A parent’s approval means the world to a person who is about to marry the love of their life.
Redditor aitamumuninvited is a 31-year-old man whose mother did not wholly embrace her future daughter-in-law because of something she did.
After making a decision that tore his family in half, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for uninviting my mother from my wedding after she called my with indecent for having plastic surgery?”
The Original Poster (OP) started with a backstory.
“My partner of 11 years Sarah (32 female) was in a car accident 3 years ago that led to her having scars across her torso, left arm and jaw.”
“She has been hiding them with make up but you could still feel them and they made her very self conscious.”
“We had talked about her having them removed before we got married as she admitted she wanted to put off getting married due to them.”
“At xmas of 2019 I got an unexpected bonus from work and as we already had a substantial amount set aside for a wedding I suggested we use the bonus to pay for plastic surgery.”
“This went ahead and Sarah is now much happier with how she looks, she still wears a bit of make up to hide a few small lines from the plastic surgery but they will fade to white with time and be less noticeable(currently they’re still quite pink).”
“We had been planning for our wedding in Oct and she recently went dress shopping with my mother, her mother and her sister.”
“At the shop my mother saw the scars and enquired about why they looked so different from her original scars. Sarah explained about the plastic surgery and then my mother didn’t mention it again so we didn’t think it was a big deal.”
“Until yesterday when I was at my parents discussing the business dad and I co-own and she butted in telling me it was immoral to marry someone as indecent as Sarah and that it was disgusting that she had plastic surgery.”
“Etc etc etc. There was a massive argument and I told her if she was going to talk about Sarah like that then she wasn’t invited to the wedding at which point she broke down in tears and I left.”
“Now half my family is pissed at me for uninviting and upsetting her. AITA here?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors declared the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA. First of all, i want to give you some respect here, it’s clear that the scars didn’t bother you at all.”
“but you recognised how they are affecting Sarah and her self-esteem, and that you both talked about it openly, and were happy for your bonus to go towards her surgery, for her more for you.”
“If you understand and also respect for you for speaking up for Saran and defending her, it wasn’t as if she had something cosmetic, and even if she had it is still her body and her choice.”
“Sarah was in an accident which damaged not only her body but the way she sees herself and I bet you are the kind of guy who tells her she’s beautiful, but she didn’t feel it. and now she’s got some of what she has lost back, for her.”
“NTA, and it’s a shame your mum’s reaction is to say it’s immoral.”
“Also I understand that Sarah’s procedure was ‘cosmetic’ in the sense that it wasn’t life-threatening, but essential for her mental health wellbeing. the same way that my heart breaks when op described how she felt about them.” – AngelIslington
“100% here. It’s clear Sarah found herself a partner who truly loves all of her, including the parts about herself she doesn’t like, and her mental health.”
“I hope OP and Sarah have a lifetime of happiness together.” – Jade_Echo
“I think that her surgery would most likely fall under ‘reconstructive plastic surgery.'”
“The surgery was to remove a disfigurement and restore her to the way she was before the accident. OP Is NTA, But his mom is.” – saltycybele
“NTA. Regardless of the reason why your fiancé got plastic surgery even if it was a boob job your mom’s comments were disgusting.”
“If she feels the person your marrying is so disgusting and immoral then why would she even WANT to be at the wedding. You did the right thing uninviting her stick to your guns unless she comes back with a SINCERE APOLOGY and cN keep her future toxic thoughts to herself.”
“Also congratulations!” – By-AnyOther_Name
“Plastic surgery is not a moral issue, reconstructive plastic surgery doubly so.”
“Your mom sounds like a bit of a creep, so concerned about your wife suddenly being more confident and happier. She needs to do some real introspection.”
“NTA.” – quiestinliteris
“NTA. Mom probably told them a sob story and not the truth at all. Set the record straight and see how they react to the truth.”
“Anyone still defending her can join mom on the uninvited list.” – Mera1506
“Yup – I don’t see how you get to immoral from having scars reduced. The only person being immoral here is OPs mother for attempting to control Sarah and her body.”
“NTA. I hope that Sarah finds happiness in herself, scars or no scars, and that you have a lovely wedding.” – Fraerie
“NTA. Why isn’t your family upset at your mother for saying some truely awful things about the woman you are about to marry?”
“I think this person is disguisting but I’m still invited to the wedding, right?”
“Just..no self-awareness.” – Kettlewise
“You are so NTA . Your mother was out of line, rude, and said horrible things about your fiancé. Instead of just letting her get away with it you stood up for your future wife and put your mother in her place.”
“For all of us out here who may end up with their MIL acting like this I thank you!” – Flat_Programmer9572
Overall, a majority of Redditors agreed the fiancée getting cosmetic surgery to improve her self-esteem was nobody else’s business but her own.
They also praised the OP for standing by his fiancée’s side.