Getting along with the family of the person you’re dating is not a luxury shared by everyone.
Many people who don’t experience the closeness with the family of a significant other can be envious of those who do.
However, Redditor familyhelp2997 is experiencing an inconvenience that is making him want to distance himself from a certain member of his girlfriend’s family.
He sparked family drama when he expressed how he really felt about the situation and visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for not wanting to be around my GF’s little sister and causing a rift in the family?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I met my girlfriend when we were 11. We were on the same basketball team so I met her family at the games. Her sister ‘Sammi’ was 8 back then and I guess her family used to like teasing that she has a little crush on me and she’d get all shy whenever I hung out with them.”
“They made jokes about me being her ‘little boyfriend.’”
“Then we got together when we were 13. So the whole Sammi crushing on me got more obvious. Everyone in her family says it’s cute.”
“Sometimes Sammi would come with us to the movies and I’d buy them stuff. Whenever I go with her family anywhere Sammi always wants to sit nxt to me or on my lap. Never said anything back then since she was a little kid and didn’t mean anything.”
“Now she 15 and feel like the crush has got worse. To a point where it is awkward and uncomfortable for me.”
“She doesn’t hide that she gets jealous of my GF or when I’m at their place she’s like glued to me, gets mad if we wanna be alone in my GF’s room, wants to go with us wherever we go.”
“Everyone always treated it like Sammi being herself. But now it makes me super uncomfortable her wanting to be all over me sometimes and I purposely sit somewhere she won’t have space to be near me.”
“We just learned recently that my girlfriend is pregnant and we moved into our own place to get ready for our baby. Sammi straight up lost it when we told our families we’re pregnant.”
“I’m serious she locked herself in the bathroom crying for an hour yelling that she hates everyone. So yeah with her reaction I wannabe around her even less.”
“I told my GF how I’ve been feeling uncomfortable with her sister for s long time and I should’ve said all this sooner. My girl apologized because she always thought I was ok with some of the sh*t her sister does but says I don’t have to interact with her if I don’t want to.”
“She also talked to her family about getting Sammi to start respecting my boundaries and let it go with the boyfriend jokes already. They don’t think Sammi is doing anything wrong since the crush is innocent so they pretty much don’t wanna tell her keep some distance from me when we come over.”
“Her parents started coming at me to stop making a big deal and punishing Sammi for how she feels.”
“I showed my GF the txts they sent me and she got pissed. So now she won’t go either until they start getting her Sammi to behave right around me but they won’t do that.”
“The whole family is attacking us especially my girlfriend and it’s making me feel guilty. They’re saying I’m terrible for ruining things between my GF and them. They don’t get why I’m being this way.”
“My girlfriend is so mad she don’t wanna talk to them, they’re saying it’s my fault. AITA for starting this whole thing by not wanting to be around Sammi anymore?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The following Redditors identified the real culprits responsible for the uncomfortable situation.
“NTA. They let this inappropriate behavior go on WAY too long and encouraged it by not doing anything and repeatedly saying you were Sammi’s boyfriend. WTF.”
“Family and Sammi are very in the wrong here.” – chirplet
“Her family ENCOURAGED the crush! They nurtured her cute little kid crush, which she should have forgotten when she was 9. Now she’s a heart-broken 15-year-old. I feel for her. Her parents and the rest of the family are the real AHs.” – Calmandwise
“The parents did not only let it go on for so long, they actively created it. They need to own up to their responsibility.”
“The way they carried on, it’s no wonder that Sammi thought her sister was just a gap-stop for OP until she was old enough for him.” – Textlover
“She’s not been taught the right boundaries though. I feel really sorry for her. The family are absolutely in the wrong here.”
“OP perhaps arrange to have a chat with you, your gf and Sammi without the family present to explain new boundaries in a kind way. She won’t be happy about it but it’ll help everyone’s relationships in the future.” – Caribooteh
“OP you are NTA and I am so glad your girlfriend has her head on straight with her reactions and how she is handling her family – they however are and I say this kindly, Sammi needs to get some therapy (she probably won’t be super receptive to it, at least at the start but hopefully it will help her).”
“It’s not just about boundaries (which the therapist will be able to hopefully help her learn to understand and navigate in a healthy way) but also her feelings.”
“Her family helped created this situation and now she is in pain and they are being dismissive and ignoring that pain saying it’s just an innocent crush (it was when she was little) but now she is older and its clearly real to her (for her age/intensity) and she is hurting.”
“I think she still has that fantasy of you (not reality just that dream in her head) and the reality of the pregnancy crushed her (and created some cognitive dissonance) so honestly knowing what we do it makes total sense she reacted the way she did when it came crashing down around her head (I’m not excusing or saying it’s healthy it’s absolutely most clearly not).”
“However she needs help and support (and her parents need to get her some counselling to unpack and understand and adapt).”
“I think you are doing the right thing, keeping your distance for awhile and it is absolutely not your fault for the rift. It’s the parents for perhaps sensing and picking up on her childhood crush and fanning it to create this mess now.”
“I hope everything sorts itself out with time and you and gf stay happy and can re-establish good relations with her whole family in time and congratulations on the baby! I hope Sammi gets someone who is skilled and kind and can really help her heal, let go and move on as well.” – Phenamina1
“And put yourself in GF’s shoes for a minute. Her family has allowed her little sister to be inappropriate with you for years, sent sister on your dates, and probably disregarded GF’s feelings about this for years.”
“You speaking up may have been her final push, she can fight this fight knowing you’re in her corner.”
“If she says she’s fine with this, listen to her. Support her decision. Standing up to family is something so many adults struggle with, and here she is young and already prepared to stand her ground.”
“You’re NTA, just respect her feelings on this too and don’t let her family wear you down.” – TitaniumIris
Overall, Redditors agreed the OP was not the a**hole and hoped Sammi will seek professional help to help her get over her obsession with him.