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Guy Asks If He Was Wrong To Ignore Ex-Girlfriend’s Phone Calls While They’re Both Vacationing In Paris

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Communications with an ex are usually very complicated.

Sometimes it’s best to cutoff all contact.

When it’s over it’s over, but often we can’t help ourselves.

Case in point…

Redditor Backup_276367383 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for not answering my ex girlfriends calls while on vacation?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I know the title screams NTA but given the actual situation I think I may have acted wrongly.”

“So I (20 M[ale]) have been on vacation for a little over a month traveling around Europe.”

“I saved up money for a long time to do this and it’s a huge dream of mine.”

“I found out my ex girlfriend (who I am not on great terms with) was going to be in Paris at the same time as me, and we texted a few months ago acknowledging it.”

“This was basically the first time we had talked since our breakup.”

“We agreed to maybe make plans once we got there (nothing concrete).”

“However, once I arrived, I really just didn’t want to see her.”

“It kept reminding me about bad memories from our relationship so I decided not to see her.”

“I was seeing some friends in a part of the city I didn’t have WiFi so I didn’t check my phone for a few days.”

“And when I got service again I had several messages from my ex saying things like ‘are you in Paris?'”

“And ‘Do you want to get drinks?'”

“And seven missed calls across all my social medias.”

“Honestly at this point I just ignored it. “

“I just didn’t want to deal with her getting angry and making me feel guilty like she did when we where dating.”

“However (surprise surprise) we have the SAME FLIGHT HOME.”

“She sat next to me at the gate and got upset saying she could have been in trouble and she thought my phone had been stolen and all sorts of stuff.”

“But I honestly wasn’t worried at the time since…”

“A. She was in Paris with friends and…”

“B. I don’t think it was my responsibility if she was in trouble (which she wasn’t, she just wanted drinks I guess).

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. You probably should just cut all contact with her.”  ~ Chelular07

“NTA. You did not make any concrete plans.”

“And since you are not travelling together it is not your problem if she is in trouble – she was there with friends.”

“I hope you had a wonderful time in Europe!” ~ PurpuraLiber

“I really disagree with the majority opinion.”

“It would have taken two seconds for the OP to have texted her something like ‘Hey, realized I am too busy to meet up on this trip.'”

“‘Hope you have a great time.'”

“Instead he basically ghosted her/dropped off the side of the planet and added a lot of needless worry for her that something had happened to him. YTA.” ~ 0biterdicta

“No, I don’t agree with you AT ALL.”

“You have no idea what that relationship was like.”

“He is not obligated to talk to that woman at all if he doesn’t want to.”

“He’s not in a relationship with her.”

“Before you try to suggest ‘it’s the polite thing to do’ I repeat you have no idea if their relationship was healthy.”

“So you don’t really know what you’re commenting on here.”

“You’re an outsider looking in making a judgement about something you don’t understand.”

“I don’t understand how he could be the a**hole here.”

“If she got injured that’s her problem.”

“She didn’t plan this trip with him, it was just casually discussed so how is this his fault at all?”

“He doesn’t owe her anything that’s why they’re exes.” ~ Krissy_Twostep10

“NTA. You did not make any concrete plans.”

“And since you are not travelling together it is not your problem if she is in trouble – she was there with friends.”

“I hope you had a wonderful time in Europe!” ~ PurpuraLiber

“NTA. You are not obligated to spend your vacation with your ex.”

“It would have been nice to say something like, ‘Sorry, I can’t make it.'”

“I get why you didn’t though.”

“To me, it sounds like she wants to get back together.”

“She probably saw your acknowledgement that you would be in Paris at the same time as an opportunity or as a sign of interest from you.”

“I don’t see why she would have tried so hard to contact you otherwise.”

“Edit to add: Also, she didn’t need help.”

“If she did, then she would have explicitly stated that in her messages, and you would have responded.”  ~ vanillatranquility

“Oh she so wants to get back together.”

“She just happens to have a surprise trip to Paris, the city of love, when her ex is also in Paris?”

“She got a tentative ‘maybe we can meet’ and decided to send a barrage of possessive texts?”

“Somehow just happens to be on the same flight and insists on re-hashing this whole stupid ordeal and trying to guilt trip OP for it?”

“At this point Im kinda worried she’s hacked OP’s email, and is intercepting his travel schedule from the airline or something.” ~ boogers19

“You’re still young.”

“So maybe you haven’t seen this before, but sometimes when you’re trying to be nice saying something like ‘yeah maybe we should get together sometime’ the ex-partner will take that not only as definite plans, but also an indication that you’re interested in getting back together.”

“NTA. You don’t owe your ex any contact of any kind.”

“Go live your best life my dude.”

“Hope you had a blast in Europe!” ~ IGiveAmazingAdvice

A few Redditors felt differently…

“YTA. You agreed you’d check in in Paris.”

“You certainly gave her the impression you’d be open to meeting up.”

“Then you ignored her. That was rude and immature.”

“It was totally reasonable for her to wonder whether something had happened to you.”

“Also, who knows–she may even have been hoping to restart a relationship of some sort.”

“Maybe just a friendship, maybe more.”

“It was cruel for you to give her that hope so that she may have spent her vacation looking forward to seeing you.”

“You should have thought a lot more carefully when she first contacted you.”

“And said you would not be able to meet.”

“And if you couldn’t do that, you should at least have responded to her first message in Paris to say you wouldn’t be able to meet after all.”

“This is basic manners and respect.”

“It doesn’t only affect you when you don’t know these things.”

“Potential friends and girlfriends who you want in your life (decent, respectful people) will avoid you if they see you don’t have basic etiquette skills and have no problem with being cruel.”  ~ Antstst

“I would say that yes, you’d be an AH in this situation (you may be great at any other time!).”

“A ‘maybe’ is maybe.”

“It means that she would have been conscious that if she wanted to see you, she might need to make sure her budget and schedule and availability allowed that.”

“For example, when I’m on the road, I often find it can be difficult to keep my phone charged.”

“So if she was making sure to be available in case you contacted her, then that may have caused her to spend time on making sure to be contactable.”

“Or within the city instead of going elsewhere.”

“Most of us struggle to learn to say ‘no.'”

“I used to be particularly bad at it and was constantly looking for ways out of obligations I had somehow agreed to.”

“I’m now at a point where I do say ‘no’ because it’s kinder than giving the person false hope.”

“Another complication for you is that it seems like she might still be interested in you.”

“So giving her hope by saying ‘maybe’ ended up being cruel because she is more disappointed than if anyone else had bailed.”

“In future, make sure to say ‘no’ if you know you’re not interested.”  ~ Antstst

Reddit continued…

“NTA. One of the great things about being exes is you don’t owe each other a callback.”

“If you had gotten the texts it would have been polite to respond, but you didn’t, so you didn’t.”

“I’d just say ‘I didn’t get the texts.'”

“‘Since we’re not dating any more and not talking much, it didn’t occur to me to go out of my way to seek reception to check my texts.'”

‘”I’m really sorry if that impacted your trip.'”

‘”Although if it did, I wonder why it did. Could you explain that to me?'”  ~ BigBayesian

Well OP, for the most part Reddit is with you.

An ex is an ex.

As long as you had no definitive plans, you were not obligated to talk with her.

Hope the trip was great!