Some people can’t handle crowds or large events.
But sometimes crowds and large events are unavoidable.
Like weddings.
Weddings can be stressful for more people than just the couple of the hour.
So what does one do?
Especially if you’re a family member who’s meant to play a big part in the whole ordeal?
Whatever is decided can have long-lasting effects.
Case in point…
Redditor Medical_Comment_5527 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for leaving my son’s wedding early?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My son, Alan (26 M[ale]) has just recently gotten married to Helen (25-26 F[emale]).”
“I love them both very much.”
“It’s relevant to mention that I really dislike parties and large gatherings, I’m not sociable at all and I really just dislike them.”
“So it was kind of a downer when I heard that Alan and Helen were going to have a wedding with around 150 people.”
“I told Alan ahead of time that I would probably leave early and that me and the rest of our family would take two cars so that they could stay if they wanted to.”
“He looked like he didn’t mind at the time.”
“So at the wedding itself, after the ceremony, I basically told him that I was glad and it looked great but I was going to go home.”
“He asked if I was going to at least stay for cake or for food but the food didn’t look all that appetizing to me so I told him I was just going to leave.”
“He said ‘Alright whatever just go’ and I went back to my table to get my stuff.”
“I told my wife and she said she didn’t feel comfortable driving back alone (the venue was very far from us and the roads there were not great).”
“I said in that case she should come with me and after some hemming and hawing she agreed.”
“So we left.”
“Then two days later Alan’s new wife bombarded me and my wife with messages that she was disgusted with us, saying horrible things about us and insulting us as people and as parents.”
“Really just sickening.”
“I told her off and asked why she thought it was okay to talk to her in-laws like that and she said that us leaving ‘ruined’ the wedding for Alan and that he was very upset for the rest of the night.”
“She continued to berate us.”
“I politely told her to leave us alone and called Alan, mainly to inform him that his wife had a temper that he should know about.”
“When we talked about it he basically started berating me too and said things like ‘you always do this’ and ‘just leave me alone’ before hanging up.”
“I feel like I’m justified since I told him ahead of time that I wasn’t going to stay.”
“AITA here?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. You didn’t even stay for the meal that they’d paid for.”
“What an absolutely disgusting lack of love and respect from you as a parent.”
“You also strong-armed your wife into leaving too so your son had no parents present at his reception.”
“How you don’t see that you’re the AH is a mystery to me.” ~ CrystalQueen3000
“Yes and now he’s playing the victim card when the new daughter-in-law called him out.”
“Why even bother going if you can’t be there fully for your son on his wedding day.”
“The fact that you left before the mother/son dance or the speeches speaks volumes.”
“As does your comment about the food not being appetizing.”
“You’re son is fed up with you pulling this stunt every time he needs you.”
“Not sure why you can’t see that YTA.”
“By the way I might leave early does not mean right after the wedding ceremony I’m leaving.”
“Your son deserves so much better.” ~ PravinI123
“I don’t like people AND I absolutely hate weddings.”
“Still I stayed at my best friend’s wedding until the very end.”
“Then I had to spend 2 whole days alone to recover from all the social interactions but she was happy and that’s all that matters.” ~ Not_A_Girl_Next_Door
“I had the same experience after my best friend’s wedding.”
“I was the maid of honor and was there from the 7 a.m. set up to the 3 a.m. dismantling of tables and taking down decorations, with dancing, organizing, and a speech in between.”
“I sat in bed the entire next day with soft music and a book.”
“I couldn’t have held a conversation if my life depended on it.” ~ Allaboutbird
“Exactly. You behaved in an Adult manner instead of stamping your foot and demanding lollipops in a flavor you demanded at someone else’s party.”
“Dad, YTA.” ~ Diddly_Squatch
“I would do the same.”
“When you love someone.”
“You grit your teeth and power through.”
Social interactions really exhaust me. YTA.” ~ NefariousnessKey5365
“It’s even okay to have to excuse. yourself for say, 15 minutes to take a break.”
“Walk outside to ‘get something you left in the car’ or ‘get some air’ or whatever.”
“I’ve several times wandered and found a quiet corner or chair or bench outside for a break from the noise and crowd.”
“Then you GO BACK IN!” ~ ktgrok
“I went to a friend’s wedding with a 101-degree fever (that was over 20 years ago).”
“It was a Russian Orthodox ceremony – there are no pews, and everyone is standing for the entire religious portion which was about 40 minutes, the longest 40 minutes of my life!”
“And I stayed for a bit of the reception too, because it was important to her.”
“I finally had to apologize and leave because I was quickly approaching a state where I wouldn’t be safe to drive home.”
“OP, absolutely YTA, and I feel sorry for your family.”
“You may say you care about him but really, you only care about yourself.”
“Your selfishness and complete disregard for anyone else’s feelings have deprived your son of his father’s presence for the most important event of his adult life; and deprived your wife of enjoying her child’s wedding.” ~ illyria817
“Your son probably thought they meant like the wedding is like 5-9 with drinking and dancing last hour and he meant leaving at like 8:30 or something.”
“This AH was prob rushing the officiant so he could get out of there.”
“YTA and quit pretending you care about your son, you care about your own comfort 100% more.” ~ weebayfish
“When I read that he told his son he was gonna leave early and son was like yeah ok that’s fine.”
“I assumed OP would leave like an hour into the dance time.”
“Not before the reception even started. The f**k.”
“YTA big time.” ~ mistal04
“When he was going on about how he’s not ‘sociable’ so doesn’t like large gatherings and he was disappointed that they were having a large wedding.”
“I was rolling my eyes, but assuming what you were assuming – that he was going to sit through speeches and cake but then leave when the more formal stuff is mostly done.”
“Leaving just after the reception?”
“Incredibly rude, even if he was just a normal guest who had a meal paid for by the bridal party because they RSVP’d yes.”
“For a parent to do that?”
“So unspeakably rude.”
“Easy money is on the F[ather] I[n] L[aw] seeing how much it affected her new spouse and that’s why she’s messaging them ‘sickening’ things (probably these sickening things are nicer than what strangers on the internet are saying about him when they get his side of the story).”
“I guess OP will just have to live with not really having a son anymore when they go No Contact or Low Contact – given his behavior, I somehow don’t think he’ll actually mind all that much.” ~ haleorshine
“My heart breaks for the son/groom.”
“Can you imagine having to stay there for the rest of your evening, putting on your ‘happy face’ to their wedding guests and probably being asked 80 times where’s your parents?”
“Especially when they did mother/son, father/bride dances.”
“What was supposed to be one of the best days of his life became one of the longest days.”
“Dad is such a jerk. YTA.” ~coastalMurphy
“This was your son’s wedding and you’ve managed to make it all about you.”
“YOU don’t like parties.”
“YOU didn’t think the food looked appetizing.”
“YOU made your wife leave early.”
“YOU stopped him from celebrating the biggest moment of his life with the two people who were the most important people to be there aside from his wife and are supposed to love him the most.”
“Then your son got to spend the rest of his wedding reception explaining YOU and your failure to be present at HIS WEDDING to all his other wedding guests.”
“Then when his wife finally had enough of watching her new husband’s emotional trauma that YOU caused, she snapped and let you know how much she loves him.”
“Then YOU got offended that she called out your bulls**t, even if it was in a vile way.”
“YOU caused all this by valuing yourself and your desires above your own son on the biggest day of his life.”
“Shame on you. YTA.”
“ETA: You say you love your son.”
“But you couldn’t give him 3 hours of your precious time to celebrate the biggest day of his life with him.”
“Think about that for a moment.”
“How much do you really love him?”
“If it’s a lot you better find a way to SHOW him because your actions at the wedding showed him otherwise.” ~ MarketingManiac208
“YTA. I completely agree.”
“Your child’s wedding is a day to be a bit selfless.”
“It doesn’t look like you thought about your son or his feelings at all when making the decision to leave his wedding.”
“I get uncomfortable in big groups too, but you didn’t even TRY to go to the reception.”
“If you went and were having a panic attack in the bathroom, I’d understand where this is coming from but this was just you putting your personal preferences over one of the most important days of your child’s life.”
“You were as selfish as you could be.”
“And yes, I completely believe his wife has lots of feelings about his closest family members leaving his wedding before the reception because the wedding wasn’t important enough to try to attend.”
“Your son probably was very hurt and she’s right that he deserves better.” ~ Lawyer_Lady3080
Well, OP, Reddit has some serious thoughts on your actions.
It sounds like you have some soul-searching to do.
Perhaps starting with therapy will help.
It may be time to hash out some deep issues.
These issues are clearly affecting your son.
Hopefully, you can all sit down and talk about this calmly.