Culturally we’re in weird place right now.
Everyone is learning and relearning.
One of the biggest issues is the body positivity movement.
A lot of people have a problem with the policing of other’s bodies.
Especially kids…
Case in point…
Redditor Superduppppy wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my wife no more unsupervised visits between our kids and their grandparents?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 5 and we have two daughters.”
“It doesn’t really matter but given the situation of things, the 6 year old is biologically mine while the 10 year old is not.”
“The two often spend Friday to Sunday at their grandparent’s house.”
“I’ve noticed our 10 year old for a few weeks has been quiet upon picking them up, she wouldn’t tell me what was wrong though.”
“This afternoon she was emotional when she got in my truck, I could tell she had been crying.”
“We were heading to Walmart before going home, and I wasn’t going to force her into the store upset.”
“Finally after some prying she told me her grandmother is being rude to her.”
“She explained how she is forbidding her any treats, making comments about her body.”
“She’s only allowed vegetables and chicken.”
“But gives the 6 year old whatever she wants while saying to the 10 year old, ‘When you lose weight, you can enjoy these things in moderation.’”
“This morning the grandparents brought in donuts.”
“The 10 year old snuck one and went to their room.”
“Grandmother walked in to find her shoving it behind the bed after taking a bite.”
“She flipped her lid on her for sneaking food and making a mess.”
“I was so livid, I left the kids in the truck, called her from the parking lot and ripped into her.”
“I will admit, I was pissed and was aggressive with my tone and words.”
“Grandmother’s only response was she has to take matters into her own hands because I as the ‘stepfather’ do not care about her granddaughter’s health.”
“My daughter seemed relieved in the sense she got it off her chest and I told her to ignore her grandmother because that was very inappropriate behavior.”
“We went into the store got our groceries and feeling bad I bought each daughter a gift for just because.”
“And to take the 10 year old’s mind off things.”
“When we got home, my wife was very upset about how I spoke to her mother.”
“I told her what she did, she saw the girl’s toys I bought.”
“My wife says, ‘You know regardless of how you feel about what my mom did, I can’t believe you rewarded bad behavior because she (10 year old) did disobey my mom’s rule about only eating healthy foods while at her house.’”
“Ummm… what? What she did was traumatizing to our child.”
“I told my wife no more unsupervised overnight stays at their house.”
“My wife said that was totally unreasonable and I needed to apologize to her mother for my ‘explosive’ behavior over the phone.”
“I’m man enough to apologize for my tone, but not the plan of action to protect the child.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. That little girl is lucky to have you.”
“Her mother and grandmother are only going to succeed in giving that child body issues and an eating disorder if they keep this up.” ~ NUT-me-SHELL
“A great step-dad to the 10 year old.”
“OP NTA. You noticed a situation that was turning abusive and stepped in to protect your stepdaughter.”
“Did you probably go off on the foodmiester, yes.”
“Would I have done the same thing… yes. she has no right to do this to the child.”
“If she feels there’s an issue she should’ve brought it up with you and your wife.”
“She totally stepped over the boundary lines.”
“I wouldn’t let her stay over either.”
“Need to sit down with your wife and discuss this.”
“I can’t imagine why she would condone and let this continue.”
“There are ways to incorporate healthy eating habits without abuse.” ~ Lawlesseyes
“My grandmother abused my mother.”
“Called her fat, physically and mentally abused her and put her on speed for her to lose weight.”
“55 years later my mother has been in ICU 3xs (currently in) due to her bulimia brought on by her mother’s food and weight related abuse.”
“She is 69, but looks 100. “
“She is 78lbs.”
“She will die sooner rather than later, as her need to control her weight is more important than the love we have for her.”
“The only reason why she is alive is the Canadian health care system.”
“I can’t imagine how much her care has cost taxpayers.”
“OP, shut this grandmother down.”
“Mental, emotional and body dysmorphic abuse have longterm effects on a person and their families.”
“Protect your children. NTA.” ~ antigoneelectra
“NTA. I a mother of three, pregnant with my fourth, still cry when I see my pregnant body in the mirror after a shower because the words of my mother and brother ring in my ears.”
“I can’t enjoy the joys of pregnancy, food, or my body maturing because my eating disorder lives with me.”
“HIDING FOOD IS A HORRIBLE SIGN.”
“Protect your daughter.” ~ bebouf1992
“I am so so sorry for you.”
“There used to be a young girl, maybe started when she was around 18ish, always jogging.”
“Hours a day, all over the city.”
“She was skin and bones.”
“Over the years I saw her getting skinnier, and still she would be jogging harder and harder…”
“And then I stopped seeing her around.”
“I wished it could be one of those life changing stories where she changed it all around, but I assume it was for the worse.”
“Beautiful souls, broken from those voices they hear from young ages and the influence of fashion and beauty ‘influencers’ throughout life.”
“The terrors that are these people’s own thoughts and the voices inside must be horrific to compel people to those things they put their bodies through.”
“OP, thank you for standing up for this young girl, she needs someone in her corner!”
“The blood of the brethren is stronger than the waters of the womb at times.” ~ namealreadygone
“NTA and this is a hill to die on.”
“No unsupervised visits because it will only get worse and more damaging as your daughters get older.” ~ johnny9k
“Yes. I had this grandmother.”
“Thankfully I wasn’t spending as much time with her as OP’s kids but damn, just the stints of time I would spend with her were traumatizing.”
“She’d always ask me (as a 6-8 year old child even) when I planned to lose weight.”
“She’d jiggle my belly, she’d restrict what I was allowed to eat, and generally made me feel sh**ty.”
“I didn’t know how to talk to my parents about it so I never did.”
“Instead, the moment I could- as a teenager- I stopped spending time with her without other family members present.”
“Yet even then, she stayed with me while my parents went on a trip and I’ll just tell you it was a very bad week for my mental and physical health.”
“So OP thank you for sticking up for your daughter.”
“Keep fighting for her.”
“Odds are your wife, growing up with that as her mother, heard a lot of the same things growing up and doesn’t understand how toxic they are.” ~ rdlenix
“OP this! “
“Tell your a**hole wife and her asshole mother that when this kid has bulimia or anorexia, IT WILL BE THEIR FAULT!!”
“This is exactly how you give kids eating disorders.”
“Also, I’m pissed. She is 10.”
“Unless she is sitting around sedentary and not doing anything, it is normal to be a little chubby.”
“Her body is going to grow and change and develop.”
“She is fine, let her be a kid while she can.”
“And Grandma can go pound sand until her hands swell.”
“You don’t forbid a kid from sweet things while handing the other kid whatever she wants and bring in donuts to taunt her with.”
“SHE IS 10!!” ~ Ursula2071
OP had a few things to say…
“ETA: There’s been a lot of repeated questions and I’m trying to answer everyone.”
“My kid isn’t obese. She put on a little weight by Christmas/late winter.”
“Pediatrician in February did not make note of it.”
“A few people brought this up, yes I absolutely think my Mother In Law has resentment against the bio father.”
“Kid might be getting punished for that and/or Mother In Law has horrible issues.”
“She’s going to despise me next for standing up to her.”
“More things have come to light, I don’t feel the need to apologize now.”
“And at this point I strongly feel the girls need to go no contact with grandma.”
“I’ll let gramps visit if he wants, but can’t be at their house.”
OP sounds like Reddit feels you’re on the right track.
You have to put your children first.
It’s sad when family can’t come together on a situation like this.
Good luck y’all.