Cooking, cleaning, breathing all essential things most people know how to do to survive.
Some people are brought up differently and never learn two out of three of those things.
And that can lead to trouble in relationships.
Case in point…
Redditor BurderThrowaway to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for ‘making’ my boyfriend eat fast food for a week?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My boyfriend grew up in a house that valued outdated gender norms.”
“The women were always responsible for cooking and cleaning, so he didn’t learn how to do any of that for most of his life.”
“That is, until he moved in with me after college.”
“He’s been good about a few things.”
“He doesn’t mind helping with dishes or handling the laundry, but the one thing I can’t seem to get him to do is learn how to cook.”
“The only thing he can do is microwave frozen meals.”
“I’ve been trying to teach him the basics, but it seems like it goes through one ear and just comes out the other.”
“He still can’t turn on the oven or use the stove without help.”
“The toaster is too complicated for him to use he claims.”
“Doesn’t know how to boil eggs, cook rice, or even how to measure out ingredients using cups.”
“I just don’t understand why he can’t grasp this but is fine with other things.”
“Here’s the part where I may be an a**hole.”
“I went on a trip two weeks ago for work.”
“I’m in charge of buying groceries (we have separate accounts) and I realized how expensive his frozen meals actually are.”
“Three to four dollars for each.”
“I said screw it and bought the easiest ingredients I could find for a lot cheaper for him to cook on his own.”
“He doesn’t like leftovers, so me cooking ahead for him was out.”
“Before I left, I sat him down once again and gave him a very long lesson on using the oven, toaster, and stove.”
“As well as how to boil/scramble eggs, toast a piece of toast, boil rice/noodles, and heat up pasta sauce.”
“I also taught him how to pan fry things like onions and other veggies, and how to tell when they were ready.”
“In case he didn’t want to cook both lunch and dinner.”
“I also bought things to make salads and fixings for sandwiches.”
“I come back a week later, and he is angry!”
“He claims I practically left him to starve, and how I know he has trouble cooking.”
“I retaliate, saying I showed him what to do, and I get a whole range of excuses.”
“‘Setting the oven/stove temp is too complicated.'”
“‘He cut his finger chopping onions and couldn’t chop any until his cut healed.'”
“‘He only likes the salad kits so everything is balanced.'”
“Apparently he only ate sandwiches, canned goods, and fast food for a week.”
“He thinks I’m a major a**hole for not telling him I’m not buying his frozen meals, and leaving him alone to fend for himself.”
“On one hand, I do think it was sh**ty of me not to tell him I didn’t buy his meals.”
“And as someone who grew up in a home pretty much only boiled hotdogs and veggies, and only properly learned how to cook after moving, out I do feel for him.”
“But at the same time, after a few months of not getting the simplest concepts, I’m left feeling partially justified in my actions.”
“So Reddit, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Weaponized incompetence. Anyone can use a toaster.”
“B[oy]f[riend] wants OP to cook for him forever.”
“OP, NTA. You are not responsible for your bf’s food.”
“Please consider if you want to be his free live-in cook.”
“Also, nobody died from eating sandwiches for a week.”
“Your bf is manipulating you into feeling guilty.” ~ Easy-Concentrate2636
“NTA. This is the literal definition of weaponized incompetence.”
“Why are you f**king someone you have to parent?” ~ Elle_Vetica
“Right! She needs to sit him down, look him deep in his eyes and tell him… ‘There are nearly 8 billion humans on the planet Earth.'”
“‘Out of all of them, only ONE of those people wants to be your mommy and that one should not be the person you are f**king!'” ~ MsAnthropissed
“NTA. You should search ‘weaponized incompetence.'”
“He is not unable to complete these tasks, he is hoping you’ll get tired of asking him to improve himself and become a ’50s housewife for him.”
“It was not sh**ty of you not to buy frozen meals for him. Is he also incapable of shopping?”
“He managed to leave the house to buy fast food.”
“Or did he have that delivered?”
“This man is not mature enough for a relationship.”
“He wants you to be his mother.” ~ MarxandMills
“You’re absolutely right about weaponized incompetence.”
“I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume he knows how to use a computer, an xBox, a smart TV, and can use Google Maps for directions?”
“He’s not mentally disabled.”
“He actually can figure out how to turn on an oven and fry food in a pan.”
“If OP has some reason she wants to continue to date this person, she should refuse to grocery shop or cook.”
“Just flat-out refuse.”
“Let him starve until he can bring himself to figure out turning on the stove.” ~ LissaBryan
“NTA – weaponized incompetence is a real thing.”
“Can’t use a toaster? Can’t boil an egg or noodles?”
“Get a life mate. He needs to grow up and stop being such a child.”
“If he wants frozen meals, let him buy them out of his own money.”
“Edit to add -> this is your future.”
“What is he going to be like if you two decide to have kids.”
“I’ll bet changing a nappy is just going to be way too hard, or prepping a bottle (if that’s how you choose to feed).”
“You both need to sit down and have an adult conversation because this is ridiculous.” ~ Nearby-Possession204
“You may be in charge of buying groceries, but when he realized he didn’t have any frozen meals, why didn’t he go buy some?”
“Or anything else his little heart desires?”
“Your BF doesn’t WANT to learn how to prepare the simplest food – not a meal, just food – for himself.”
“Why, I don’t know or care.”
“But I don’t think you can teach anyone about cooking who thinks a toaster is ‘too complicated.'”
“NTA. I suggest accepting him as he is or move out and let him fend for himself.” ~ FitOrFat-1999
“NTA : women are not rehabilitation centers for men.”
“Women are not replacement parents.”
“While as partners we can all teach one another things, which you have.”
“You are not responsible for someone who refuses to learn and become a better partner to you.”
“Do you want to be with a child?”
“I don’t think you signed up to be a second mom to your boyfriend.”
“Weaponized incompetence is abuse.” ~ Serendipity1007
“This. When I and my BF started living together, I made it very clear that I was not going to cook all the meals.”
“And if I did cook he was going to wash the pots and pans, because I was not okay with having to clean dishes in order to then be able to cook for him.”
“OP, your BF is using you, this is not a fair distribution of household responsibilities, and let me just say I would not put up with it.”
“Especially as I see my sister living under the same conditions.” ~ angelblade401
“She’s being cruel to herself by putting up with his non excuses.”
“She needs to let the kid go back to his momma until he finds someone willing to put him with that outdated bulls**t.”
“She is NTA in this situation but she is TA if she continues to put up with it.” ~ AlderSpark
“My rating of Y T A was mostly to make a point.”
“Yes, she’s N T A for the question she asked.”
“But at some point, adults have a responsibility to establish safe boundaries.”
“She is not responsible for BFs thoroughly childish behavior.”
“She is responsible for letting that BF treat her badly.” ~ Desert_Sea_4998
“NTA. He absolutely can do those things and is choosing not to.”
“It’s called weaponised incompetence.”
“If he acts incapable then he can make you feel guilty for not looking after him.”
“Toxic manipulation at its finest.” ~ CrystalQueen3000
“Is he your boyfriend or a toddler?”
“Youtube can teach him, it’s hard to believe that he is so helpless that he can’t even learn.”
“If 10 year olds can learn how to make an omelette so can he.”
“Besides, why couldn’t he buy his own stuff if he insists he can’t have anything else?”
“NTA. But is this really a relationship worth keeping?” ~ _raq_
Well OP, you have a situation on your hands.
You may need to evaluate this whole relationship.
Reddit clearly is in your corner.
Happy cooking.