Redditor throwaway9738362 is very devoted to his sister, who is married with five children.
The Original Poster (OP) is also pretty close to his sister’s husband, who called him “the best brother-in-law ever” after recently trusting him with some confidential and sensitive information.
The OP’s devotion to both of them was tested and he ultimately made a decision that led him to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit, where he asked:
“AITA for telling my sister that her husband was gay?”
The OP began the post by describing his close relationship with his sister.
“My older sister Angie and me are inseparable. When we were younger we’d play together all the time, tell each other our secrets, if one of us got in trouble the other would take the blame.”
“We would do each other’s homework’s and she’s partly the reason why I’ve got an A+ on my math exam.”
“She is married to a man named Liam, and together they have five children. Angie is working all the time and because Liam does not have a job he is left home to take care of their children.”
“I mainly visit them to help Liam, and in one of those particular visits of mine he had asked to speak to me in private.”
“That’s when he had admit to me that he was gay, and that he has been going around in gay bars. He told me how he was only staying with Angie because of the children and that otherwise he would’ve left her and went on to be with another man.”
“I was shocked and speechless, but I’ve told him that I wouldn’t tell anyone and he called me the best brother-in-law ever.”
“But in the end, question’s of infidelity came since he did tell me he was going out in gay bars and there was a possibility he was sleeping with other men so I decided it was best if I told Angie about his homosexuality after all.”
“When I told Angie about it, she and Liam had a full-blown fight. She kicked him out of their house and is currently filing for a divorce.”
“I’ve tried messaging Liam but he keeps telling me how I violated his privacy and that I was a huge d*ckhead for telling Angie but Angie thanked me for it and told me that it was a good thing I didn’t hide anything from her.”
“Angie and I still have the same relationship as we did before, but I still think that I might be the a**hole in this situation.”
Strangers on the internet were tasked with declaring one of the following:
NTA – Not The A**hole
YTA – You’re The A**hole
ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors believed the OP did the right thing by telling his sister the truth about her husband.
“Honestly Liam is TA for confiding the cheating specifically to his wife’s brother and said not to tell anyone. it kind of makes me think Liam was too scared to tell her directly and maybe thought it would be better coming from someone else?”
“Idk, but it’s not cool living a double life and not being honest with your spouse.” – ginger_ryn
“Yeah this is 100% on Liam for cheating on his wife and then choosing to involve OP in his deception. Why tell such an immense secret to the person your spouse is closest with? Either it’s self-sabotage (consciously or unconsciously) or flat out stupidity.”
“NTA.” – Linubidix
“NTA You 100% made the right decision. He was either cheating or working his way to cheating on your sister.”
“Yes, you have destroyed your relationship with your soon-to-be-ex-BIL but thats a small price to pay for protecting your sister.” – mikey_weasel
“Cheating or not, the sister has a right to be with someone who loves her and is attracted to her. I’m sure she doesn’t want to be with a gay man as much as gay men don’t want to be with women, and BIL was taking that chance at love away from her because he was too afraid to come out.”
“Coming out is a big deal, especially after years of hiding your true identity and people’s reactions can be scary to say the least, but it’s not fair to marry someone and have five kids with them to hide the fact that you’re gay. OP is NTA but BIL surely is.” – bAkedbeAnmAster
“Very much NTA, he’s being blatantly dishonest in his marriage and should’ve confided in a therapist if he truly wanted privacy for the matter.”
“I understand that you telling your sister added stress to both of their lives, and yours; but him getting upset is a scapegoat to deter from his dishonesty and infidelity.”
Luckily for the OP, plenty of Redditors came through with insightful and practical takes on the situation.
“You didn’t cheat, he did. You didn’t lie, he did. Do something nice for your sister when you can, because she’s definitely hurting.” – MySonPorygon137
“Its not about “telling her about his homosexuality”. its not about him being gay. its about him cheating. NTA.” – hostagetomyself
“NTA – you cannot be expected to keep a secret of infidelity from your sister. That was an incredibly unfair situation for him to put you in.”
“He should have owned up to this on his own with her and only has himself to blame for how poorly he handled this.” – mmobley412
Overall, Redditors agreed the OP was NTA and that Liam was TA for deceiving his wife by leading a double life.