There are so many emotions running on high when people begin to build their lives together.
As wonderful as it can be, it can also be highly stressful, especially when dealing with the merging of family.
Not every parent is going to love their kid’s choice for love.
And the person who is that choice may not always seek to fit in with the family.
Case in point…
Redditor Ok-Following-1620 to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for going into my in laws bedroom and making things awkward when I heard them talking s**t?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I recently got engaged to my fiancée Abby.”
“She is an amazing girl and I couldn’t be happier.”
“Abby and I have a pretty modern relationship and are partners in everything.”
“During the six years we’ve been together we have talked a lot about marriage and our expectations.”
“Abby’s mom, Rose, made it clear that she thought we were taking all the romance out of it.”
“Abby and I ended up picking the ring together and talking about how the proposal should go.”
“Rose kept making comments that we were ruining it, she was so surprised when her husband proposed, and etc.”
“For some background I don’t like her parents that much.”
“They have an extremely co-dependent relationship with some old school gender roles and Rose expects to be treated like an absolute princess.”
“Her dad James doesn’t seem crazy about me.”
“I think he wants me to take care of his daughter more, but Abby doesn’t need that.”
“Rose seems put off that we aren’t romantic enough, and honestly she annoys the crap out of me.”
“We spent the holiday at their lake house.”
“Abby and I even went on a hike and she proposed back to me.”
“It was a great day.”
“When I went to bed one night (Abby was in the living room with her siblings) I heard James and Rose talking crap.”
“She said she would have cried if he made her wait 6 years to get married.”
“He made a joke that she owes him a lot of money because Abby told him women pay for half of the rings now.”
“Then he said that he would have died if he had to tell his friends she proposed back and jokingly made her promise to only get on her knees for one reason.”
“Honestly I don’t deal with a**hole.”
“I went to the bedroom, opened the door, and just stared at them.”
“James cussed at me and told me to get out of his room and don’t ever do that in his house again.”
“I said I heard their conversation and thought I was going to barf.”
“No one wants to hear about her on her knees (honestly this might have been a d**k move, she has an extremely time consuming routine to look younger and looks like Abby’s sister but is insecure about her age).”
“James told me to get the hell out and called me disrespectful.”
“The next morning he confronted me, didn’t apologize, and said if I ever burst in like that again when his wife was half naked we were going to have a real problem.”
“To be clear they were both under the covers.”
I told Abby and she thinks it is hilarious, but it made Christmas awkward and Rose has been telling everyone I have no respect and wasn’t raised right.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“YTA, but let me tell you why.”
“You opened a closed door. That door was closed on purpose.”
“That was a set boundary and you violated it. Regardless of how loud and ignorant they were being, you overstepped.”
“Now, what you should have done was talk to your fiancé and let her make all the jokes at her parents expense.”
“But since you had to be a privacy violating dingbat, you missed your opportunity to take the high ground.” ~ rocket_tia13
“I never in a million years would burst open a closed door, at night, knowing two married adults were alone in there, in their own house, without knocking, and even then I’d probably just talk through the door.”
“OP is a major creep.” ~ lemmful
“I agree. One of the many reasons we don’t see my in-laws anymore is because they’d barge into our bedroom when visiting, and they walked in on me undressed twice.”
“It’s incredibly rude, and two wrongs don’t make a right. He could have easily confronted them over breakfast in the morning.” ~ 4everydaythrowaway
“I just reread his post and there is so much I missed the first time. Abby is a great ‘girl’. She doesn’t ‘need any of that’ (nothing on if she might like it, though).”
“And after he breaks into their room he doesn’t even address what he thinks is offensive.”
“He started aggressively and comments on how disgusted he is be their sex life. From his description he comes off as a menacing pervert.”
“Also, discussing in detail how you’re going to propose DOES take the romance it of it.”
“If both of you are deciding what happens you are already engaged. You’re just staging an event.” ~ CrystalStarshine
“YTA it was their home and you opened a closed door.”
“Also, you aren’t even married yet and you are criticizing their marriage which has gone on longer than your relationship.”
“Not cool. Regardless of how you feel about it. They are AH, no doubt.”
“Congrats on your engagement but don’t be a dick in someone else’s house again.”
“Take the high ground and move on or don’t visit and take advantage of the lake house.” ~ Typical-Garlic-7308
“They were having a private conversation in their private space sharing their private thoughts, to which they are fully entitled.”
“They’re also entitled to their preferences and opinions – even if they differ from yours. You ‘don’t deal with a**hole?'”
“They weren’t being a**holes, they were disagreeing with you.”
“And honestly, for someone who’s so self-congratulatory about how equitable your relationship is, you sure do behave in a sexist way.”
“Nobody wants to think about Rose on her knees? Making a cheap dig about her age?”
“You have a lot of learning to do. YTA.” ~ fruskydekke
“YTA. You eavesdropped on their private conversation and then busted into their bedroom and had the balls to COMMENT on what they were saying?”
“Why in the world would he have to apologize to you? Rose may have a point about you.” ~ Squinky75
Well Redditors wasted no time is taking our OP to task.
Hopefully some lessons were learned all around here.
It sounds like some tough and calm conversations need to be had by all.
Good luck Abby.