to compromise on YOUR wedding day that you and your fiancé are paying for.”
“If he doesn’t want to come, then so be it.”
“It’ll save you the cost of 2-3 people.” ~ LadyDes91
“NTA and everyone just discovered 2 weeks before the wedding, he wasn’t the best man.”
“That shows how out of touch he is with you and your life.”
“No, not change a thing.”
“If they don’t come, they don’t come.”
“But make sure they know that’s a bridge they are burning and they will have to be the ones to rebuild it when they have to cross back over.” ~ Distinct-Session-799
“NTA – your wedding, your choice.”
“Even if he was your bio brother, it would be ok for you not to have him as best man.”
“Just tell him and stepmom they are entitled to choose what they want to do.”
“The same as you are entitled to do what you want to do.” ~ FantasticBoot7205
“Absolutely NTA, I can’t understand how a person can try to make another couple’s wedding about themselves.”
“It’s YOUR wedding day, you choose who your best man is, and anyone who truly cares about you will just be happy for your big day and glad that they get to be there for you in whatever way you decide.” ~ REDDIT
“Absolutely NOT TA!”
“Your BEST friend should be your BEST man! Obviously!”
“You will regret it if you pick your stepbrother.”
“Whoever is YOUR beat man is YOUR choice.” ~ Kitchen_Upstairs_598
“It is relatively uncommon for brothers to be the best man.”
“It happens when brothers genuinely are each other’s best friends, and it also happens when the groom actually has no friends.”
“It would be normal to include your stepbrother as one of the groomsmen, but not be normal to have him as a best man. NTA.” ~ IanDOsmond
“NTA. Your wedding, your choice.”
“And Pete is in no way best man material if he is not coming for you to the wedding but to show off as a best man.”
“Your stepmom, you can ignore.”
“Yes, she has to stick up for her son, and if so be it.”
“Sad, but give her the option and don’t be mad.”
“For your dad – he wants to keep the peace at his home.”
“Ask him what would qualify Pete to be a best man.”
“When he was ever there for you.” ~ Trevena_Ice
“NTA. Your best man should be someone you deeply care for, not someone who happens to be family.” ~ Malyrtia
“NTA, This is your day.”
“Charles sounds like the BEST MAN for the job.”
“Tell your family that you’ll miss them at the wedding, but Charles is it.” ~ No1PoundPup
“NTA. If your stepmother and stepbrother decide not to attend, that’s their decision.”
“You shouldn’t feel pressured to have a fake best man!”
“Whose peace would you be keeping exactly?”
“Tell Dad to support you rather than pressure you into something uncomfortable.” ~ 3bag
“NTA, it’s your wedding… lol.”
“Laugh at him and tell him to think about how he’s acted these last few years.”
“Dude is a clown, man, of course, you’re NTA.” ~ mechshark
Reddit is firmly with you here, OP.
Your stepbrother and stepmother are completely out of line.
This is YOUR wedding, you get to make these decisions.
It’s sad that Dad isn’t stepping up for you.
You do you and enjoy your day!
Congratulations!