Content Warning: Toxic Workplace, Mental Health
Anyone who has ever worked in a toxic workplace can attest to how stressful, demeaning, and mentally and physically damaging working in that environment long-term can be.
Quite frankly, there is nothing that would make it worth staying there, even a million dollars, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Doxxyclean knew that his wife hated her job and was desperate to leave and find something new, which he supported.
But when the company was desperate to keep her and offered her shares of the company that could potentially be very lucrative in the not-too-distant future, the Original Poster (OP) changed his tune and wanted her to “tough it out.”
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for wanting my wife to stay at a job she hates because we could possibly become millionaires in the next five years?”
The OP and his wife made enough money to get by.
“My (30 Male) wife (30 Female) and I are lower-middle-class people. We always have been. We have a pretty good life, a great son, and a house over our heads, but we always wanted more, like property and the ability to do what we want.”
“I make okay money but just enough to basically live where we are now.”
But then the OP saw an opportunity to lock in their financial future.
“My wife put her two weeks’ notice in today because she hates customer service and talking to customers. She says she wants to do something she likes but has no clue what that could possibly be.”
“She’s a good employee, and her company knows this. So when she told them she was leaving, they offered her 1,000 shares of the company.”
“If she stays another year, she could possibly gain another 2,000. She has to work for five years before she can sell them.”
“At the rate the company is growing and projected to be in five years, the shares would effectively make us a little over one million dollars.”
The couple could not agree on the opportunity.
“In my opinion, those shares would set us up for the rest of our lives… but she refused the opportunity and is still looking for another job.”
“I feel selfish as f**k for even considering telling her to ‘tough it out for five years,’ because I also want her to be happy. That’s all I really want, but that would also be a LOT of money for us and would change our lives, if she could just do this for a few more years.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the job had to be really toxic for a million dollars to not be tempting.
“The fact that a million dollars isn’t even tempting her should tell you how much she hates it there.” – MaximumDerpification
“If even a million dollars isn’t enough to make her want to stay, that really shows how much she hates it. It’s understandable to want that security, but her happiness should come first.” – Patient_Extent_3304
“Honestly, yeah, if a million dollars isn’t enough to keep her there, that says a lot about how much she hates the job. You can’t put a price on someone’s mental health and happiness.”
“Money is great, but if she’s miserable every day, that could end up costing you both in other ways.”
“You should support her in finding something she actually enjoys. It’s not selfish to want her to stick it out, but think about the bigger picture here.” – MyBaeAlice55
“OP, I’m currently working in high finance. My job is killing me but if I can tough it out to Director, I’d be making 300-400k annually. There’s also an 85% chance I would get let go in the next 3-5 years. It’s just the nature of the business.”
“The job makes me miserable and I want to quit. You know what my boyfriend does?”
“He helps me and encourages me to find a new job. He supports me because we love each other and can figure out a way to find another job because he cares about my mental health. Please care about her health.”
“YTA.” – StrickNewspaper774
“First of all, it sounds like not anywhere close to a guaranteed million. To be worth a million in five years, it would need to be worth hundreds of thousands now (very much doubt it) or you are assuming an insane amount of growth potential to be realized which is… wait for it… insane.”
“To illustrate my point… even if it grew at a 20 percent average annual rate of return (which is a very unrealistic expectation) compounded over five years, it would need to be valued at around $200k right now. No offense, but I highly doubt they’re offering her that much to stay in her lower-middle-class customer service job.”
Second of all, even if the math was mathin’ (I doubt it), you would still be the AH. If she hates it and you just want her to put up with it for five years to your benefit without considering the toll on her, it’s incredibly selfish to tell her to stick it out.”
“A million is a lot of money, but it’s not that much. That’s assuming your ridiculous claim is accurate about the potential value. In reality, you’re probably asking her alone to make this sacrifice for a very small chance of possibly being a millionaire.” – bucksinsixtynine
“If she looks at a potentially million-dollar offer, and says, ‘That job isn’t worth it,’ then you gotta respect that.”
“Dude, if all you cared about was money, then go be a crab fisherman. Tough it out for a few months and make over $100k.”
“If it’s that important to you, sacrifice your own comfort. Work an oil rig. Do crab fishing. There are tons of options for men able-bodied enough to make a great amount of money in a five-year span, even less than five years.”
“YTA.” – adviceneeded
Others also pointed out that there was no guarantee the shares would be worth that much.
“When I read the title, I thought the OP’s wife probably earns a high six-figure salary and wants to quit.”
“Companies often make extremely unprobable projections to attract investors. The reality is quite different in 99.99 percent of cases. It could take 20 years to teach the target, or they might simply not reach there ever.”
“It’s like winning a lottery, so OP should let his wife decide if she wants to invest her time and happiness to win this lottery ticket.” – Important-Test-3282
“If they were as valuable as you think they are, I doubt they’d be handing them out just to keep a customer service rep. No shade to your wife, I’m sure she’s very good, but employee stock options aren’t as lucrative as they used to be by design.”
“Corporations are pinching every cent. They don’t give a sh*t about their employees. They definitely don’t want to make employees rich on their dime.” – Predatory_Chicken
“I worked at a place where everybody had shares, but that place was 100% never going to go public, so there was no way anyone but the CEO / owner was ever going to be a millionaire. 30 years later, still the same story.” – mnth241
“It isn’t a million dollars, it isn’t even a million dollars in stock. It’s stock that ‘could’ be worth a million dollars in five years. That’s a very big difference.”
“In five years a lot of things change. Who knows if the company will still exist.” – altonaerjunge
“It’s not even stock that ‘could’ be worth a million in five years. She’s only been offered 1000, and they might not give her the other 2000 in a year.”
“If the company growth is as OP expects, 2000 in a year will be much more valuable than 1000 now, and she’s not guaranteed to get them.” – Healthy_Brain5354
“What OP hasn’t taken into account is the fact that maybe those 1000 stocks are now probably valued at two cents, and if their value increases by 100% in a year, that will be two dollars per stock, so barely 2,000 dollars. He doesn’t know that they will actually increase in value or that she will get more in a year.”
“As someone who worked in customer services for nearly 20 years, I’d tell the wife to run and never look back. It’s a job you do when you’re young and have the nerves and energy to deal with it. The pay is usually crap, the turnover is high, and stress levels are through the roof.”
“OP, stop being delulu about some hypothetical money and look after your wife’s mental health.” – SpiritedStatement577
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a brief update.
“I didn’t expect this to blow up, but thank you all for your opinions.”
“We talked, and I listened to the majority of you all. Her mental well-being is worth a lot more than any money. She is moving on.”
“It’s time to start a job hunt. Wish her luck!”
While the subReddit could sympathize with the allure of possibilities presented by the OP’s wife’s current job, those possibilities were only possibilities, not promises.
A different conversation might be had if the OP’s wife had been offered a substantial raise, but between how much she hated the job and how little the company was actually offering her, there was really nothing to talk about.
Mental health should come first, especially ahead of projected numbers.