Everyone knows that when a woman becomes pregnant and carries a child for, on average, nine months, she will naturally gain weight, for herself and her baby.
Losing that weight after the child is born is, disturbingly, one of the greatest pressures the new mother will face while parenting her newborn, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
So Redditor lem0nydrop was absolutely disgusted when she overheard her husband’s friend lamenting over how hard his life had become and how disappointed he was in his wife because she hadn’t lost her baby weight after being a mother for two years.
When her husband called both of them out, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong to call him out on his behavior.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for calling my husband’s friend a pig for the way he was talking about his wife?”
The OP overheard her husband’s friend speaking poorly of his wife.
“My husband and his friend were talking about the friend’s wife. She had a baby 2 years ago and hasn’t lost the baby weight.”
“The friend kept complaining about how he hadn’t signed up for that and that he wouldn’t deal with it.”
“He kept saying how someone like him didn’t have to accept it and that she knew what she was signing up for when she married him.”
“He also mentioned how hot she used to be and how he wasn’t giving her everything she could ever want, for her to look how she currently looks.”
“He mentioned how he never took her to events anymore because he would look like a joke to everybody.”
The OP was disgusted by his comments.
“I walked in midway through their conversation, and I’m not sure if he saw me, because he kept speaking even while I was in the room.”
“I wasn’t planning to say anything, but I just blurted out that he was a pig when I registered what he was saying.”
The OP and her husband’s friend began to argue.
“It caused an argument between me and the friend.”
“According to him, I didn’t understand how hard it was for him and I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping on their private conversation.”
“He said he was confiding in my husband because he was having a difficult time.”
“I told him the things he was saying were s**tty and he was acting like a pig.”
“Eventually, my husband interrupted which is the only reason we stopped arguing.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were disgusted by the friend who was clearly objectifying his wife.
“What I got out of this? He didn’t marry her. He married her body. She just happened to come with it.”
“All of his comments focus on his wife’s body as if that is the only part of her that he really cares about. He can’t take her out because he thinks people would judge him, think he was a joke, for how his wife looks.”
“That tells us where his priorities in his marriage are. He considers her to be his trophy wife, and she OWES it to him to stay shiny and polished, figuratively speaking.”
“Never mind the fact she gave birth to their child, never mind her personality, her intelligence, sense of humor, or any of that stuff… for him, it’s all about how she looks, nothing more…” – Davi_323
“She had HIS child and is upset she doesn’t look the same? My god, it’s been two years and I still don’t look the same, and my partner is still all over me because he finds ME sexy. He is a pig.” – cooradical
“What if she got in a car accident and lost her looks? What if there was a fire that scarred her body? What if she grew old? The pig will find any excuse to belittle and shame her. This was just the convenient reason.” – Melmouth_Milton
“If the snout fits, wear it. Yeah, he sounds pretty awful. I imagine the wife has probably picked up on his swiney cues.”
“What an awful attitude to have about your spouse. Maybe he should marry a cardboard cutout of a slim model. See how that works out. NTA, by the way.” – Fantastic_Pen_7844
“NTA. My husband has actually stopped being friends with someone over a very similar situation. His ‘friend’ would constantly complain about how overweight and lazy his wife was.”
“My husband stopped hanging out with him. They divorced several years back, and she is much happier now. Both my husband and I enjoy hanging out with her occasionally because she’s a good person.” – BrierPatch4
“NTA. I’d be more worried about the fact my husband was friends with a man that viewed his wife that way. ‘Show me who you hang out with and I’ll show you who you are.'”
“Your husband and the friend are both disgusting and disappointing, but either way, you are NTA. Good for you for sticking up for a woman who may not even believe you.” – Parenda
“NTA. You stood up for her when she wasn’t around and that’s a very admirable quality.”
“PLUS he’s the one who put a baby in her and made her body change, if he’s upset about her body he should be mad at himself that he didn’t adopt instead. Also is he like a Greek god or something?”
“I can’t speak on the type of person either the friend or your husband are, but I wonder why your husband didn’t say anything. Do you know if he agrees with his standpoint? If y’all had kids and couldn’t lose the baby weight, would he feel the same way?”
“I would tell the wife even if she didn’t believe me, but not before thinking about how it could potentially affect your won marriage. She deserves to know though.” – IntentionSilent9846
Others agreed and said bodily changes were a part of aging and parenting.
“NTA. A woman’s body changes when she has a baby. The body she had before will not be back for most women. If he doesn’t like it they should have adopted.” – Reason_Training
“People with this kind of attitude are so gross. You want your partner to not change at all physically from how they were when you met them? Then you don’t get to be in a long-term relationship!”
“At a minimum, it’s called aging, not to mention that weight changes, acquired disabilities, and a whole host of other bodily changes come with the territory of the passage of time.”
“If all you care about is your partner being a hot 25-year-old, pull a DiCaprio and switch girlfriends every few years. At least that’s honest.” – molly_the_mezzo
“Women’s bodies don’t just change after childbirth. Stress and disease can lead to changes and adding weight is inevitable.”
“If you’re not prepared for your partner’s body to change, you shouldn’t get married. Or even date.” – saswift
“NTA. He was acting like a pig. Now, everyone is entitled to like a specific type of body type. However, to criticize your wife like that after having a baby is just gross.”
“It’s one thing to confide in your friend and worry about your wife’s health and your relationship with them, but it’s another matter to just downright degrade them and their body after having your child!” – HoopShooter044
“Does this guy not understand what marriage is? As it’s a lifelong commitment (yes, divorce is an option, but you don’t generally get married with the plan of divorce), it’s a given that there will be tons of hardships, many much worse than some baby weight.”
“So, in a sense, he did implicitly ‘sign up for’ that. What would he do if she got seriously ill? Or when he doesn’t like her appearance because now they’re both old?”
“NTA.” – Rivka333
“If he married her, then yes, this is what he signed up for. There are a lot of parts in a marriage ceremony that specifically say that you stand by your partner during sickness and health, hard times, etc. He should be reminded of that.”
“God forbid he ever have an accident and lost his job. If he did, then his wife could easily turn the tables and say, ‘Loss of income is not what I signed up for!'” – ToughAd7278
Just like the OP who overheard the conversation, the subReddit was absolutely disgusted with the friend’s outlook on his wife and how he seemed to only be concerned about the appearance of her body.
They were also grateful that the OP spoke up on behalf of the wife because the friend needed a serious reminder that not only was a wife made up of much more than her appearance, but since he had married her, he had in fact signed up for her body eventually changing.
Whether it was due to pregnancy, illness, or simply aging, there was no way her body would look exactly the same on the last day of their marriage as it did the day when she was wearing a wedding dress.