Divorce is a messy situation.
And the more kids involved the messier it grows.
Melding families comes with a lot of bumps in the road.
And apparently menu options can be a big bump.
Case in point…
Redditor Left-Aide-430 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for ordering something my step-sister didn’t want to eat?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (25 M[ale]) dad remarried 4 years ago.”
“He has custody of my sister (full-sibling, 16 F[emale]) Friday to Sunday and he also has two step-children (A 16F and B 12F).”
“I visit my dad on the weekends to see my sister.”
“My dad and I don’t have the best relationship.”
“But I love my sister with all my heart, so I’m doing my best to still be around.”
“My step-sister is heavily obsessed with Korean and Japanese culture, full k-pop, anime and things like that.”
“There’s nothing wrong with it and I’m not bashing her, both my sister and I like it too.”
“The problem is that this obsession has caused her to ONLY eat asian food.”
“And since she’s mommy’s girl and my dad has prioritized his new family over my sister, that’s the only thing they eat (they’re NOT asian).”
“My sister has told me that she’s done.”
“She missed having hamburgers, pizzas, pasta, etc.”
“But that she can’t eat them at dad’s and with mom she does it very rarely because my mom cooks.”
“And she doesn’t do this things every week (mom’s Mexican so she cooks Mexican stuff).”
“My dad orders take out almost every weekend.”
“And yeah, they mostly order sushi and stuff like that.”
“This weekend was my turn to pay.”
“My step-sister and step-mom were talking about some Korean restaurant and things like that.”
“But I looked at my sister and asked her what’d she wanted to eat.”
“She said she had been craving a hamburger for weeks and I said ”Done, I’ll order it then.'”
“My step-sister said ”No, I don’t like to eat that.'”
“So I just shrugged and said I could order her something else.”
“But my dad said we all should eat the same thing since we’re family.”
“So I just said ”okay, burgers then.'”
“We went back and forth and I ended up ordering burgers for me, my sister and B (12 F).”
“While my dad, my step-mom and A had sushi.”
“My dad called me an AH for making A feel left out and I asked what’d he thought about his own kid.”
“He kicked me out.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“’Well I’m paying so… I pick. If you’d like something else you can pay for it yourself.'”
“Your response was perfect. NTA.”
“Daddy needs to open his eyes and stop putting his non biological children over his bio kids.” ~ Alternative-Push3767
“The compromise OP presented even had her paying for the other restaurant food for the step-sister A.”
“She didn’t even offer to not pay for A.”
“I think OP was a total saint with that offer honestly.” ~ pengouin85
“Yeah, why does OP even have ‘a turn’ of paying for food for his father?”
“His father’s wife who he didn’t marry till OP was an adult.”
“The wife’s two children and his sister.”
“While visiting his fathers home where he doesn’t live.”
“It seems wildly unfair to expect you kid to cover meals for 5 extra people.”
“While the parents presumably alternate buying a meal for 1 extra person they wouldn’t normally have to feed.” ~ appleandwatermelonn
“My daughter is 17 and into KPop.”
“We even saw BTS in 2019.”
“Yes she loves Korean food.”
“But her favorite food is chick-fil-a.”
“And she always craves boba.”
“Her obsession is albums(cd’s) new releases, and photocards.”
‘But we don’t buy every release that comes out from all these artists.”
“That would be too much.”
“There’s a limit as to how much is too much.”
“I think OP’s stepsiblings and stepmom have gone way overboard!” ~ ConsequenceLaw5333
“This! Yeah… Daddy is unbelievable for taking his entitled step daughter over his bio daughter.”
“Totally unfair and unjust.”
“I agree that he needs to open his eyes as well.”
“To OP, NTA.”
“You did the right thing since you clearly paid for your siblings and your food while your daddy paid for other food for his wife and her daughter.”
“I couldn’t fathom to why your daddy considered you as AH… for what?”
“Ordered food in front of him… or behind his back?”
“So the hell what? His priority is messed up.” ~ MischievousBish
“It’s not even that.”
“He offered to order and pay for all their favorites.”
“But his father wanted everyone to eat the same food.”
“I feel at least when ordering take out food everyone should have their favorite.”
“Money should be the only the limiting factor.”
“His father is so unreasonable.”
“In 2 years he will be wondering why his daughter is not visiting him and why both go low contact/ no contact with him. NTA.” ~ Jaded-Carpet-8829
“If I was OP’s sister?”
“Visitation is Friday to Sunday. Three days.”
“Guess what, dinner for me is cereal and water.”
“And if ‘we all have to eat together,’ then I’m skipping the cereal.”
“Call it a hunger strike, call it a protest fast, but three days of water alone every time I am over there will make a point.” ~ Fine_Helicopter7214
“I don’t believe he’s actually consciously putting the step-daughter over the bio daughter, he’s putting the wife over the kids.”
“Because the wife puts her own bio kids first and would not like, talk to or (worst case in his mind) f**k him if he chooses his bio kid over her precious bio kids.”
“He doesn’t care that much about any kid, but he does care about his wife having sex with him that night or arguing with him instead.”
“I believe this is mostly the main issue with bio kids vs step kids.”
“It’s not about the kids, it’s about the partner.”
“‘I love my daughter, but my wife says I’m treating her kids differently and won’t talk to me unless i fix this and show less affection for my own kid.'”
“‘I love my son but my boyfriend doesn’t like him, so I’m giving him less love, less freedom, less everything to please my boyfriend.'”
“Unless your bio kids are AHs, stop prioritizing your partner and start prioritising your own damn kids, people. (NTA).” ~ lilli_neeh
“NTA. It is one thing to want to eat the foods you like; it’s another to dictate what foods other people eat.”
“You are right, and your father is wrong.”
“You also pointed out his hypocrisy towards his daughter, which is why he kicked you out.”
“He owes you and your sister a massive apology, to say the least. He is an AH.” ~ ChapSteve711
“You know… if he kicks his kid out on a regular basis when he is SUPPOSE to have custody, then the child support agreement/custody agreement can be altered.”
“That might be worth bringing up so that he stops kicking out the older kid who is trying to care for the little sis.”
“At 16, she might be able to speak to a judge and get to live with the parent who doesn’t treat her like an afterthought, or the older sibling.” ~ maroongrad
“I would die if I only ate what my sister likes.”
“She has been odd since birth, so usually we have what we term, the normal human food and food my sister will eat.”
“We don’t impose the others eating habits on the group. In this case, it’s worse.”
“Dad is ignoring his kid in favor of the new kid.”
“I don’t mind trying to be inclusive, but this is ridiculous.”
“Eating together as a family is the important thing.”
“What everyone eats isn’t as long as they are happy with their food. NTA.” ~ Accomplished_Two1611
“NTA, that’s messed up that they’re forcing everyone to eat a style of food that one kid decided she’s obsessed with.”
“Your dad is being a jerk, good on you for being there for your sister.”
“Maybe she could come visit you on the weekends from now on instead?” ~ ShadyVermin
“I mean, he’s the one doing the alienating so I doubt he would even have a case.”
“If I were your sister I’d just cut back on visitation since it’s important to her to see her dad, and let him know why.”
“If he does nothing to rectify the situation it’s his own fault.”
“I totally get her situation and have been there, and it sucks.”
“Now that I’m grown and have a family off my own my dad sees where he went wrong and tries to make it better, and regrets a lot of things.”
“I don’t know why but me and my dad always have got each other so I put up with a lot.”
“I hope they can repair their relationship and your dad sees how dumb he’s being!”
“NTA – good on you for standing up for your sis.” ~ sunnydays0306
Reddit is with you OP.
You were paying, so it sounds like the menu should be your choice.
It sounds like you maybe due for a family sit down.
Good luck.