Being a parent is never easy.
No matter how old they get, there are always new things to learn about your kids.
Is this a new fact that you can relentlessly tease your kid about at the dinner table for years to come… or something that needs quick attending to in a more serious manner?
Case in point…
Redditor Normal_Suggestion276 to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for forcing my son to use a bidet and threatening to talk to his friends or take him to the doctor about his underwear?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“For some reason, my 14-year-old son cannot wipe properly.”
“This was never a concern to me as his mom did the laundry.”
“Unfortunately she is sick right now, so I have taken over the household chores that she used to handle.”
“My son is still responsible for his, and I do mine as well as hers.”
“First day I did laundry I gagged and almost puked from his underwear.”
“If he were three and not fully potty trained I might understand how they end up like this.”
“But he is a healthy young man.”
“He should not be leaving his a** this unwiped.”
“I talked to him about it, and he said he would make an effort to do a better job. Nope.”
“No change in the situation.”
“So I went to the hardware store and installed a wand bidet in the bathroom he uses.”
“We already have one in ours.”
“I told him that he has a choice of either using the bidet or washing his own underwear.”
“He doesn’t know how to use the washing machine, and he refuses to do them by hand.”
“He started going commando.”
“Which just meant the problem was his jeans now.”
“So I said that we might need to take him to the doctor to see what is wrong with him.”
“If it’s physical or psychological.”
“I also said that the next time his friends were over I was going to ask them if they left their underwear in the same condition.”
“I WOULD NEVER ACTUALLY EMBARRASS HIM LIKE THAT!!”
“He said I was being an a**hole and he called his mom to tell her what I was doing.”
‘She said that he was just like that and I could deal with it until she was better.”
“I don’t think that’s a great plan.”
“If this kid never learns to wipe his a** he will be bereft of a sexual partner without a poop fetish.”
“I’m not kink-shaming him if that’s his thing.”
“He has started using the bidet, but he says that it is gross and weird.”
“I said it was grosser and weirder for a 14-year-old to crap his pants every day.”
“We are both stressed about his mom, but this situation isn’t because of her.”
“I just asked her.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
NTA – Not The A**hole
YTA – You’re The A**hole
NAH – No A**holes Here
ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. 14 is a little late in life to be learning how to clean your butt after using the toilet.”
“Your wife is doing him no favors by allowing and coddling this behavior.” ~ SecretJealous4342
“Straight up: this is a biohazard, and it is unacceptable.”
“I would frame it that way.”
“To both your wife and your son.”
“Like literally there can be health complications from this.”
“You’re at higher risk for U[rinary] T[rack] I[nfections] and you can spread bacteria.”
“Even after she gets better, I would continue to do laundry to make sure she’s not just letting it go.”
“I would have whatever conversation you need to have to let her know that this is a hill to die on for you, that you are concerned as a parent, and that you (and your son) need her support on this to do what is best for him.”
“Also, by the way, studies have shown the washing machine does not wash away all fecal matter.”
“So, gross. I would be having a serious conversation with my wife about why this has been allowed to continue and what makes her think it is okay that his underwear consistently looks like this.”
“It is literally your job as parents to teach your children how to properly care for themselves, and basic hygiene.”
“You can talk about how friends and girls (or boys) will be grossed out, sure, but I think we’re beyond that.”
“At this point, he’s contaminating your damn furniture and putting his own health at risk.”
“Tell your son straight: this is not like cleaning your room or taking out the trash.”
“This is not a chore.”
“This is a non-negotiable must-do for your health, and you’re sorry you and his mom were not on top of this sooner.”
“Admit that it was an error on your part that it even got to this point.”
“Because it was.”
“But it can not continue.”
“I am a mandated reporter, and if I was made aware something like this was happening, I would be calling to arrange a wellness check and some education for this family.”
“Refusing to clean up or regressing in terms of hygiene can be an indicator of sexual abuse.”
“When discussing this with him, ask him if there is a reason he is having so much trouble with this.
“Is anyone making him feel uncomfortable?”
“Is anyone approaching him or touching him who shouldn’t be?”
“A therapist is probably indicated. And a doctor.”
“If nothing comes to light, go into the bathroom and show him how to wipe.”
“How to rinse.”
“How to check he is clean.”
“How to clean in the shower.”
“Tell him that if his underwear or clothes continue to look like this that you will begin checking to make sure he has wiped. Every time.”
“Find the least invasive way to do so (sniff test, I dunno).”
“Tell him this is not a punishment, and it is not to belittle him, and you don’t like it any more than he does.”
“But it is your responsibility as a parent to make sure that he is healthy and hygienic, and if he is literally incapable of wiping appropriately that you need to know because you actually need to take him to the doctor.” ~ hisuhkwoj
“The other issue here is the wife knew there was a hygiene issue with their son and failed to tell the OP, the father, about it.”
“My wife mostly does the laundry (she puts in on and sorts it, I fold it once it’s done) in our house.”
“But if there were ever an issue, similar to OP’s issue for instance, she would tell me straight away and discuss how to resolve the issue, not just hide it and hope it fixes itself.”
“OP, you are NTA in my opinion.”
“You need to sit both wife and son down and discuss ways to remedy the problem as it is problematic both for a hygienic reason but also for health reasons for everyone involved.”
“You also need to find out why your wife has not been telling you about issues involving your son and if is there anything else she hasn’t told you.” ~ dadoftriplets
“Can’t tell from your post if you’ve had the ‘son if you think you ever want to get laid you need to clean your a** because *no one*, of any gender, will want to do it with you if you can’t wipe your a**.'”
“That talk but that might be helpful.”
“As might an exploration as to whether this is some weird homophobia thing (some young straight men are of the apparent impression that touching your butthole = gay).”
“NTA… for this exactly but HEAVY side eye to you, for somehow not knowing about this because you apparently need a woman to do the laundry for you.”
“To your wife, for ignoring the fact that her 14-year-old son is essentially sh*tting himself, and to both of you for not teaching your child how to do his own laundry or chores- hardly surprising he’s an entitled little, er, sh*t who ‘refuses’ to learn basic adulting skills.” ~ Dimension597
“I’m surprised his friends haven’t started calling him out for always smelling like poop.”
“NTA. But by 14, he should be learning to do his own laundry in addition to being able to wipe his own butt.”
“And no, you’re not doing him any favors by letting this continue.”
“I would haul my kid in to see a doctor if he really doesn’t think this is a problem, doesn’t start taking care of it.”
“Besides being gross, it could cause skin breakdown and nasty infections.”
“If he can’t wipe, then he should be getting checked regularly for skin deterioration.” ~ vomitthewords
“NTA. Though you and your wife are a**holes for allowing it to get to this point.”
“This is a severe hygiene problem, and one that is likely to hurt him both socially and professionally if allowed to continue.”
“Your approach might not have been ideal, but it is understandable.”
“Take him to a doctor.”
“And a therapist.”
“Oh, and most importantly, stop washing his shi**y clothing.”
“WTF is wrong with you?”
“If there is s**t on his clothing, he gets to wash it.”
“You need to fix this problem and also stop enabling it – yesterday.” ~ EchoKiloEcho1
“NTA. You also need to tell him eventually, if it’s not happening already… other kids might start smelling it.”
“Ask him if he even knows how to actually wipe?”
“Maybe you need to show him how to properly do it… if he’s 14 and can’t manage it, maybe he wasn’t taught the correct way.” ~ Beautiful_Pants
Well OP, Reddit is concerned.
Sounds like a family meeting is in order.
And maybe a trip to the doctor.
Good luck.