As much as we all like to think of families being these strong, cohesive, loving units, it’s true that some families just don’t get along.
Sometimes narcissism and bullying are so prevalent, that they might as well be an embodied family member, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Longjumping-Ad4905 was fed up with his sister bullying him about his appearance, and it became worse when her boyfriend also participated in her bullying.
When his sister got a beauty procedure done that backfired, the Original Poster (OP) felt like he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to lash out at her.
He asked the sub:
“AITA because I said I have no sympathy for my sister over a beauty treatment gone wrong?”
The OP was shocked when his sister decided to have freckles tattooed on her face.
“My sister (Rachel) had freckles tattooed on her face for a beauty treatment. It was not makeup, it was a tattoo.”
“I myself thought this was ridiculous. However, it was Rachel’s face and not mine.”
“I was in disbelief when Rachel first had the treatment done because most of my face and body are covered in freckles, and until very recently Rachel was not above teasing me and calling me names over it.”
The OP had to work hard to move beyond being bullied.
“It was a lot worse when we were younger. Both from Rachel, her friends, and in general, but it didn’t stop when we grew up.”
“So much so that when I was in lower sixth grade, I asked my girlfriend at the time to teach me to cover them.”
“Being a bloke using cosmetics led to a lot more teasing, and I look back feeling like a fool, because although I did cover them on my face, they are all over my body, and it was obvious.”
“My confidence was always knocked down by the bullying, and having to live with it at home didn’t help either.”
“The freckles, the makeup, and being ginger all made me a target.”
“I don’t so much care now. Going to university and meeting new and diverse people helped me to make friends.”
“So did my time in the RAF (Royal Air Force), which got me into good shape and led to me making more friends.”
It turned out his sister’s beauty treatment didn’t turn out properly.
“Of course, Rachel only got freckles tattooed across her cheeks and nose and not all over herself.”
“They have turned blue as they faded.”
“She has a difficult time covering the blue freckles using cosmetics. It is possible but lots of times, they still show unless she uses lots of makeup.”
“She’s tried to have them lasered off but so far the laser treatments have not made any difference.”
“Rachel is obviously unhappy with how this all turned out and she says her confidence has taken a knock over it.”
The OP felt no sympathy.
“On my last visit, my mum was saying how badly everyone feels for Rachel.”
“I told her and dad I’m not sympathetic to her at all.”
“Rachel was not present when I said, just mum and dad. I haven’t said this to Rachel because I do have manners.”
“That doesn’t mean it isn’t the truth and I feel it.”
“After being teased and called names even at home, having Rachel’s mates in on it at her encouragement, or having Rachel’s boyfriend thrash me about sometimes, I am finding it hard to muster any sympathy.”
“I realize being a freckle-covered ginger is far from the worst thing in the world now, but back then, I was often on the receiving end of it and thought I was a freak. It was difficult and lonely, I don’t mean to be dramatic, but it’s the truth.”
“I find it difficult to have compassion, as hard-hearted as it seems.”
The OP’s parents thought he was selfish to use his past in this way.
“My mum and dad are still quite angry at me for what I said, even though Rachel wasn’t present.”
“They wish I would change my mind and show Rachel sympathy over her predicament.”
“Even if Rachel’s confidence has taken a knock, it doesn’t change how I feel personally.”
“My parents, though, are insistent that I amend my feelings and show grace and are quite adamant about it.”
“It makes my visits to them uncomfortable and tense right now, let me tell you.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP’s feelings were valid, whether his parents liked them or not.
“Definitely NTA. You’re allowed to your feelings, and being bullied, especially in your childhood, leaves a mark.”
“Still privately hoping to see my own childhood bully in the gutter one day, begging for drug money.”
“They’re our own feelings, and we are entitled to them.”
“Plus, you behaved politely around her, and only expressed those feelings in your inner circle.” – DutchTinCan
“It is ridiculous of her, after leading the bully game, to have done this.”
“You should remind your parents that they never defended you and that it is proof of favoritism, that they defend your sister now.”
“Bullying leaves terrible scars. You are justified in feeling what you do. Never let anyone invalidate your feelings.”
“You were born the way you are. She chose a permanent, very visible, attempt to be something she was not. No one forced her to be trendy.”
“Shame on your parents!” – erinhennley
“NTA, your parents are the AH for enabling her to bully you and now wanting you to feel sympathy for her.”
“Where was that sympathy or care when you were being the target of your sister? She doesn’t deserve an ounce of your care.” – eiros147
“Is Rachel the ‘Golden Child’? Cause it sounds like Rachel is the golden child and I don’t blame you at all. Mom and dad are being MAJOR AHs though.” – Swiss_Miss_77
“NTA. You didn’t say it to her you just confided in your parents.”
“I would ask them, why they need you to feel sorry for her? You aren’t teasing her, you just don’t feel bad for her given what she did to you over your freckles… and then ask, What did they do to stop her and her friends from bullying you for your freckles?”
“Maybe if she had been forced to stop bullying you, you might have a better relationship with her and actually feel bad, but since that didn’t happen, your empathy well for her is pretty small. It feels like cosmic justice.” – mammaistired
Others thought karma had found the OP’s sister in the form of blue freckles.
“Rachel served herself up some well-earned karma.”
“NTA.” – Lurker_the_Pip
“Karma BLUE UP in her face.”
“NTA OP, your sister is, for all this harassment directed to you for no other reason than your natural coloring. Stand your ground.” – BlackNBitterCoffee
“I was bullied and believe me, karma will come back tenfold. And while I don’t hold grudges, I can’t help but feel that karma has had a hand in her issues.”
“Also, OP is definitely not the a**hole in this case.” – AndreaandMarilyn
“I’m covered in freckles and was teased relentlessly. It’s become fashionable to have freckles for some reason. She brought this on herself.” – shmamarisk
“Oh… my… god… Revenge is a dish best served cold and she served herself.”
“Your parents can go on and on about ‘but we are family’, blah, blah. Where were they when you were subjected to her bullying?” – facinationstreet
“I would probably casually mention to the parents that they convinced you to pity her just to get them off my back.”
“Even though you are completely right my dude! Oh, how lovely it is when stupid actions have consequences.”
“And for whatever it’s worth, I never understood picking on gingers. Guys your type should be on the top of the dating food chain.” – This_Grab_452
“From one freckled person to another, this is karma at its finest.”
“Now that freckles are ‘in’ she wants them.”
“And why should you show any sympathy? Where was their sympathy for you when she was bullying you over your freckles?”
“And no, you don’t need to amend your feelings or show grace to her, the same way she didn’t amend hers or show you grace.” – HunterDangerous1366
“This is better than karma because Rachel literary did this to herself! She created her own karma and tattooed it on her face!”
“Not the a**hole!”
“In fact, you’re a better person than I am because I would have started calling her Violet Beauregarde, Smurfette, etc. And I’d probably started a lot of conversations with her by saying, ‘Hey sis, did you eat blueberries or something? You got a little something on your face.'”
“I would have been cruel (and petty) and I would have no regard for the petty a**hole I would be so no matter what you can at the very least be assured that you’re not as much of an a**hole I am or would have been.” – _____—–_____1
While the subReddit could understand the frustration of having a procedure done and then seeing it fail, they honestly thought this instance was funny, because it was ironic in how poorly the sister previously treated the OP.
They also commended the OP on not lashing out at her while she was struggling and otherwise only being honest with his parents.
The fact that the parents couldn’t let this go and demanded he comforts his childhood bully honestly spoke volumes.