When a family member is struggling, you often want to do anything you can to help that person out.
But if they betray your trust in a major way, is kicking them to the curb too harsh?
Redditor kick-her-out recently clashed with his pregnant sister who was living with him and his family, so he turned to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) to see if he was in the wrong for his actions, asking:
“AITA for not wanting to house my pregnant sister anymore?”
The original poster (OP) explained how his sister came to live with him.
“I am absolutely furious about this right now. My sister is 19 and 4 months pregnant.”
“Father bailed and kicked her out of his place as soon as she told him and my parents live on the other side of the country. She goes to school here in our state so she doesn’t want to move back to our tiny little town.”
“Since she didn’t have a place to stay my wife and I offered to let her live with us until after the baby got here. It wasn’t ideal but we have the room and the money to let it happen.”
The OP was more than willing to help his sister out, and he let her know that right off the bat.
“First thing I told my sister when she came here ‘Whatever you need, tell me and I’ll help you.’ FIRST thing I told her because I didn’t want her worrying about things for the baby or food.”
“We still have all our baby furniture/toys/clothes from when our son was born in our garage and in good condition.”
But then things started going missing around the house.
“It’s barely been over two months and on the first week my wife was complaining because she couldn’t find her earrings. Didn’t think anything, stuff like that is easy to lose sometimes.”
“But then it started to add up. First her earrings, then one of my watches, a necklace, a pair of new shoes that we bought for our son, some of my wife’s jewelry, my class ring.”
“All this stuff was going missing and it didn’t click for me until I noted a few missing 20 dollar bills from my wallet. At first I thought maybe it was my son but honestly, the kid’s 7 and still too honest.”
“He cried once after he took an extra donut from the table and confessed immediately so I doubted he was the culprit.”
So the OP grilled his sister and learned the unfortunate truth.
“I confronted my sister and it took a lot of grilling before she fessed up. Her defense was she just wanted to make a little extra cash on the side for the baby.”
“I was so furious with her. After telling her to come to me for anything she needs with the baby she resorted to going behind my back and stealing from my family.”
“I explained just how wrong she was to do this after she’s had a roof over her head, food, and being told to come to us with whatever she needs help with.”
Despite her remorse, the OP was done.
“She apologized many times but I told her she was going to have to pack her bags and leave. I’ll give her 2 weeks to find a new place but she better be gone by then.”
“That just upset my sister more, she begged me to give her a second chance but feel like the trust has been broken. She wanted to stay here to continue school she’ll have to find a way to support herself, if she can’t then she can move back with our parents.”
Now he’s getting flack from his family for kicking his sister out in her time of need.
“Speaking of parents, they’ve been on top of me for the last few days over this and I can’t just kick her out when she has a child on the way. I’ve explained what she was doing however, they still think I’m wrong here and need to give her another chance.”
“The issue is how will know she won’t be more sneaky about it? It’s just not a risk I’m willing to take and my wife is just as upset about this as I am.”
“That hasn’t stopped my parents from berating me all the time over our choice and now I’m not sure I’m being TA instead of giving her another chance.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
They condemned the sister’s behavior and let the OP know he had every right to kick her out.
“Definitely NTA. She stole MULTIPLE TIMES from you and your wife. That means she has already had a second chance and a third chance etc. to redeem herself.”
“I would not want a thief in my house. She can go live with your parents and steal from them if they feel so strongly about it.”—Revolutionary-Cook17
“This!!!! I’m so sick of people asking for ‘second chances’ after they’ve already wasted MORE THAN TWO CHANCES.”
“One of my favorite lines I’ve discovered on Reddit is ‘play stupid games, win stupid prizes,’ and I feel it fits well here.”—d__shadow
“Yep. She played the ‘how much can I steal before they notice?’ game and won a swift kick in the pants out of there- seems fair to me.”
“I mean, it sucks she’s pregnant… but that should have been HER concern when she chose to steal, not OP’s concern when he needs to protect his wife and child.”—Willowed-Wisp
“NTA. A little gratitude and respect go a long way when you are unemployed and living in someone else’s home.”
“Rather than get a job to make money your sister chose to steal from the people who were kind enough to take her in. She even took her 7 year old nephew’s shoes!”
“She’s young but old enough to know better. It’s unfortunate that she has no options but to move out without any means to support herself (other than the money she made from selling your belongings) or go home to your parents but that’s the choice she made.”
“You’ve done more than enough for your sister.”—thistleandpeony
They weren’t too keen on the OP’s parents’ behavior either.
“NTA, she’s lucky you haven’t reported her to the police.”
“Your parents are also a**holes by trying to guilt you into continuing to house her. I assume this is because they don’t want to take responsibility for her themselves.”—OhPatsy
“NTA tell your parents if they are worried they can take her in. She knew what she was doing and considering she is going to be a mom she has to grow up and deal with consequences.”—Most_Disaster_79
“You literally told her that you would give her everything she needed until the baby was born and her thanks is to steal from you?”
“You know she isn’t spending it ‘on the baby.’ Either she’s going out and partying or doing something else that you don’t know about.”
“She wasn’t ‘making money.’ She was stealing your property and hocking it.”
“You are right. She needs to find somewhere else to go.”
“Have her contact her school. Most colleges have resources for single parents, including family dorms or housing, as long as she is in school full time.”
“If her parents are so concerned, have them set her up with an apartment and pay for it.”—Outofworkflygirl
Some wondered if there might be more issues at play than the OP realizes.
“Are you sure she’s not on drugs? Because it sounds like she’s stolen a heck of a lot of stuff at this point. What has she been doing with the money she’s getting for your things?”—natidiscgirl
“Yeah stealing a kids shoes to pawn is something only the heroin addicts I’ve known would do tbh (to be honest)”—fart-atronach
“How much do you trust her account of ‘why’ she did this? Because honestly, that level of shadiness, stupidity, and risk does not really match up with making cash on the side for the baby.”
“Especially after your original offer. It’s like she offered that explanation because she thought you’d believe it.”
“She pulled some ballsy thefts here–including stealing directly out of your wallet and pawning shoes/jewelry.”
“She was risking getting kicked out, and she had to know that every time she took that risk. *But she kept doing it*.”
“So, I have to ask–are you sure she isn’t on drugs? Because this sounds like something an addict would do.”
“It’s hard to think about where you’ll sleep (once you get caught) when you’re focused on getting your next fix.”—CastIronKettle
“NTA. Are you sure she doesn’t have addiction issues? Regarding her classes, she can take online classes or ask to suspend her studies (if it’s undergrad, I believe up to a full year is usually allowed).”
“Or she can transfer to a school closer to your parents. Don’t feel guilty about her academics; she has options.”—murano84
They also suggested the OP make sure nothing else was stolen that he hasn’t discovered yet.
“I have a feeling, being pregnant isn’t the only reason the BF kicked her out, it may very well have simply been the last straw. I wonder what her story will be of how she came to leave your home?”
“The thefts are only what you have discovered so far. What else is missing that you haven’t discovered yet?”
“Things in storage? That kitchen gadget you never use? Art?”
“You need to lock your credit down, if she had access to your files: SSN, DL, BC and such, I would not be surprised that she has opened credit cards in yours or your wife’s or your son’s name.”
“Do you have any accounts in your son’s name? Savings bonds? Education fund? Check them, are they intact?”
“And since your parents are so determined that a thief be housed on someone else’s dime, buy her a one way ticket to their place and ship her belongings. It will be cheaper in the long run.”
“Lock down anything of value. You’ve now given her 14 days to ransack your place. Any way at all for you to get any of your things back?”—ResoluteMuse
“OP look at this! check your credit and accounts and make sure they haven’t been messed with!”—tourtoiselover
“Yes! Check all of your records. My crazy druggie sister has destroyed both of her young kid’s credit.”
“She’s also used 2 of our other sister’s identities on multiple occasions when arrested. ETC. It all started with theft like this.”—skrEEpeChEEze
If there is a substance abuse issue, hopefully the OP’s sister will get the helps she needs.
But it sounds like Reddit agrees that the OP should do everything he needs to protect himself and his family, even if that means ousting his sister.