It’s bad enough when someone invades your privacy by reading something you wrote long ago that you never intended to be shared.
But it’s even worse when that person then critiques the thing you wrote on the basis of its historical accuracy.
That’s precisely what a guy on Reddit did to his girlfriend, and it stirred up a huge fight between them. He wasn’t clear on why he’d made his girlfriend so angry, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the username Less_Mousse1377 on the site, asked:
“AITA for pointing out the historical inaccuracies of my girlfriend’s erotic writing?”
He explained:
“My (23M[ale]) girlfriend (20F[emale]) let me use her old computer while mine is broken and I found an old archive written by her when she was 16.”
“It is a long story about a maid in the antebellum south that has a romantic affair with the man of the house.”
“It is not as overtly sexual as you may be thinking. It has sex, mostly towards the ending, but it is mainly romantic and very emotional.”
“The maid is clearly meant to be a version of my girlfriend. Everything was fine for me until the part when they arrived to a train station.”
“The maid wanted to leave because she couldn’t bear for their romance to be hidden anymore. The man was following her to try to convince her to stay.”
“The issue is that I found the general representation of the station (and, later in the story, the trains themselves) to be full of anachronisms.”
“I am a train enthusiast and know a lot about the history of rail transportation in the United States. So, I talked to my girlfriend about it but she got upset.”
“She has been saying I shouldn’t have read the story because it was a personal thing from when she was a teenager.”
“She is also mad my reaction was something as ‘superficial’ as the level of train accuracy.”
“Am I the A**hole?”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
As you might guess, his fellow Redditors were not at all on his side on this one–and kind of couldn’t believe he didn’t understand what he’d done wrong.
“YTA for snooping and for being one of those ‘well ackshually…’ people” –bendytoepilot
“I’m a published author and, when I was in my pre-publication days, this kind of unasked-for critique would have been a deal-breaker for me in a relationship.” –corsairtact
“Exactly this. When she’s ready to publish it, then her editor will hire a train expert and make necessary changes. Clearly OP missed the entire point of the story that he should not have even been reading in the first place. YTA, geez.” –Trillian_B
“Also, he’s whining that something she wrote as a 16 year old. So he snooped where he shouldn’t. Then got upset about a detail that most people won’t notice.”
“And then seems to think bullying a teenagers writing makes him a Great Man and so Awesome, when in fact, he’s a creepy a**hole.” –Lilitu9tails
“Not only did he do that, but the gf was upset that he read something that was personal and had for herself on her computer.”
“To top it off he goes on a social media site to once again divulge the gf story to the entire forum.”
“YTA. Stop reading, correcting, and speaking about someone else’s personal stories.” –JKaldran
“I mean it would be completely different if she asked him to look over the story for editing and story coherency.”
“Then his comments would be appreciated. But here’s he’s just snooping. It’s a little infuriating to read about.” –Rolix_Rubix
“Plus it was a teenage fiction. She probably knows it’s inaccurate but she doesn’t want to change it because it’s a remnant of her past.”
“And she didn’t even ask for his opinion, yeesh. He should have left it alone. YTA.” –grimdarkusername
“He learns his girlfriend wrote erotica involving something he is passionate about and his first reaction is to correct her…”
“I’d never snoop like that, but if I she shared it willingly I’d be talking about planning a romantic southern rail trip not worrying about the station layout.” –SeattleBattles
“All the other points are just side points: YTA OP because you snooped on your gf’s very personal writing. It was in an ARCHIVE ffs.”
“OP criticizing and ‘trying to help with details’ is just rubbing in the fact that OP snooped. You broke her trust and invaded her very private thoughts, daydreams, early efforts at writing, whatever you want to call it.”
“If i were gf I’d dump the hell out of OP after getting that computer back. This is a pretty bad violation of trust, and i think gf needs to see this as the first in escalating violations if she stays with OP.”
“Covering up the betrayal of trust by pleading OP was just interested in correcting certain train details….is about the most slimy of ways of making himself the victim of his own acts.”
“Again, YTA, In a really big way.” –farsical111
“Not to be offensive, but I’m wondering if OP might be on the autism spectrum.”
“Many on the autism spectrum are described as blunt. Often their bluntness is connected to pedantic things that they might be very interested in like movies, coins, trains etc.”
“Being on the spectrum might explain why they are having a harder time understanding their gf’s feelings as well.”
“I hope I wasn’t offensive to those on the spectrum with this comment and apologize for anything I didn’t get exactly right.” –danimalod
“Wondering if he is possibly asperger’s, because so many ‘well akshually people’ are people with Asperger’s focusing on their special interest?”
“The way he skipped right over the sex and emotion and all of that right to the part about trains just sounded very familiar of some people I have known.”
“Would not change the verdict though, he is still the AH because he snooped. That was obviously something she wrote in private, and she was probably pretty embarrassed to have him read it.” –HeatherHayesUndies
“I personally wouldn’t be able to masturbate to something if during the sex scene the upholstery was described as plum if I knew FULL WELL that on that model of train the seats were royal blue.”
“YTA and a nosey one too. A real keeper. EDIT Thank you for the awards, friends! It’s now clear that my advice is only popular when I’m being a dick. Am more than ok with this.” –Wetnosedcretin
“I hope she writes inaccurate stories involving trains and in one line she writes ‘waiting for the train as it giant white beautiful angel wings sprout from the top as it begins to lift off into the air as we all climb aboard and fly off into Nebraska through the clouds of change in hopes my idiotic boyfriend who snooped through my computer will learn to never snoop again because who cares!'” –spookyboo96
“YTA. It’s old writing, you snooped, and now you’re trying to ‘correct’ her on something she wrote for herself when she was 16. Quit it.” –Razzberries91
“OP can’t be serious. This was similar to reading someone’s diary and giving them writing tips….”
“Op didn’t respect the girlfriend’s privacy, read something that was not intended for them to see, and then tried to critique her private musings from when she was 16.”
“I mean… how can you not see that this is invasive, disrespectful, creepy and downright weird.”
“This was not meant for you. All all. Your critique wasn’t welcome, warranted, or needed….” –Electrical-Date-3951
“He’s just so icky. He went through her stuff without permission. He read something that was OBVIOUSLY not meant for his eyes.”
“That she wrote as a child, and probably looks back on with a bit of mixed nostalgia and cringe herself.”
“And then he critiques it. Unprompted. Uninvited.”
“And then he gets all mansplainy about her clearly very personal romance story. The story was great apparently–he read it all the way through. She probably is a MUCH better writer than he is.”
“That’s not even addressing the hilarious sidebar that what he chose to critique was the trains.”
“Why. Just why on earth. Why would someone think that his opinion, regardless of what it was, was needed in this situation.”
“Don’t give unsolicited critique OP. I’m more than willing to bet your gf has plenty of things she could critique you back for and I don’t think you want to invite that reciprocation.” –Whatdowetrynow
“I’ve actually edited romance/erotica for professional writers and the lack of attention to detail on some things was maddening, so I was ready to give this one a chance. But…”
“OP wasn’t editing, he was snooping. She wrote it when she was 16, so a little forgiveness in terms of detail is reasonable.”
“And… Consider the audience. If she HAD been serious about writing erotica, most people reading erotica aren’t there for the trains…” –sheath2
Hopefully OP can learn to respect his girlfriend’s privacy after this.