If there is one thing nearly everyone is insecure about, it is their body or at least a part of their body.
No matter their shape or size, some people are so self-conscious about their bodies that it badly affects what they might eat or how they might dress.
In some cases, it can be so extreme that they are even negatively affected by what others eat and wear.
A friend of Redditor GlumDemand6450 had recently given birth and found herself suffering from a severe bout of postpartum depression, resulting in severe body dysmorphia.
She hoped to take her mind off things and lift her spirits by attending a party where the original poster (OP) and other friends would be present.
Unfortunately, the party only ended up exacerbating her emotions, with the clothing choice of the OP’s girlfriend receiving the majority of the blame.
Wondering if he or his girlfriend really had done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not telling my gf to cover up to spare my friend’s feelings?”
The OP explained how his girlfriend’s clothing ended up causing some unexpected tension at a recent pool party.
I(30 M[ale]) have a friend who invited me, my gf and a bunch of our other friends over to his house for a pool party/BBQ.”
“One of the people attending was a good friend of mine named Christine(37 F[emale]) who had given birth a few months ago.”
“Christine had a hard pregnancy and developed postpartum depression, so she was looking forward to the occasion to help lighten her mood.”
“My girlfriend Alex(26 F) is a model/influencer, and as you can imagine she’s very beautiful, this is important.”
“Everyone at the party is wearing some form of swimming gear, all of the guys are wearing trunks and tank tops or Hawaiian shirts, and the women are wearing bikinis or swimsuits.”
“Alex stole the show however, she didn’t wear anything too revealing or inappropriate, but it did turn heads.”
“Alex was swimming, and I was talking with some of my other friends when another friend of mine Jane, pulled me to the side.”
“She asked if Alex could cover up a little bit, Christine was getting upset by her appearance.”
“I asked how, and apparently Christine’s PPD has manifested itself into bad case of body dysmorphia.”
“She said Alex is making her jealous and triggering her dysmorphia.”
“I was confused but I said okay, I talked to Alex and she said that while she understood she didn’t understand why she had to cover up for the sake of someone else’s feelings.”
“Needless to say she didn’t do it.”
“Christine ended up leaving early two hours later.”
“Jane came up to me and said Christine left because she couldn’t stop crying.”
“She also said me and Alex are aholes for not being accommodating to Christine’s feelings.”
“Now while I understand PPD is a sensitive issue and that Christine is dealing with a lot, I don’t understand how we’re a**holes here.”
“So I’ll leave it to you reddit, are we the a**holes?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not telling Alex to cover up at a pool party.
While everyone sympathized with Christine and her PPD, they also agreed that she shouldn’t have been surprised that there would be people in skimpy bathing suits, it being a pool party, nor should Alex have been shamed or scolded for wearing a bikini.
“NTA.”
“You asked Alex and she elected not to cover up.”
“Furthermore, if this were an issue where someone was uncomfortable because they found the appearance of someone else’s body very unappealing, then asking them to cover up would be out if the question.”
“Someone shouldn’t have to cover up because they look ‘too good’.”- ShowUsYaNungas
“NTA.”
“PPD sucks.”
“And I have severe BD.”
“But I will never expect someone cover up for my feelings.”
“Christine needs therapy.”- jitsufitchick
“NTA.”
“Look, I’m a mom who has given birth twice- once to a singleton, and once to twins.”
“It didn’t matter what your girlfriend wore, Christine was going to get upset with someone.”
“It wasn’t your girlfriend, it was the environment.”
“Christine wasn’t ready.”
“As long as your girlfriend didn’t go out of her way and have the intention of upsetting Christine, there’s no AH in this story.”
“Christine is going to have to get comfortable with her new body- and can be tough.”
“But that’s some inner work she has to do, it’s no one else’s responsibility.”
“It’s a pool party.”
“Christine wasn’t ready, that isn’t anyone else’s fault.”
“Maybe just do brunch next time instead.”- Independent_Movie247
“NTA at all.”
“I am going to say this as kindly, yet as honestly, as I can.”
“Christine knew she was invited to a pool party.”
“Pool parties are known for people wearing outfits which show their bodies.”
“If she is still struggling with body dysmorphia, then she needs to avoid triggers until she is better, and that includes environments with people dressed in a certain way.”
“She was invited to the party- it wasn’t mandatory, she had the choice to sit this one out.”
“It’s not your girlfriend’s job to hide her own body to spare someone else’s feelings.”
“Your friend needs more therapy.”- majesticjewnicorn
“It isn’t your girlfriend’s job to make make Christine feel better about herself.”
“Your gf is a person with feelings as well.”
“Christine needs to see a therapist before she goes to parties if she feels that sh*tty about herself.”- TopAd7154
“100% NTA.”
“I have experienced PPD and I totally understand how it can manifest in any number of negative ways.”
“You and your gf are not responsible for fixing or responding to these manifestations though and it sounds like you are understanding and compassionate to what Christine is going through.”-Accurate_Secretary71
“NTA.”
“Did she ask every woman there to cover up?”- DragonflyMon83
“NTA, nope.”
“You’re at a POOL party.”
“Christine has valid issues, but she doesn’t get to control what other people do with their bodies.”-ParsimoniousSalad
“NTA.”
“Neither you nor your girlfriend are responsible for Christine’s feelings.”
“The question is, though, why your girlfriend was singled out?”
“You said that there were multiple other women wearing something similar, but your girlfriend is the only one that is the ‘problem?'”- Solenthis87
“Why are you in this?”
“You were the phone, you took the message and delivered it.”
“NTA for anyone.”- fuzzy_mic
“NTA.”
“Christine has some issues she needs to address with a therapist.”
“The world doesn’t need to accommodate her jealousy.”
“Your GF has the right to dress however she sees fit.”
“I’m glad to hear she didn’t change!”- Optycalillusion
“NTA, Christine’s situation has no bearing on you or your gf.”
“Your issues don’t give you the right to control others.”- Mazresk
“NTA.”
“NOT YOUR drama.”- Motor_Business483
“NTA.”
“Christine’s body image issues are her problem.”- mutualbuttsqueezin
“I sympathize for Christine, I really do.”
“But we have to manage our own conditions, even if they’re triggered by other people and situations that occur in public.”
“Our control stops outside of our bodies.”
“In this case, you relayed Jane’s request, and Alex considered it.”
“Given the context of her surroundings, Alex decided she would not cover up.”
“That was the end of the matter.”
“Christine chose to leave early which is her right and is appropriate to do if she needed to leave a stressful situation.”
“Jane has no right to consider either you or Alex TA in this situation.”
“NTA.”- sucksatchess666
“NTA.”
“While I have sympathy for Christine, if she’s uncomfortable, she should leave, not ask everyone else to cater to her.”
“I hope she seeks some treatment, because PPD is serious and she needs help.”- Jerseygirl2468
“NTA.”
“It is not your job or your girlfriend’s to accommodate to Christine especially being at a pool party and everyone else was also wearing a bikini.”
“If she cannot handle being around people who may have a ‘better body’ maybe she needs to go to therapy.”
“Everywhere you turn there can be someone who is ‘perfect’.”- Rainbowpride0119
“NTA at all.”
“Your girlfriend doesn’t need to adjust her own body in any way because of someone else’s insecurities.”
“Christine is responsible for managing her own triggers.”
“She doesn’t get to make it someone else’s problem.”- schoobydoo42
“NTA it is not Alex’s job to take care of Christine’s feelings.”
“I’m sorry she is going through it right now, but therapy would probably help.”- Queen_Sized_Beauty
It’s easy to say that Christine should have thought a little more carefully before going to a pool party, as women in bathing suits likely weren’t going to lighten her spirits like she hoped the party would do.
It must be remembered, however, that in her current state, Christine is likely not thinking as clearly as she normally would, and probably didn’t even consider this possibility.
One only hopes Christine gets the help she needs.