For anyone who has ever attended a wedding, there are certain rules of etiquette that are typically followed, whether stated or unstated.
But one of the biggest common taboos, at least in Western cultures, is for a woman besides the bride to wear white.
Redditor white-dress-3304 recently clashed with his wife over this very issue, so he turned to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) to see if he was in the wrong.
He asked:
“AITA for asking my wife to change the dress she was going to wear at my uncle’s wedding??”
The original poster (OP) explained what led up to the drama.
“Basically the title but here’s some context:”
“So, My (M[ale]27) uncle got married a couple of weeks ago. He’s the youngest of four and he’s 4 years older than me and for that we’re super close.”
“However, my wife has not been on good terms with my uncle’s wife but overall they’re cordial with each other.”
“3 weeks prior to the wedding she purchased a white dress which was similar to a wedding dress (silhouette style) I asked if she was going to wear that at the wedding she said no, she already had a yellow maxi dress for the wedding. I was relieved otherwise we would’ve had a problem.”
But on the day of the wedding, his wife was not wearing the yellow dress.
“While we were getting ready to go, she walked out the bedroom wearing the white dress I saw weeks ago. I told her to wait and asked why she was wearing the white dress and not the yellow one?!”
“She said she gave it to her sister since it’s her style and couldn’t say no cause her sister begged her to borrow it for her trip. Explained that the white dress looked better and felt more comfortable so no problem.”
“I said of course we had a problem! Wearing white to a wedding when she’s not the bride is a huge no!”
“I told her I didn’t want for us to cause drama and attention but she got mad and said she’s an adult and is responsible for her dress choice.”
After the OP gave her an ultimatum, his wife dug her heels in.
“I firmly told her as the argument got heated that I strongly believe her reasons to wear the white dress were because of her issues with my uncle’s then STB-wife.”
“I suggested she stay at home and not attend if she can’t get along with her. But she said it wasn’t about that.”
“Eventually, I asked her to change the dress and wear something else, something more appropriate but she turned this into a huge argument about me treating her selfishly and basically choosing my uncle and his wife’s feelings over hers because I told her I don’t want this to affect my relationship with my uncle.”
“She got all stubborn and refused saying she either keep the dress or not go. She chose to stay. I went to the wedding without her and I wasn’t happy.”
Since the incident, things have between them have been icy at best.
“Since then she’s been giving me the cold shoulder saying I deprived her of being at the wedding by policing her looks and disregarding her feelings.”
“I asked, how she’d feel if someone showed up in a white dress at our wedding for example? Would she be okay with that?”
“I got no response but all she says now is I chose my uncle and his wife’s feelings over hers.”
“AITA??”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
They weren’t buying the wife’s excuse.
“It’s too close of a coincidence that she bought a white dress before, and just HAD to give the yellow one away.”
“Good for you for sticking up for your uncle and his bride, you potentially prevented a HUGE scene and saved family drama. If she genuinely wanted to go to the wedding and not have drama, changing would have been a simple request.”
“I don’t think you chose their feelings, you chose what was right and kind, because her CHOICE would have had a negative impact on others.”
“She is trying to manipulate the situation into being about her feelings, but this was a choice she made that unfortunately had consequences. That is on her.”
“Your wife knows it was wrong, that’s why she won’t answer you when you remind her that she wouldn’t be okay with it at her wedding. NTA.”—nervous-lizard
“This. There isn’t a snowballs chance in hell she DIDN’T buy that dress specifically for the wedding.”
“She knew exactly what she was doing. She knew exactly how it was going to play out. And she wanted it to play out that way.”
“Good for you, OP, for putting your foot down and not letting it happen!”—Willowed-Wisp
“There is a rule of thumb which is almost universally true (excepting of course in cases of genuine cross cultural confusion):”
“If you wear a white dress to someone’s wedding without being asked to, the bride makes you insecure af”—StGir1
“She definitely was never going to wear the yellow dress, otherwise she wouldn’t have given it away before the wedding. The white dress was always the plan.”—saucynoodlelover
“Your wife is an AH and she knows it.”
“She also knows that wearing white to another woman’s wedding is not only wrong, but a clear attempt to stand up the bride and steal her moment. (assuming, of course, the wedding is in a culture where the bride wears a white dress and nobody else does…which I assume we’re talking about here.)”
“More – your wife tried a power play and lost. That’s going to be a problem for a long time b/c you chose your uncle’s happiness over her desire to show up his wife.”
“You absolutely did the right thing. You are not the a**hole. NTA.”
“And you still lose, b/c your wife’s mad and will likely never forget this. Maybe you want to consider this and think about whether this is a one-off or a deeper problem in her personality.”
“If she’s going to be like this for your entire life…well that’s some thinking to do.”—FrnchsLwyr
“NTA – Your wife was being unbelievably selfish. Does she really not understand how rude it is to wear white at a wedding when you’re *not* the bride?”—Animalime
For many, the OP’s wife’s behavior is a major red flag.
“Considering that your wife was trying to sabotage the wedding, you may want to re-examine the relationships. I suspect that your wife’s problems with your uncles wife is generated by your wife.”—LadyLightTravel
“I would bet money that uncles wife is younger and/or objectively more attractive than OP’s wife. Or at least that’s how OP’s wife sees it.”
“She’s threatened by the new wife for whatever reason, and decided the best way to assert dominance was to wear white to her wedding.
“She most likely did it so if new wife got upset OP’s wife could be like ‘see I have no idea why she’d cause drama, it’s just a dress. She must be insecure and jealous of ME’ not realizing that her whole ploy shows she’s the jealous and insecure one.”
“There’s really no other reason to be that stubborn in wanting to wear white to a wedding of someone you dislike.”—misspizzini
“OP needs to have a long hard look at his wife’s behavior leading up to this. Her attempt to sabotage the wedding was really over the top for someone who dislikes the bride but has always been friendly to the groom.”
“She flat out lied to her husband about the dress, which shows utter disrespect to him, then blames him and attempts to guilt him when they argue over her wearing it.”
“Has she always been this devious and spiteful? Has she always wanted to be the center of attention to all the guys in the room?”
“Or is there, as some have suggested, a chance she had developed feelings for the uncle and was consumed by jealousy of his bride? If so, does OP wish to continue in a relationship with a liar and emotional cheat, who doesn’t really respect or even seem to care much for him?”—Far_Administration41
“I really hate to speculate too much about the motivations of people I’ve never met, but it kind of makes me wonder if your wife’s problem with your uncle’s wife is jealousy.”
“Is it possible that she’s had some kind of feelings for your uncle that go beyond the norm? I normally wouldn’t assume this, but you two are very close in age and unless there’s some other reason you don’t know about, I don’t know why she’d have such a hate-on for the woman in his life.”—tristanitis
It sounds like the OP has a lot of thinking to do about his relationship.
If his wife isn’t willing to bury the hatchet with both him and his uncle’s new wife, she may find herself wearing that white dress all the way to divorce court.