Certain conversations always have boundaries.
Don’t they?
If someone says… “I don’t want to talk about it,” you leave it alone.
Right?
Or you persist to varying… windy consequences.
Maybe silence is best.
Case in point…
Redditor throwa67694 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for forcing out a fart to get my mom to stop asking my girlfriend invasive questions infront of the whole family?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I know what it sounds like but I swear it’s a desperate situation.”
“So I (23 M[ale]) have been with my girlfriend (22 F[emale]) for 7 months.”
“She has a visible scar on her neck and she hates to be asked about it and hates to tell the story behind it.”
“Believe it or not I don’t have the story yet but I’m waiting til she’s comfortable to share.”
“She met my family several times and of course… mom and aunts ask her about her scar… like 3-4 times in just a couple of hours.”
“Then on dinner, then during movie time. etc.”
“It got bothersome and my girlfriend would look uncomfortable and I could just tell that the question itself brings her sadness.”
“I told my mom to stop asking such invasive questions about the scar and every time she’d say ‘okay, won’t ask I promise’ but then she would turn around and do it again.”
“On Mother’s Day my girlfriend and I attended dinner at mom’s.”
“We where sitting in the living room and my mom goes to ask my girlfriend about the scar again.”
“This time with a bigger audience because the whole family was there.”
“My girlfriend said she’d rather not talk but mom kept cornering her and kept asking her in yes/no form.”
“I was sitting next to mom and forced a loud fart in an attempt to take pressure and attention away from my girlfriend and get mom to switch her focus to something else.”
“I was like ‘whoops’ and the family started laughing.”
“M<om turned to me and gave me a nasty stare.”
“It got awkward, not gonna lie.”
“But I was desperate and couldn’t really yell at mom to stop and start a fight on Mother’s Day.”
“So I thought of this instead of making a scene.”
“She pulled me into the kitchen and scolded me for what I did after I admitted that I did it intentionally.”
“She called me childish and said that if I didn’t want her to bring up my girlfriend’s scar then I should’ve said… but I did!!!!”
“I swear like a 100 times.”
“Anyways… my girlfriend and I left and my girlfriend couldn’t stop laughing in the car.”
“Unfortunately dad was upset too saying I behaved poorly and childishly in front of the extended family and told me to grow up.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“LOL. NTA for using your AH to make a point.” ~ Sword_Of_Storms
“Responses are all highly hilarious but the serious issue is that girlfriend is now highly sensitive and will likely not want to be in OP’s family’s presence again.”
“OP needs to have an ultimatum talk with his mother along the lines of – I am not the one being rude and childish here.”
“You are the one being rude for continuing to press this issue and make gf uncomfortable in your presence.”
“If this happens one more time, we will get up, leave and not come back. NTA.” ~Extension_Sun_377
“Clear NTA.”
“Pushing someone to talk about something that clearly upsets them doesn’t embarrass her.”
“But a grown adult having a simple bodily function, mortifies her..”
“Maybe next time she asks, you could start asking her about her farting and pooping habits.”
“Shutting the conversation down with the best of callbacks, just in case you can’t fart on command in the future!” ~ Specific-Dragonfly29
“NTA. But with such a big audience, you should have said ‘Mom, we’ve been over this dozens of times.'”
‘”If someone does not feel comfortable answering a personal question, and you know this is the case, then you are being rude and disrespectful.'”
“‘Now, please apologize, and keep your word that you won’t do this again.’”
“And do that everytime she attempts to harrass your girlfriend!” ~ AttemptedAdult
“No, that isn’t fair to OPs girlfriend.”
“OP’s mom is an adult.”
“She isn’t mentally challenged/disabled.”
“No IS NO.”
“She shouldn’t have to have been asked, then told, from OP’s recollection 100s of times already.”
“Besides which it is extremely rude to ask people about scars or other differences in public.”
“Anyone over the age of 5 knows this.”
“Don’t point, don’t stare, don’t ask questions.”
“OP should travel with bike horn and honk it whenever his mom brings up the scar and/or leave immediately.”
“Public shaming is the least she deserves.”
“Her behavior is totally uncalled for an unacceptable.” ~ Sheanar
“NTA. Your mother repeatedly violated a clearly stated and perfectly reasonable boundary, and now she thinks you’re being childish? Nope.”
“Her assertion that you should’ve told her is ridiculous.”
“Not only did you repeatedly tell her to stop, your girlfriend told her.”
“At that point, what does it matter what you have to say about it?”
“The only relevant opinion in the room was expressed, and your mom kept pushing.”
“For real, if she does it again, why stop at a fart?” ~ TurtleTheMoon
“True grace is making everyone feel welcome in your presence.”
“OP’s mom is gross.”
“I can’t imagine a situation where I as an adult would look at someone and ask where they got a scar.”
“Particularly a scar, in a way, because the likelihood of some trauma behind it is high.”
“Might be medical, might be through violence, but it’s for sure none of my business to ask.”
“It’s also worse because, as OP’s gf, it is scary to meet parents and their family.”
“So his mom is just going all out asserting her dominance by repeatedly pushing for the story.” ~ BendingCollegeGrad
“Huge huge NTA.”
“You made my day, actually.”
“My wife, sitting across the room, gives her enthusiastic endorsement.”
“Your dad told you to grow up?”
“Your dad should be congratulated, because he raised you right and you and your girlfriend were the only adults in the room.” ~ billlevansatmariposa
“Your mom is being the childish one.”
“Like a toddler, asking the same question again and again.”
“And not having the emotional intelligence to realize how invasive of a question it is.”
“I love how you defused the tension with a fart!”
“And it sounds like it helped your girlfriend too.”
“Keep being supportive of her.”
“NTA. But your mom certainly is TA.” ~ RxTechRachel
“YTA for repeatedly subjecting your girlfriend to your mother.”
“And then you didn’t want to cause a scene on Mother’s Day?”
“What, are you afraid of hurting mommy’s feelings while SHE is causing a scene and blatantly disrespecting your girlfriend in front of the whole family??”
“Grow a backbone.”
“I feel so bad for your girlfriend.”
“Your mom is obviously doing it on purpose.”
“I have never asked someone about a SCAR they have.”
“And I would never even consider doing so in front of other people, and repeatedly after I’ve been asked to stop at that!!!”
“She’s being disrespectful on purpose!”
“And yet you KEEP allowing her to be in the presence of your girlfriend whom she clearly has an issue with??” ~ RissaRay113
“You must set your boundaries with your mother! Enough!”
“You should not have had to do something that ridiculous to get your mother to shut up!”
“Stand up for your girlfriend.”
“You have not stood up to your mother or she would not keep doing it.”
“The next time she opens her mouth yell stop!”
“In a loud voice I have told you to stop asking her.”
“Then get up and you and her leave.”
“You do it everytime until she stops.”
“Tell your girlfriend to never answer her.”
“Your mom does not take you serious.”
“You do this and make her stop.” ~ mcmurrml
“NTA. In case you aren’t able to repeat your performance next time…”
“Use your phone beforehand to stealthily record your mom promising to not ask about the scar.”
“Then replay it at full volume in front of everyone when she does it.” ~ SafelySolipsized
“NTA. I actually think it’s pretty clever how you deflected away from your mother’s obviously out of bounds questioning without starting a full-on fight.”
“If your parents give your more crap about it, ask them if they’d prefer a full-on screaming match next time.”
“Or if they’ll actually respect boundaries like reasonable adults should.” ~ Nefariousness-Flashy
Well OP, sounds like Reddit approves our your choice of distraction.
Hopefully mom and dad will come around.
Let’s not get long… winded.
Glad you and the GF are smiling.