Redditor golfaddict12 is a 26-year-old male who is in a relationship with a 27-year-old woman, named PJ.
There was trouble in paradise when an upcoming life event involving PJ’s sister, whom the Redditor does not get along well with, came up.
When he was criticized for not budging during an argument, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for not skipping my golf trip for my girlfriends sisters wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So it sounds bad but hear me out on this. I have been dating PJ for right around a year but we’re friends for a few years before we started dating.”
“I’m a huge golfer and due to the pandemic and a move across the country I haven’t seen my friends in over two years. We made a plan a year ago to go on a golfing trip together.”
“Everything is paid for (about 1K in total for the flights, hotels and all golfing expenses). It has been a big deal for our group.”
“PJ has a sister that I don’t get along with at all. When we first met it was fine, she was just a very entitled person.”
“Her husband at the time was well off so she was a ‘trophy wife’ and never worked. Then we realized we had different political ideals and this lead to some heated conversations.”
“I tried to avoid them typically but Erin (PJs sister) would always go at me. I got sick of it and just started ignoring her totally.”
“This lead to a fight with PJ so I started just giving one word answers to her sister whenever we had to be around each other. The final straw came when Erin got divorced.”
“Erin’s ex husband was fooling around with one of Erin’s friends. So she started spending more time at our place.”
“I’d come home and she’d be there already with my GF stirring up crap. Erin started telling me that I needed to work harder at work to earn more money.”
“Because it was unfair that PJ had to work when I should be providing for the both of us. I said ‘well that is your opinion, personally I always want whoever I’m with to financial add to the household, I don’t want a trophy wife.'”
“Erin laughed and said that was ridiculous and how were we gonna raise kids, and just a few other derogatory comments. I kinda snapped and said ‘Well Erin. Your husband provided for you and then cheated on you. So if you don’t mind. I’ll prolly take relationship advice from another source.’“
“Well this started a huge sh*t storm and we haven’t spoken since. That was about a year ago now.”
“Erin moved a few states away and now is engaged again. Like a 5 month relationship and they are already engaged. PJ is desperately trying to get me to go. But here is the issue.”
“The wedding is the same weekend as my golfing trip. I told PJ from the first time I heard the date that I wouldn’t be going.”
“Well she didn’t take it well and is demanding I go with her to an important family event. My point is that I’ve already spent 1K on this trip, her sister and I hate each other and this is a rebound marriage that won’t last anyway.”
“So what is the point of dragging me there. I said ‘if I cancel this trip will I be reimbursed/will you pay for my ticket to the wedding (it’s a few states away).”
“PJ said she wouldn’t pay me back or pay for the ticket because she is saving up for a down payment. I said then I’m not canceling a trip and paying for a new one for a person who I can’t stand.”
“She is saying I’m being an AH. But I don’t think this is a fair ask at all? AITA?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA. You have a prior engagement that weekend. The trip was planned long in advance. Go golfing with your friends and have a good time.” – trekie88
“He’s been planning this trip for longer than he’s been in the relationship with his girlfriend.”
“If she really expects him to miss something that important to him to go to her sister’s wedding who he doesn’t even get along with, when they’ve barely been dating a year, maybe it’s for the best if the relationship doesn’t work out.” – werebothsquidward
“NTA wouldn’t even give this a second thought. Im a golfer myself, have a trip i take every year around the same weekend with my boys from different states.”
“The women in our lives all know this, and this weekend is non negotiable unless a birth or death or something that obviously can’t be changed.” – Whole_Clock2565
“Doesn’t matter if the golf event was pre-arranged or not – I can’t stand golf, but if it were me I’d go golfing or anything than spend money on a wedding of someone I can’t tolerate. OP’s GF sound controlling AF. Here’s a marinara flag 🚩” – savagefleurdelis23
“If PJ didn’t defend you when Erin said you should work more so she doesn’t have to, then go golfing and maybe don’t come back. NTA.” – MangalugAC
“Yeah NTA. The bigger problem is OP’s girlfriend doesn’t defend him or tell her sister to stop being rude to OP. She is forcing him to be around someone who disrepects him and hasn’t apologized. That to me is the bigger issue than missing the wedding potentially.” – asometimesky
“NTA. It sounds like you should evaluate your relationship some. People forget when they are with someone they are also with their family. If you don’t like them or they don’t like you it usually doesn’t work out well.”
“At the end of the day they’re sisters and you’re always going to have to deal with her. I don’t see you having an obligation to go to this wedding, especially since you have no investment into it.”
“I’m sure your girlfriend wants you there for support but it sounds like you going could just end up making both of you miserable.” – phonosrock
“NTA. You’ve had this planned long before the wedding and can’t cancel without eating the money you already spent and won’t be reimbursed. Tell your wife point blank you love her and fully support her going to the wedding.”
“You had this trip planned before she got engaged and picked a date and don’t have insurance on it. Seeing as Erin hates you she will berate your if there and berate you if you aren’t there. You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.”
“You will call and FaceTime her the entire trip but I’m sorry I can not in good conscious attend a wedding with a marriage that is doomed to fail especially when her sister hates your guts you’re only invited because she loves your wife.” – Busy-Party1600
“NTA. You had this trip planned and payed for well I advance of knowing about the wedding. It’s unreasonable to expect you to cancel everything.”
“That being said I think you have bigger issues in your relationship than your golf trip vs wedding argument. Considering your GF seems to enable her sisters behavior. I would take a long look at whether this is a fight you want to have for the rest of your life.” – nixiedust85
“NTA – aside from you not getting along with PJ’s sister, you had this trip planned & payed for, for a year now. PJ knew about this trip for a year now. It’s very unreasonable for her to expect you to cancel on this trip after you already put so much time & money into it, & cancel on your friends who have been anticipating this trip & seeing you.”
“I’d definitely take it as a red flag that she’s expecting you to sacrifice your plans for hers, especially when your plans have been planned for a longer time. Relationships should be about compromise. Don’t cancel your trip, go see & spend time with your friends.”
“It may have a negative impact on your relationship, but that might help you realize that PJ isn’t the one for you. You said Erin was a very entitled person, well PJ kinda sounds like she is too since she’s really expecting you to drop all of your plans to attend her sisters wedding with her.” – No-Brick-1549
“NTA It’s been discussed before but it’s very true that when people are getting married, typically they run dates by their family. Even if Erin didn’t want you at the wedding, if she ran the date by PJ- PJ should have checked if you were available. When PJ was aware of the conflict, PJ could’ve said that it didn’t work.”
“And realistically, you’ve offered a compromise- you are willing to forego the trip if PJ reimburses you for those costs or the new costs associated with the wedding because- fair or not, PJ is asking you to spend $1k (first trip) plus the cost of the wedding to go.”
“And that doesn’t make much sense.”
“Is it reasonable that she wants you at her sister’s wedding? Of course.”
“But even if you and Erin were besties, it’s reasonable to say that you have a conflict and it doesn’t make sense to for you to spend $1k twice to go to this wedding.”
Overall, Redditors continued to encourage the OP to go on his long-anticipated golfing trip with friends that had been planned long before Erin’s second wedding.