Content Warning: Body-Shaming, Ableism, Bullying
When we hear the term "blind date," most of us cringe, knowing the likelihood of the date turning out badly.
But sometimes a blind date goes better than anyone could have expected, even if the people who set the date up intended for it to be a prank, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor ResidentThrowRA was recently set up on a date with someone he never would have expected by his group of friends.
When the date went incredibly well and he arranged for a second date, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when he found out that his friends had pranked him and attempted to set him up with someone they thought he'd be repulsed by.
He asked the sub:
"AITA for going on a second date with the girl my friends set me up with as a prank?"
The OP recently got set up on a date by his friends.
"I (28 Male) am a medical resident, so I barely have time to sleep, let alone date."
"My friends (also in med school) have been pushing me to go out more, insisting that I need a break from the grind."
"A few weeks ago, they set me up on a blind date. They wouldn't stop talking about how 'perfect' this girl was for me, so I thought, why not?"
His date, Emily, was not who he would have expected, but he had a great time.
"I met Emily (26 Female) at the restaurant, and right away, I could tell she wasn't what my friends probably expected me to go for."
"Emily's not super skinny; in fact, she's a little chubby; but honestly, I thought she was really cute. She had this amazing smile, and the way she laughed just made me want to keep the conversation going."
"She's studying geology, and she was so passionate about her work, talking about volcanic rock formations like it was the coolest thing ever (and by the end of the night, I agreed, it was a lot more fun to talk about than cadavers)."
"The best part was how comfortable the date felt. We both found out we're autistic, both late diagnosed, and we mask a lot, meaning we're used to putting on a social 'act' to fit in."
"But with each other, it felt like we didn't have to pretend so much, and that made the whole evening feel easy. It wasn't like most dates where you're constantly trying to impress the other person. We just clicked."
"Physically, Emily wasn't the type my friends thought I'd be into, but I didn't care at all. She's sweet, funny, and I had an amazing time with her."
"By the end of the night, we exchanged numbers, and we've been texting pretty regularly since."
The OP was shocked when he found out the truth behind his date.
"A few days later, though, I got a really sad message from Emily."
"As it turns out, my friends told her that they set us up as a prank and that they set me up with her because they thought she wasn't 'my type,' and that they picked her specifically because she's chubby and not what they'd call 'conventionally attractive,' thinking it would be funny to see how I'd react."
"Emily was obviously hurt and texted me, apologizing if she wasn't what I expected. She said she understood if I didn't want to talk to her anymore."
"She was wrong. I think she's beautiful. Body and spirit. To be honest, she's my new type."
"I was furious when I found out what my friends had done. I immediately apologized to Emily, telling her my friends were id**ts and that I genuinely enjoyed our date. I reassured her I wasn't texting her out of pity and that I thought she was awesome."
"After we talked it out, I asked her if she'd like to go on another date just the two of us, with no pranks or games this time. She said yes."
The friends were furious when their prank backfired so badly.
"Now, my friends are pissed at me. They're saying I ruined the joke and that I'm being 'weird' by asking her out again."
"They're acting like the whole thing was just harmless fun and can't believe I'm going on a second date with someone who, to them, was supposed to be the punchline."
"They even joked that I'm only doing it because I feel bad, but that's not it at all. I actually like Emily. I'm looking forward to seeing her again, and I don't see why I should let their prank dictate how I feel."
"So now I'm getting all this backlash, and my friends think I'm the a**hole for continuing to see her."
"I'm so confused. They keep saying it's my autism and that I just don't get it."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some urged the OP to throw out the friends and keep his new girlfriend.
"You have friends that act like this at 28? Eww. I'd keep the girl and ditch the friends. NTA." - ImposterSyndrome412
"You keep using the word 'friend' to describe utterly despicable bullies. Why?" - TheSupremeAdmiral
"NTA. F**k your friends. Enjoy your time with this girl; she sounds nice." - MadMaxx999666
"What gets me the most is that the 'friends' went out of their way to make Emily feel awful. These aren't people I'd consider friends anymore. I also would like to fight these jerks a little." - serenidynow
"It's one thing to set your friend up with someone you think they wouldn't be into as a prank (still an a**hole thing to do, but I could excuse it from some dumb teenagers, not grown men), but to then go out of your way to make the girl feel bad after your friend didn't have the expected reaction is absolutely vile."
"This girl sounds great, and those are not your friends." - Babyfarm29
"NTA. It was a s**tty 'prank' from the beginning (especially since you don't have much free time), but it did get you to go out and enjoy yourself."
"What really is f**ked up is they are so upset their prank fell flat that they contacted her instead of you to the effect of, 'Hey, you cheated somehow... you weren't supposed to be cool or special.'"
"It wasn't the desired effect for your friends, but this is actually wayyyy better of an outcome and they're upset."
"There's gotta be one or two of them that are at least remorseful (I hope I'm not being too optimistic about it), and they're just acting out right now. If there aren't any, I'd say cut ties with all of them. They can think they won; meanwhile, you're the one who's actually happy." - evilmher
"THESE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS."
"Please. Let me be your internet Dad today. I am the father of an amazing young man on the spectrum already, and have given this advice to my own son."
"If your friends laugh at you, and not with you, you're a joke to them."
"They set up a perfectly wonderful young lady with the intent of hurting her. On no level is that cool. When their plan for oblique hurt didn't pan out, they tried to hurt her directly."
"Be your own man. Stand up and defend her and denounce these horrible individuals. You're not 15, stupid and full of hormones and angst. You're adults, and this is reprehensible."
"These. Are. Not. Friends."
"These. Are. Not. Good. People."
"They will hurt you, and they will laugh." - asyrian88
Others were perplexed by the future of the healthcare population.
"Having worked in healthcare, I'm not surprised that 1) mean girl mentality is so rampant in medicine that three whole grown-a** men decided this was a sane thing to do, 2) this is how future physicians think of and treat 'ugly fat chicks,' and 3) that they're using OPs autism to tell him that he 'doesn't get it.'"
"Misogyny, fatphobia, ableism, and less maturity and empathy than most toddlers." - fizzy_lime
"It's one type of f**ked up to do this at all, to then tell the person they were a joke? 'It's your autism you don't get it' and these people are going to be doctors?!"
"Emily sounds like an absolute sweetheart, and I want to throw hands for her." - Ok-Fondant-553
"Your friends are ableist and sexist a**holes. Screw them. Also, sorry to break this to you but they aren't your friends, nor should you want them to be if they're both that horrible to women that they would make someone a punchline, who would bully someone like that?"
"And also, using your autism as some insult is disgusting."
"I'd tell them they're not your friends and ditch them for Emily, who sounds great no matter what, either as a friend or as a future partner. She's a much better person than they are."
"I seriously cannot believe that guys of any age would do this, let alone in their late 20s, and let alone as people who apparently want to help other people, it's so gross." - Princess-of-Power-42
"NTA. Such sophomoric behavior. As someone who is pretty much a professional patient, I can say that I would not want a doctor, surgeon, anesthesiologist, etc., to have that kind of humor."
"Ditch the dudes, and keep the super cute geologist." - bookishmama_76
"I love that Emily is your new type. F**k your 'friends.' I would be disappointed if they were medical students, too; I sincerely hope they do not continue. Enjoy your new relationship!" - merry1960
The subReddit was disgusted that anyone would act like this, let alone in their late twenties.
Instead of being happy for their friend that he had found a good match, they were angry that their sexist prank had not gone the way they had planned. They then proceeded to body-shame Emily and make ableist remarks against the OP.
Hopefully, they will realize at some point that the medicine profession is not for them because it clearly isn't a good fit.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.