The holidays are here!! That means celebration, food, Santa and family.
But as you get older the family part can become problematic. You can’t control everything family says and does.
Many relationships have hit emotional icebergs thanks to the holidays and family.
How do you handle it?
One Redditor found himself in a quandary.
Case in point…
Redditor throwawayveryfunny wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for not defending my wife at the dinner table?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife (27 f[emale]) and me (36 m[ale]) were having thanksgiving dinner at my parent’s house last Thursday.”
“My wife has this weird habit of eating with a teaspoon all the time, instead of a regular spoon so when she and my mom were setting the table, she took a teaspoon for herself.”
“Anyways, when she was eating with it, my dad pointed it out to her and asked ‘Why on earth are you eating with that tiny spoon? You know eating in tiny mouths isn’t gonna help you lose those extra pounds you have.'”
“I saw it as a harmless joke at the time and laughed along with it, so did my wife at the time but when we were going back home she seemed annoyed with me and at first I didn’t get why until she told me it was because I let my dad joke about her weight and didn’t defend her.”
“She has had some trouble with her weight lately but I didn’t think she’d get so angry over the joke.”
“At the time she seemed chill about the joke and it really seemed harmless, if someone joked about me that way I wouldn’t take it to heart.”
“Personally I don’t think her reaction was reasonable and I don’t get why she’s still annoyed at me for it.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question- AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“YTA. You and your dad. Insulting someone while laughing isn’t a joke, it’s just an insult.” ~ Caribe92
“Hey, another teaspoon user here, and nothing to do with my weight.”
“YTA because you:”
“1- Laughed when someone mocked your wife.”
“2- Did not slap down that ‘joke’.” ~ OnceUponATomb
“She was directly fat shamed by her husband’s father and her husband didn’t bat an eye.”
“He thought it was funny that his father put his wife down, in front of the entire family. And he doesn’t get it.”
“He doesn’t get that he hurt her, too, by laughing at the joke.”
“That he didn’t have her back. Her F[ather] I[n] L[aw] hit a bullseye on an insecurity and her husband … doesn’t get it?!?”
“YTA, OP. And a big one at that. So is your dad.” ~ Etoiaster
“YTA. Flip it around. If your M[other] I[n] L[aw] ‘joked’ about your tiny penis or lack of achievement or whatever else, and your wife did not stand up for you then how would you feel?”
“That was not a harmless joke. That was a passive-aggressive dig.” ~mrbuddhawannabe
“YTA. Do not laugh at a ‘joke’ that insults your wife. Especially if you know it is a sensitive topic for her. You messed up big time.” ~ Still_Association
“YTA. I can’t believe you’re serious about this.”
“Also, The reason why she is upset with you, is because despite spelling it out for you- you still are too obtuse and unconcerned about her feelings to get it.”
“It’s not a coincidence that your dad related the tiny spoon to her trying to lose weight.”
“Your dad knew exactly the nasty joke he was making, and as long as he thought it was funny, felt it was worth making.”
“I imagine he is where you inherited your less than stellar comedy standards.”
“Nobody should ever, EVER make fun of someone else’s weight. What to you not understand about that??”
“Repeat after me: You do not let your family make fun of your wife. You do not let you family make fun of your wife. You do not let your family make fun of your wife’s weight, ever.”
“Your wife is a gem of a human for laughing along and not ruining dinner. If my FIL said that to me, I would have left immediately.” ~ Dutch_Dutch
“There’s a difference between self depreciating jokes and someone making a mean spirited joke about someone else.”
“When your wife is joking about herself, she has control over the when, where, topic, etc. Whereas if someone else makes the joke, not only is she perceived differently by others, but she’s lost control over the situation.” ~ Dirt_Circles
“YTA – she seemed ‘chill’ at the time because she was in shock and uncomfortable with confronting your dad over his comment and over your silence on the matter.”
“A joke is something that is considered to be funny by all parties and, as she never actually thought it was funny, means it wasn’t a joke.” ~ MamaofTwinDragons
After hearing some thoughts our OP came back to give us an update on what he’s learned about the situation.
“Edit: Yeah I get it, I’m the a**hole. But how’s it reasonable for my wife to still be mad at me 6 days later when I’ve apologised multiple times and I wasn’t even the one who made the joke?”
This reaction didn’t seem to go over well with many readers.
“Agree! YTA and buddy the edit? Wow. You don’t sound sorry at all, insincere apologies aren’t worth anything.”
“Don’t be sorry for the ‘joke’, be sorry you laughed and you didn’t protect her or call your dad out for being insulting.” ~ watchingonsidelines
“Response to your edit: it’s reasonable for her to still be mad because, based on how you wrote this, you’re not sorry and your apologies mean nothing. YTA.” ~ kwenthryth
“So, YTA and even more after the edit for me. This is a harm that requires reparations and not just an apology.”
“If I were the wife in this instance, the devastating part is not the laughter, but that my husband apparently thinks I’m carrying extra weight and has acknowledged it publicly by laughing along.”
“Trust would be quite broken.”
“OP please do some work to make sure your wife knows how amazing she is and that you love her inside and out, cause right now your love for her probably feels very conditional.”
“And that’s not what anyone hopes for in a marriage.” ~ Kari_Safari
Well that is a lot of family drama to get into. This is why the holidays can be so dicey.
Holiday dinners seem to be the time everyone feels free to speak without a filter.
Hopefully this can be resolved by Christmas and everyone involved can come to an understanding.