Dealing with teenagers is no small feat, but adding the element of not even being a teen’s biological parent adds a whole other layer.
Redditor Reasonable_Mix_9357 recently had an awkward interaction with his girlfriend’s teenage daughter that drove him to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?) AITA for feedback.
The Original Poster (OP) asked,
“AITA for not picking my girlfriend’s daughter up from an event?”
He went on to explain the circumstances.
“I’m 37, and I’ve been in a relationship with a mid-40s woman (Amy, she doesn’t want to tell me her specific age, which I don’t mind) for about a year.”
“She has a 17-year-old daughter I’ll call Jess.”
“Over the weekend, Jess had a school event and had asked me for a ride in advance. I didn’t mind in the slightest.”
“I drove her over to the school, and we had a nice chat in the car.”
“When she got out, though, a bunch of her friends were there, and she waved to me and shouted “Later creepy stepdad!” with a huge smile.”
“I think it was a joke to her friends? They laughed, and I stared awkwardly for a few seconds. Then Jess said, “Go, go!” literally shooing me away.”
“I drove home thinking whatever, but over time it started to really grate on me. I know that she wanted to just show off for them, but I didn’t want to be stuck in a car with a girl who considered me creepy in any way.”
“I shot her a text around that time that she would have to find another way to get home.”
“She didn’t see my text for some time, but a few hours later, she called me asking for a ride.”
“I told her that I couldn’t do that as I had had a couple of drinks (which was true). Then she half hung up on me and apparently called her mother.”
“Amy was busy working on something at the time and told me that I needed to get over there and pick her up.”
“I responded that she could walk, get a ride from her friends, or take public transportation. It was 8 pm in one of the safest cities in our country, and she was going to be fine.”
“Amy then walked away, grabbed my keys, and drove off in my car, despite having a suspended license.”
“About 15 minutes later, Amy came home and shrieked at me about my treatment of Jess while Jess evacuated to her room.”
“I told her that she really shouldn’t be driving without a suspended license, and Amy said she wouldn’t have to if I were more responsible.”
“When I reminded her of why her license was suspended, she got furious (it’s a pretty touchy subject) and told me she’d leave if she had anywhere else to go.”
“I brushed her off with a lame “that sounds like a you problem” and we haven’t talked since.”
“Was I being an a**hole here?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“Esh.”
“17 is old enough not to insult the person doing her a favor, call an Uber, and apologize when she messes up.”
“37 is old enough to understand teenagers are childish. Be the bigger person and not break your promise to them.”
“40s is old enough to actually parent her child by both teaching her manners and using Uber instead of breaking the law.”
“None of you get a pass.” – Sea_Rise_1907
“OP did nothing wrong here.”
“He did a favor for his GF’s bratty daughter, got insulted for it, and told her hours in advance that she needed to find a new ride home (please don’t pretend one of her bratty friends’ parents couldn’t have given her a ride)…”
“got ignored, then had his car stolen by his AH GF (putting him at risk of having his car impounded if she got pulled over), then got threatened with a breakup, which only didn’t happen because entitled GF and her bratty kid are taking advantage of OP’s generosity.”
“OP did a favor, was responsible enough not to drink and drive, didn’t call the cops when his GF stole his car and didn’t kick the two ungrateful AHs out of his house over this whole thing.”
“He’s a saint.”
“Despite being a man, he is still allowed to have feelings, and he doesn’t have to do favors for people who deliberately hurt his.”
“And realistically speaking, if the daughter is going around calling him creepy, not being alone with her is the right call for his own safety.”
“He doesn’t need a pass because he’s NTA.” – Noodlefanboi
“ESH – why are you dating someone who wouldn’t tell you their actual age?! That is such basic info. What else is she not telling you? That is so weird.”
“Showing off in front of friends by being sh*tty to someone else is not cool or acceptable in any way.”
“If you already told her you will give her a ride, you shouldn’t have left her stranded. Be the bigger person, kill them with kindness, and so on…” – sneeky_seer
“There are a lot of red flags here, but OP seems not to see or care much about them?”
“🚩Not knowing gf’s age and it’s been over a year 🚩Gfs kid calling him creepy to him, and her friends 🚩Gf’s suspended license (DUIs ?????)”
“🚩Gf not having “anywhere else to go” 🚩Gf just taking his car keys and driving on a suspended license, then having the audacity to yell at him after???”
“Bro. Run. Don’t walk away from this relationship. Run Forrest RUN 🏃🏻♂️🏃🏻♂️🏃🏻♂️🏃🏻♂️🏃🏻♂️🏃🏻♂️🏃🏻♂️” – CelebrationIll285
“ESH”
“17 YO step daughters comments were unnecessary, but she’s a teenager. They f*ck up sometimes.”
“Your reaction was a massive overreaction. You still pick her up, then discuss it when she gets home.”
“GF driving without a license is silly (it means no insurance even if you don’t get stopped).”
“I’m not sure how far away she was and what public transport options there were, but she could have sorted a taxi or something instead.”
“Info: how far away was the daughter to drive, by public transport, and to walk?” – Usermane1001
“NO, NO, NO. A thousand times NO.”
“Yeah, teenagers f*ck up. This is NOT one of those times. I repeat: this is NOT to be brushed off as a ‘teenage f*ckup.’”
“I’m 17, probably a similar age to the daughter.”
“There is an INSURMOUNTABLE difference between, idk skipping school or some sh*t, and insinuating someone to be inappropriate with you (calling him a creep would, to someone taking it seriously, imply a personal experience she could then base that comment on).”
“I know the difference. My similarly aged friends would know the difference. Only someone who has no concept of consequence wouldn’t know that it’s a horrible thing to insinuate someone is creepy, baselessly and publicly.”
“Those kinds of things, no matter how one-off, can be life-ruining for OP if the ‘wrong’ (or, right?) person heard it, especially if we’re talking in the context of a minor.”
“Teenagers shouldn’t be blamed for being stupid sometimes, but under no circumstances should insinuate someone to be creepy (with her, as would be assumed to an unknowing ear)…”
“…in f*cking public where people who won’t get the ‘joke’ will hear should be considered just a teenager being ‘stupid’…”
“…you’d have to be pretty f*cking stupid not to realize baselessly calling someone creepy in public is a horrible thing to do, and 17 is more than old enough in terms of awareness.”
“I mean this with every fiber of my being. That was a horrible thing for the daughter to say in public as a joke.”
“People overhear things. They base the world around them on what they hear.”
“They hear that, look over at the daughter and then look at OP acting awkward. They are immediately going to believe the daughter because that was the side they heard first, and base every interaction with him and every word they may speak of him around that incident.”
“My sentiment is shared to an extent (ESH, though I lean towards NTA because I suppose OP’s reaction isn’t unreasonable in accordance with what the daughter said; it’s not like he can just head back like nothing happened)…”
“…but I want to make clear; the daughter is an AH for saying that. This isn’t a dumb teenage mistake. I can assure you every teenager knows that that is a horrible thing to say to a parental figure in public if you know it to be untrue…”
“…and the mother is an AH for allowing the daughter to get away with saying that without even so much as a ‘sorry’ to OP.”
The OP went on to update his thread.
“Thanks for the responses, everyone. I’ve decided that due to this situation (among other things) Amy and Jess are going to be leaving my residence.”
“I told Amy that she has until next weekend to get out, which caused a pretty terrible fight, but the red flags are very concerning.”
“I’m sure she’ll try to lovebomb me so she can stay, but I’ve made up my mind. I really appreciate your input on the matter as it helped me decide.”
This unfortunate situation seemed to have productive consequences, at least.