As much as we all like to think of families being these strong, cohesive, loving units, it's true that some families just don't get along.
Sometimes narcissism and bullying are so prevalent, that they might as well be an embodied family member, admitted the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Longjumping-Ad4905 was fed up with his sister bullying him about his appearance, and it became worse when her boyfriend also participated in her bullying.
When his sister got a beauty procedure done that backfired, the Original Poster (OP) felt like he couldn't pass up the opportunity to lash out at her.
He asked the sub:
"AITA because I said I have no sympathy for my sister over a beauty treatment gone wrong?"
The OP was shocked when his sister decided to have freckles tattooed on her face.
"My sister (Rachel) had freckles tattooed on her face for a beauty treatment. It was not makeup, it was a tattoo."
"I myself thought this was ridiculous. However, it was Rachel's face and not mine."
"I was in disbelief when Rachel first had the treatment done because most of my face and body are covered in freckles, and until very recently Rachel was not above teasing me and calling me names over it."
The OP had to work hard to move beyond being bullied.
"It was a lot worse when we were younger. Both from Rachel, her friends, and in general, but it didn't stop when we grew up."
"So much so that when I was in lower sixth grade, I asked my girlfriend at the time to teach me to cover them."
"Being a bloke using cosmetics led to a lot more teasing, and I look back feeling like a fool, because although I did cover them on my face, they are all over my body, and it was obvious."
"My confidence was always knocked down by the bullying, and having to live with it at home didn't help either."
"The freckles, the makeup, and being ginger all made me a target."
"I don't so much care now. Going to university and meeting new and diverse people helped me to make friends."
"So did my time in the RAF (Royal Air Force), which got me into good shape and led to me making more friends."
It turned out his sister's beauty treatment didn't turn out properly.
"Of course, Rachel only got freckles tattooed across her cheeks and nose and not all over herself."
"They have turned blue as they faded."
"She has a difficult time covering the blue freckles using cosmetics. It is possible but lots of times, they still show unless she uses lots of makeup."
"She's tried to have them lasered off but so far the laser treatments have not made any difference."
"Rachel is obviously unhappy with how this all turned out and she says her confidence has taken a knock over it."
The OP felt no sympathy.
"On my last visit, my mum was saying how badly everyone feels for Rachel."
"I told her and dad I'm not sympathetic to her at all."
"Rachel was not present when I said, just mum and dad. I haven't said this to Rachel because I do have manners."
"That doesn't mean it isn't the truth and I feel it."
"After being teased and called names even at home, having Rachel's mates in on it at her encouragement, or having Rachel's boyfriend thrash me about sometimes, I am finding it hard to muster any sympathy."
"I realize being a freckle-covered ginger is far from the worst thing in the world now, but back then, I was often on the receiving end of it and thought I was a freak. It was difficult and lonely, I don't mean to be dramatic, but it's the truth."
"I find it difficult to have compassion, as hard-hearted as it seems."
The OP's parents thought he was selfish to use his past in this way.
"My mum and dad are still quite angry at me for what I said, even though Rachel wasn't present."
"They wish I would change my mind and show Rachel sympathy over her predicament."
"Even if Rachel's confidence has taken a knock, it doesn't change how I feel personally."
"My parents, though, are insistent that I amend my feelings and show grace and are quite adamant about it."
"It makes my visits to them uncomfortable and tense right now, let me tell you."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP's feelings were valid, whether his parents liked them or not.
"Definitely NTA. You're allowed to your feelings, and being bullied, especially in your childhood, leaves a mark."
"Still privately hoping to see my own childhood bully in the gutter one day, begging for drug money."
"They're our own feelings, and we are entitled to them."
"Plus, you behaved politely around her, and only expressed those feelings in your inner circle." - DutchTinCan
"It is ridiculous of her, after leading the bully game, to have done this."
"You should remind your parents that they never defended you and that it is proof of favoritism, that they defend your sister now."
"Bullying leaves terrible scars. You are justified in feeling what you do. Never let anyone invalidate your feelings."
"You were born the way you are. She chose a permanent, very visible, attempt to be something she was not. No one forced her to be trendy."
"Shame on your parents!" - erinhennley
"NTA, your parents are the AH for enabling her to bully you and now wanting you to feel sympathy for her."
"Where was that sympathy or care when you were being the target of your sister? She doesn't deserve an ounce of your care." - eiros147
"NTA."
"Is Rachel the 'Golden Child'? Cause it sounds like Rachel is the golden child and I don't blame you at all. Mom and dad are being MAJOR AHs though." - Swiss_Miss_77
"NTA. You didn't say it to her you just confided in your parents."
"I would ask them, why they need you to feel sorry for her? You aren't teasing her, you just don't feel bad for her given what she did to you over your freckles... and then ask, What did they do to stop her and her friends from bullying you for your freckles?"
"Maybe if she had been forced to stop bullying you, you might have a better relationship with her and actually feel bad, but since that didn't happen, your empathy well for her is pretty small. It feels like cosmic justice." - mammaistired
Others thought karma had found the OP's sister in the form of blue freckles.
"Rachel served herself up some well-earned karma."
"NTA." - Lurker_the_Pip
"Karma BLUE UP in her face."
"NTA OP, your sister is, for all this harassment directed to you for no other reason than your natural coloring. Stand your ground." - BlackNBitterCoffee
"I was bullied and believe me, karma will come back tenfold. And while I don't hold grudges, I can't help but feel that karma has had a hand in her issues."
"Also, OP is definitely not the a**hole in this case." - AndreaandMarilyn
"NTA."
"I'm covered in freckles and was teased relentlessly. It's become fashionable to have freckles for some reason. She brought this on herself." - shmamarisk
"Oh... my... god... Revenge is a dish best served cold and she served herself."
"NTA."
"Your parents can go on and on about 'but we are family', blah, blah. Where were they when you were subjected to her bullying?" - facinationstreet
"NTA."
"I would probably casually mention to the parents that they convinced you to pity her just to get them off my back."
"Even though you are completely right my dude! Oh, how lovely it is when stupid actions have consequences."
"And for whatever it's worth, I never understood picking on gingers. Guys your type should be on the top of the dating food chain." - This_Grab_452
"NTA."
"From one freckled person to another, this is karma at its finest."
"Now that freckles are 'in' she wants them."
"And why should you show any sympathy? Where was their sympathy for you when she was bullying you over your freckles?"
"And no, you don't need to amend your feelings or show grace to her, the same way she didn't amend hers or show you grace." - HunterDangerous1366
"This is better than karma because Rachel literary did this to herself! She created her own karma and tattooed it on her face!"
"Not the a**hole!"
"In fact, you're a better person than I am because I would have started calling her Violet Beauregarde, Smurfette, etc. And I'd probably started a lot of conversations with her by saying, 'Hey sis, did you eat blueberries or something? You got a little something on your face.'"
"I would have been cruel (and petty) and I would have no regard for the petty a**hole I would be so no matter what you can at the very least be assured that you're not as much of an a**hole I am or would have been." - _____-----_____1
While the subReddit could understand the frustration of having a procedure done and then seeing it fail, they honestly thought this instance was funny, because it was ironic in how poorly the sister previously treated the OP.
They also commended the OP on not lashing out at her while she was struggling and otherwise only being honest with his parents.
The fact that the parents couldn't let this go and demanded he comforts his childhood bully honestly spoke volumes.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.