Some boundaries should be respected concerning questions for pregnant women.
For instance, it’s common sense never to assume a woman is pregnant at first glance.
Another thing that should be avoided is asking a couple if they ever plan on having kids, as it’s hard to know of any struggles or challenges are involved that prevents them from comfortably answering the question.
One thing a guy never saw coming was the reaction to casually asking his colleague something about her pregnancy.
So he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online about the incident.
There, Redditor Ill_Engineer_6668 asked:
“AITA for asking my pregnant colleague if she is having a boy or a girl?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“Today at our weekly team meeting one of my colleagues announced that she is pregnant and will be going on maternity leave in April. Everyone reacted with congratulations and excitement for her, and I did too. We all told her we’re very happy for her and her family and wish her all the best.”
“A few minutes later, I was in the elevator with her and 3 of our other team members (so 5 of us out of a total team of 11 people) on our way back to our desks. Just for the sake of conversation, I asked her if she is having a boy or a girl.”
Her response left him feeling confused.
“Her face kind off fell and she grimly and shortly said ‘boy’. I thought it was strange that she reacted like this, but let it go.”
“Then after I was back at my desk, she came up to me and said that my question was inappropriate, that she was planning on announce the gender herself but I ‘forced’ her to say it like that in an elevator, so now half of our team knows and it ‘killed the magic.’ “
“I was honestly really confused and apologised profusely. She lectured me on how I shouldn’t be asking personal questions and walked away.”
“I honestly couldn’t have thought this was in any way a personal question. Is it too personal? I’m a 24 year old dude and I don’t know anything about pregnant women or babies or social customs, I guess.”
“I was just trying to be friendly. AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA gender announcements and reveals are only special to the person announcing it and I feel they’ve gotten so out of hand. Quite frankly she could have just said ‘I’ll wait to announce that myself to everyone if you don’t mind’ but she decided to be petty af about it and her being pregnant and ‘hormones’ isn’t an excuse to deflect bad behaviour onto you, someone who was being kind asking questions. Don’t bother getting her a gift.” –Winterfox1994
“That‘s a perfectly appropriate question and she needs to get over herself. It‘s not like you ruined a family surprise. She could’ve answered more gracefully, along the lines of ‘We‘re actually keeping it a secret for everyone, but I‘m excited to tell you at the reveal!’ “
“She made it awkward all by herself, NTA” – ifactra
“Yeah, gotta agree here. I’ve had colleagues who just said ‘oh, we’re doing a gender reveal later, so it’s a secret for now!’ or just ‘we’re finding out soon.’ “
“No one forced her to announce it to the elevator, nor would any answer amounting to ‘I don’t want to say’ have been received poorly. She’s definitely over-reacting here.” – MikeTalonNYC
“I’ve even had super close friends tell me I’m not allowed to know yet because they’re doing a reveal. And every time that’s happened I’ve just jokingly told them they’re mean and that I can’t wait to find out. I really don’t understand why she couldn’t have just explained that she didn’t want to say right now 🥲” – lolihull
“NTA. That’s a completely normal question to ask when someone announces they’re pregnant. If she wanted to announce it herself and surprise the team, she could’ve easily told you she was keeping the gender a surprise for now.” – notplop
“Also how self-centered does someone have to be to think their coworkers care about their baby’s gender. I have a pregnant coworker right now and while I like her and I’m happy she’s having a healthy baby, I do not actually give a single f’k about the baby’s gender either way.”
“I have asked but just as friendly chitchat. Thankfully she did not plan a grand gender reveal at work, so it didn’t matter.” – Samybubu
“NTA she could have just said she didn’t know yet or even oh we are not telling people yet we are saving it for the reveal party. She chose to answer the question and then got huffy about you asking instead of being mad at herself.”
“It was a normal question you had a right to ask; she did not have to answer.” – Polly265
“This is why people don’t like working in offices. Your colleague could have replied, ‘I’m not sharing the gender yet, but thanks for asking!’ And everybody would go on with their day. I agree with another comment that says she needs to get over herself. You didn’t ruin anything. She chose to share that it was a boy and had the free will not to 🙄.”
“Maybe it was pregnancy hormones that made her overreact or something, but regardless of the reason, she should apologize to you for saying you ruined it. It’s pretty obvious she didn’t have to say what the gender was. And I’m saying this as a pregnant woman myself.”
“NTA.” – jtk345
“NTA.”
“ ‘Thank you for asking but I was planning on keeping it a secret for now.’ Was all it took for her to give an answer without making it awkward.”
“But you could ask a next time if someone knows what they are having. Leaving it open. No need to remember it or use it; just a way to avoid people like her getting all stupid 😅” – Spicy_author
“NTA That’s a perfectly normal and ok question to ask. Not everything needs to be a major announcement but if that’ what she wanted she could have told you that she wants to announce it to everyone at the same time. You didn’t force anything on her.” – keesouth
“NTA. She could have declined to respond so she could magically reveal the sex to a bunch of coworkers who are just being polite and don’t actually care what flavor of baby she’s having.” – FAYCSB
“NTA.”
‘She came up to me and said my question was inappropriate, that she was planning on announce the gender herself but I “forced” her to say it like that in an elevator, so now half of our team knows and it and it “killed the magic.”‘
“What you asked wasn’t inappropriate. That is a completely normal question to ask. Your colleague is overreacting.”
“You didn’t ‘force’ her to do anything. She could’ve told you “I plan to announce the gender at such and such time” or ‘I will announce the gender when I’m ready.’ Again, she is overreacting.”
“There was only 3 other people in the elevator, she could ask them not to say anything and she still could’ve made the announcement. OP, your colleague is upset with you for no reason.” – DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA
“Another person who thinks the world revolves around them yey, ugh is she like 6??? ‘Ruined the magic’?? Guuurl they’re your colleagues they dgaf if you’re having a boy or a girl they just asking out of curtesy..”
“NTA u didn’t do anything wrong she could’ve simply said ‘I’m keeping it a surprise’ or smth but again childish and stupid.” – DoublePeach7289
“NTA. Asking about a baby’s gender is a normal, friendly question after a pregnancy announcement. You didn’t know she had specific plans, and you apologized. It was an innocent mistake.” – lilmissscheeky
“NTA It’s a perfectly normal question after she announced the pregnancy herself. She could have very easily said, ‘We don’t want to share it yet’ or ‘I don’t know yet,’ and it would not have been an issue. No one forced her to give you the answer.” – Confidenceisbetter
“NTA – if she wanted to announce it publicly, she could have just told you that. It seems super clear to me that you where just trying to make small talk and she took it personally.” – lemondrop97
“NTA. If she tries to give you sh*t again, let her know that you understand that she may be frustrated with herself for answering the question but that it isn’t to be taken out on you. You humored her the first time, that was more than what she deserved because if she didn’t want to reveal it, she could have easily answered a hundred different ways.” – Beautiful-Mountain73
Everyone pretty much had the same general response and agreed that the OP’s question was not crossing a line.
Redditors thought the woman overreacted and didn’t have to answer the question, even though she was put on the spot in the elevator.