Most of us have attended at least a few weddings in our lives, and we understand that the bride and groom will create an event that matches their tastes, not ours.
Whether that means a dry bar or a childfree party, it’s not up to us to complain about the arrangements the wedding party has made, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But Redditor Dull-Recognition-602 was surprised when her college friends became adamant about their ability to drink at her wedding, as well as making their feelings about children at the wedding extremely well-known.
When they all started opting out of attending, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure what to do.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for having kids at my wedding?”
The OP recently sent out wedding invitations.
“I (26 female) am planning a wedding. My partner and I have decided we will be a kid-friendly wedding. I know it’s not for everyone but my family has kids ranging from 7 to 17.”
“We sent out RSVPs and in my college group chat the following occurred.”
“One girl had her baby in December. Our wedding is in November, making the baby just below a year.”
“She asked in the group chat if it would be okay to bring her baby, and I kindly informed her that we asked children below 5 not to be in attendance.”
“She said no big deal, she would just get her mom to watch the baby.”
Some college friends were upset about something else, though.
“But THEN s**t hit the fan.”
“On my wedding page, I did say anyone who has reached well over their limit will be escorted out of the reception. The message didn’t say ‘You’ll get kicked out’ verbatim. This is what we posted on our site.”
“‘We ask that while on the premises that people please respect the property as well as the other guests. [rules listed about the property and smoking, firearms, outside alcohol] We are so excited to spend our special day with all of our loved ones and cannot wait for an exceptionally fun-filled reception filled with good music, great food and an evening that hopefully will be remembered for years to come.'”
“‘There will be an open bar complimentary of [partner’s parents] as well as an officer present to positively I.D. those of age. We do ask that guests please refrain from drinking beyond their limit to ensure the safety of everyone in attendance. Again, please keep in mind an officer will be present and any guest’s behavior that warrants concern will be kindly asked to retire for the evening. We look forward to spending our special day with you all.'”
“We were required per our contract with the venue to have an officer present if any alcohol is being served. We are also financially responsible for any damages done by our guests during the time of our wedding including broken fixtures, damages to the property, and even removal of hazardous waste (vomit, etc).”
“It seems no one could believe I was having a non-child-free wedding or that I would kick people out for getting s**t-faced… which if you know me, you wouldn’t be shocked.”
“I’ve been a nanny for 8 years and even my old nanny families will be in attendance.”
“I also don’t like people to get trashed. I’ve been to too many weddings that felt more like frat parties and I don’t like that vibe. It just isn’t me.”
Some friends continued to push the issue.
“One girl went as far as to say that it was inappropriate to have children in attendance.”
“I didn’t really understand. My grandparents and my partner’s grandmother were going to be there. Did they think the absence of kids meant I would be playing explicit music and shaking my a**? I don’t know.”
“Several people in the group have said they feel uncomfortable and don’t think they could make it.”
“I finally asked why? Why was it such a big deal?”
“The reason was that they don’t feel comfortable getting drunk around kids.”
“I said, so you’ll skip my wedding because you can’t get drunk.”
“My wedding isn’t an excuse for people to get trashed.”
“But now most of my college friends, with the exception of one, have RSVP’d no. Over 20+ said no.”
“I asked the girl who said yes and she said, ‘I got trashed at my wedding and missed the reception. Several people had to be carried out and it was overall embarrassing, so I understand why you don’t want people to get too crazy.'”
“But AITA for not making my wedding more comfortable for my guests?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP that she needed to do what she needed to do for her wedding.
“Your plan and wording are perfect.”
“Weddings just seem to be an excuse for a**holery.”
“Their Wedding, their way. Were you a douche about that? No.”
“Your Wedding, Your way.”
“I’m sorry people you hoped would make the celebration great can’t be good friends to you.”
“You’ll have a great day.” – No_Appointment_7232
“We made our wedding pay to drink. We requested top-shelf items only be stocked for the night. Let’s just say no one got s**t-faced.” – PumpkinSpicedBagel
“NTA. You plan the wedding you want. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to attend. They can plan their own events their own way.”
“Plus, it sounds like you inadvertently created an ingenious system of keeping potential drunks and jerks away from your wedding, making it a much nicer atmosphere.” – birdingisfun
“Hey OP, I never understood the people who want kid-free weddings.”
“Some of my favorite memories from my wedding are of my niece and nephew dancing, my friend’s daughter shyly running up with the flowers. Holding my friend’s baby at my reception while my wife talked to her for a few minutes.”
“Your wedding will be a blur of memories. You will be so busy, you won’t remember half of it.”
“Your most cherished memories won’t be of your college friend getting wasted, but of the happy few minutes you get to spend with each person there.”
“And yes, many of those happiest moments will be of the kids.” – shamblingman
Others even offered suggestions to keep the children entertained.
“My brother brought along some building blocks, drawing paper and pens, and some toys when he got married and kids loved their little corner.” – PeggyHW
“My sister managed to get a smaller room next to the main hall and had things like board games, cards, coloring stuff, and places people could plug electronics in. I think they even had some sort of video game system set up. (This was like 18 years ago so I don’t completely remember what they had.)”
“We had a whole bunch of 10-15-year-old boys in the family at that time and they were way more interested in hanging out in there playing on their DS and whatnot than they were in the reception.”
“I don’t get people who feel the need to be completely wasted at a wedding. Most weddings I’ve been to have had both alcohol and children and there were never any issues.”
“Don’t worry about the people who choose not to come, it’s their loss. Do what’s right for you and your fiance, you’re the ones who matter most.” – JulineAnnick
“I had a table with toys and coloring books for the kids.” – SilverPhoenix2513
“I have 3 younger siblings under 10 who are on the spectrum, so I’m doing a table of coloring and puzzles for ALL of the children. I figured it would make sense since children get bored and/or overstimulated, regardless of whether or not they’re on the spectrum.”
“I’m actually considering a separate room so I can setup a more calming space.” – MamaKit92
Some offered comfort for how the friends had behaved.
“Why would anyone feel threatened by that unless they don’t have the ability to attend one social event without being blackout drunk?” – Various-Opening-1107
“The friends probably view weddings as a cheap way to get drunk really fast. They can’t get super drunk if kids are around. No endless free drinks equal no show.” – blue_penguins2
“Did your friends ever leave college…? Cause it sounds like they want a college party, not a wedding.”
“By the way, I aspire to have the vibe you have described for your wedding, so just imagine a redhead with a homemade ‘Go OP!’ sign in your corner when people are mad they can’t do illegal things at your wedding.” – _green-queen_
“NTA at all.”
“There is no need to get s**t-faced at a wedding whether there are kids or not. I wouldn’t want kids there and I’d still kick out people treating it like a bar or a frat house.”
“If you only go to weddings to get drunk, do everyone a favor and don’t go. Social drinking is not getting drunk and if they want to be drunk, they can go to a bar.”
“IMO (in my opinion), drunk adults and young children both need to be babysat which makes everything a lot less fun.” – Dazzling-Gift5677
“NTA. It’s you and your partner’s wedding and therefore only you 2 need to agree to how your wedding goes. You gave plenty of advanced warning which is all that’s required of you.”
“If someone is mad about the alcohol rule they can go to a bar instead of your wedding. How entitled can people get?”
“It’s your wedding, make it how you and your partner want it to be. I hope you have a great time and congratulations in advance from a random Reddit stranger.” – Excuse_Purple
While the OP was stressing over the number of people who were not planning on attending the wedding, the subReddit mostly thought that was a good indicator of who wasn’t a true friend in the OP’s life.
They could agree that the messaging was a little off-putting, but because it was required to be included by the venue, the OP couldn’t do much about it. But beyond the messaging, it sounded like the “friends” were much more concerned about the kind of party they could have, rather than the celebration of love that they were actually invited to.