Consent is key in relationships. That includes friendships.
But what if your friend is impaired and can’t consent to anything? A Redditor found himself asking that question after he took action without a friend’s clear consent.
So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor Yeah_Nah_Straya asked:
“AITA for forcefully removing my drunk female friend from a party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I went with a friend (we’ll call her Sandra) and my girlfriend (gf) to one of my roommate’s friend’s parties at their house. I didn’t know any of his friends because they were studying music and I’m in engineering.”
“So unfamiliar people.”
“After having a good time, it’s starting to get late and my girlfriend and roommate want to leave. During the party I’ve noticed Sandra getting gradually more and more drunk to a point that she rarely ever gets to (and she’s got a reputation of being a bit of an alcoholic).”
“There was a guy who’d been kicked out of uni (I think covering for drugs?) who’d been hovering over her since we got to the party. We all had pre drinks so she was pretty drunk before we got there mind you.”
“The thing is though, this guy was as sober as can be and I just didn’t like the situation. He’d been flirting with her all night and so when the time came, she didn’t want to leave but go with him.”
“My girl was constantly trying to convince her to go but she was having none of it.”
“I said that if she wants she could exchange numbers and follow it up at a later date. (There is a little bit of a backstory of Sandra regretting hookups when drunk but I’ll respect her privacy on that.)”
“Sandra had to get up for work in less than 5 hours, absolutely hammered. When I said this the guy she was with said ‘That’s not even that bad’.”
“The party host had come over and had a conversation with me basically telling us to stop nannying her and that she can make her own decisions and that she’s safe there, but I thought otherwise.”
“I’m not even going to go into the other sleazy a** dude who asked us when told we’re leaving ‘Sandra’s staying though, right?’”
“Anyways when push came to shove, with her absolutely refusing to go, I just picked her up and carried her out. Meanwhile she was trying to get away and holding onto things.”
“My gf and roommate followed me out and we all started walking home. By the time we were almost home, Sandra had calmed down, stopped and hugged/thanked me.”
“But without that information do you guys think that I was being too nannying and shouldn’t have forced her out without her consent?”
Redditors were asked to weigh in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Before the moderators shut the thread down for violating the subReddit’s rules regarding debates over sexual assault, Redditors declared the OP was not the a**hole.
“You, my dude, are the best friend in the world. Don’t change.”
“Pick that girl up and bring her home. Awesome! NTA” ~ Mirthe_99
“OP, you’re NTA, and in fact, I would be extremely proud to call someone like you my friend.”
“You didn’t succumb to peer pressure to leave her behind once you realized she was in a bad situation.”
“If someone’s too drunk to legitimately consent, I think doing what you can to keep them safe is always the right thing.” ~ sunnys1deups1dedown
“You are one of the best people I’ve heard about on Reddit. You went against almost everyone to protect a vulnerable woman.”
“You are the absolute best kind of friend. Absolutely NTA.” ~ Jenny-Thalia
“Yeah, sometimes people need to be dragged kicking and screaming, literally, for their own good.”
“It’s a fine line, but better to be upset you missed a chance at a hookup, than regret the fact that you got that hookup…” ~ DilbertedOttawa
“NTA. In my read, the other folks at this party were being creepy as hell. Sounds like Sandra was not in a state to give consent to any sexual situation.”
“I think you did the right thing by removing her from the situation. Like you said, if she wanted to hook up with them sober, then she can later.” ~ mckinnos
“NTA you were protecting her… Her being drunk means she is unable to consent.”
“And that guy being completely sober as well…”
“You did the right thing and you should be proud.” ~ VanillaFam
Friends who go to a party together should look out for each others’ health and safety.