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Guy Livid After Boyfriend Refuses To Change His Shirt To Adhere To Bar’s ‘No Tank-Tops’ Dress Code


Dress codes in the this day and age?

Apparently that is still a thing.

And it can be a dramatic thing.

Clothes can be a relationship killer.

Case in point…

Redditor Florida_Man666 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for refusing to change shirts to appease a bar’s dress code?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Last night, I (26 M[ale]) was in line for a bar in my city.”

“The line was pretty long and friends and I were standing out there for at least 10 minutes.”

“My boyfriend (27 M) was inside the bar already with his coworkers who I was supposed to meet that night.”

“When I was almost to the bouncer checking IDs, another bouncer came to the line and informed me I wouldn’t be able to get in because I was wearing a tank top.”

“It’s summer and very hot here, so it’s typical attire for men.”

“Several dudes behind me in line were also told the same.”

“I said ‘really dude, why’ and was told it was just ‘the rule.'”

“My female friends in crop tops were apparently no issue.”

“So we went across the street to a different bar, which was less crowded, cheaper drinks, and quieter music so we could actually have a conversation.”

“I texted my boyfriend and told him we were at said bar because I wasn’t let in to the original one.”

“He said ‘I think I have a shirt in my car.'”

“I said sorry but I don’t want to give my money to the first bar if they don’t like how I dress.”

“He said his coworkers really want to meet me.”

“I said ok just come across the street, it’s quieter here and we can actually talk.”

“He refused, and instead he and his coworkers ended up going to a different bar where I also couldn’t get in due to dress code.”

“There are at least 10 bars within a 2 minute walk so there were several other options including the one our friends were waiting at already.”

“I refused to change shirts and ditch our friends who didn’t want to go to the new bar and they agreed that I wasn’t being difficult to not want to change shirts.”

“They are also my boyfriend’s friends first and foremost so they wouldn’t have been expected to take my side.”

“Long story short my boyfriend and I argued and didn’t spend the night together and I didn’t meet his coworkers.”

“I was told I was being stubborn.”

“I agree, but there are some things I stick to because of principles.”

“AITA for not just changing?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“Looking at OP’s history the bar he was going to is not one I would describe as upscale.”

“I am somewhat familiar with the bar his boyfriend was at and the one across the street.”

“Neither is particularly upscale, but they are definitely not the same sort of atmosphere.”

“The one his boyfriend was at is more of a club with music and dancing.”

“The one across the street that I assume is the one he went to is more of a pub/sports bar.”

“If boyfriend and coworkers were looking for a night of clubbing/dancing, then the pub that OP was at would not give them the activities they were looking for.”

“I also have a guess as to the second venue that boyfriend went to from the description, and it is definitely a music/dancing venue and not a pub type bar.”

“Although I am pretty sure none of these places have a strict dress code.”  ~ sweet_hedgehog_23

“I disagree that dress codes generally mean upscale/nicer.”

“I had a bar like this is my city that wouldn’t let my brother in law in because he had cuffed his jeans.”

“I could with my capris though (a woman).”

“It was definitely not upscale, it was a drunken party bar.”

“Decided not to go in and never ever went back.

“I think a lot of these dress codes have to do underlying homophobia.”

“I.e. men who dress outside of the ‘traditional male’ clothing.”  ~ WellFic

NTA – I would be the same.”

“Hit me with a dress code violation when you’re letting a similarly-clad someone of the opposite sex in?”

“Nope! Wouldn’t go back there either on principle.”  ~ ReadyGrapefruit5449

“NTA – Why the hell didn’t BF say that there was a dress code before hand.”

“If he wanted you to meet his co-worker he could have went to bar you was at.”

“Your BF didn’t like it and that is his right.”

“It was not loud and personally, if I am meeting someone, I rather not yell to have a Convo.” ~ Accomplished-Pen-630

“Bars are super weird about this, coming from someone who’s dating a bouncer.”

“Some bar owners don’t want it posted for a multitude of reasons, but mainly because most bar dress codes are not only sexist but racist.”

“This ranges from ripped jeans, to puffy coats, to sweat suits.”

“A big sign that says ‘no head coverings, chains and gang colors’ screams racism.”

“Not to mention, most bouncers have to find something to deny guys over (other than gay clubs) because the guy/girl ratio in the bar has to be a certain level.”

“They have this unspoken dress code and end up denying 100-200 people a night due to something the bar owner refuses to let them post.”

“I’m sorry this happened, you’re NTA and it’s hella weird your boyfriend continued on to a different bar when you were close.”  ~ Disastrous_Pickle

“I am a woman who has been turned down at the door at a club or two for not being scantily clad (at least one time I was wearing a tank top.”

“No shade against women that go out wearing sexy dresses and high heels, it’s just not my thing.”

“I wouldn’t give any place with this rule a dime.”

“If I’m not up to their standards, their bar isn’t up to mine.”

“OP is NTA and his boyfriend is rude – especially for going to a second bar with a similar dress code.”

“He was more interested in hanging out with his coworkers than having them meet his BF.” ~ HorrorAvatar

Some Redditors had a different thought…

“YTA. You were meeting your BF’s CO-WORKERS.”

“There is a standard of decorum for networking in one’s career.”

‘And you were wearing a TANK TOP.”

“I live in the southern United States.”

“It’s hotter than 2 muskrats doing it in a wool sock in the summer, and sometimes in the winter too.”

“But there are times when we have to dress according to the occasion, and this was one of them.”

“They are his co-workers yes, but even in a situation of bar hopping they are networking/team building.”

“There is a REASON they were going to bars with a dress code.”

“Your average work party isn’t going to happen in a biker bar unless you work for Harley Davidson.”

“The same applies here.”

“He offered you a solution and you doubled down based on ‘principle’.”

“No you didn’t have to dress in office appropriate attire, but wearing a niceish shirt was the minimum you could have offered.”  ~ SydlynsMagic

“ESH. You suck; your boyfriend wanted his coworkers to like you.”

“And instead you came off badly: petulant, controlling, inability to adapt or make personal sacrifices for your partner.”

“Sometimes we do small things to make our partners happy.”

“The bar sucks because, yes, it’s a silly dress code.”

“Your boyfriend sucks because he should also be a good partner and adapt when something is important to you.”

“He sucks the least though, because the needs of the group generally outweigh the one.”

“Ultimately they were already there and comfortable, all you had to do was put on a shirt.”

“He crosses into AH territory when the next bar also required an outfit change.”

“So yeah. Be nicer to each other.”  ~ WhoFearsDeath

OP wanted to be clear…

“Edit because I think this is getting missed…”

“About an hour later they left the first bar and went to another bar.”

“Instead of coming across the street where I was waiting, they went to yet another bar with a dress code that was a few blocks away.”

“NTA. You get to decide where to spend your money and it’s reasonable in a very hot climate to dress appropriately for the climate.”

“It would also have been rude to leave the other friends who couldn’t get in.”

“Your boyfriend was the rude one in this situation because he wouldn’t go where everyone could be included.”

“If he felt like his coworkers wouldn’t cooperate, don’t give him a hard time though.”

“We all have to kiss A sometimes for work.”

“You did the polite thing as far as your other friends who were rejected so good on you.”  ~ Antstst

Well OP… for the most part Reddit is with you.

Your partner should be able to adapt.

But you may want to check club rules first.

Go have fun.