Lots of people have quirks and eccentric behavior.
Quirks are a large part of what makes a person so unique.
But not all quirks and behaviors sit well with others.
Certain behaviors can be destructive in intimate relationships.
Redditor MidasOfRuin wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA Insisting 33-year-old B[oy]F[riend] wears shoes in shopping centres?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (35 F[emale]) had been planning on going to our local very large shopping centre all day.”
“When I’ve finished work, my BF comes over, and I gave him a 30-minute reminder, a 15-minute reminder, and a 5-minute reminder that we were leaving.”
“Once we left, I asked him if he brought shoes (ongoing dispute in our relationship), and he said no.”
“I’ve told him countless times he has the choice to not wear shoes when we leave the house, but I also have a choice to not be a part of it.”
“I informed him I consider not wearing shoes in public a disgusting practice, and he started accusing me of insulting him and calling him disgusting.”
“I reiterated I wasn’t saying that about him as a person, just the act of going barefoot in nice, very busy shopping centres.”
“On the drive there, I informed him he would be staying in the car because again, it was his choice to not wear shoes, and now he’s accusing me of not wanting to be with him, not wanting to spend time with him, and calling him disgusting.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Guys, just break up.” ~ ResponsibilityFar467
“This whole situation sounds exhausting.” ~ bfjizzle
“Also, he’s gross.”
“Let him be gross with someone else.”
“I swear I’m getting sick of stories about men’s lack of hygiene.”
“Are these adults or babies???” ~ Gryffindorphins
“I would not go to any public place with a barefoot adult or mobile child.”
“Not my partner, a friend, my son or daughter, or a sibling.”
“It is gross.” ~ Queen-Pierogi-V
“NTA. Does he wash his feet when he re-enters the house, or just walk around on your clean floors with gross, germy feet?”
You must live in a good area, because I’d be terrified of getting glass or a needle in my foot at the local shops!” ~ HereLiesSarah
“Those signs that say ‘no shirt, no shoes, no service’ are real.”
“Those floors are disgusting.”
“People spit, they spill stuff, they track in dog feces on the bottom of their shoes.” ~ Nanabanafofana
“It’s NOT common practice in Australia.”
“It’s considered impolite at best, revolting at worst.”
“I’ve never lived anywhere where this was considered appropriate.”
“It is tolerated in beachy, touristy places, but not at all the norm where people actually live.” ~ lurkylurkeroo
“NTA. Most shops have a policy of ‘no shirt, no shoes, no service.'”
“This is not a secret.”
“He could get banned from the mall.”
“He could have stayed home, or he could have brought his shoes, but doing what he did seems like he’s passive-aggressively trying to ruin your plans, but also make you feel guilty for having any standards.”
“He’s the one choosing bare feet over your company.” ~ NeedsMoreCookies
“I generally prefer going around without shoes where able.”
“That said, it’s both common courtesy to others and safety to at least wear thongs when going to the shops. NTA.” ~ emptinessmaykillme
“NTA, but for God’s sake, raise your standards.”
“Because you’re in a relationship where wearing shoes in public places is controversial and a power play.”
“Why are you with this person when you are so obviously miserable?” ~ lurkylurkeroo
“There’s nothing wrong with having standards.”
“You didn’t request anything unreasonable.”
“However, do you want to take care of a child for the rest of your relationship with him?”
“Because that’s what you’ll be doing.”
“This is how he chooses to live his life.”
“He knows how you feel about this-probably among other things-and he doesn’t care.”
“Take some time to really think about this.”
“If you don’t want to take care of a child the rest of your life with him, then you should part ways and find someone who meets your standards.” ~ Adagioshine
“Just because I’m curious, when you say not wearing shoes, do you mean he is walking in completely barefoot?”
“Or he’s wearing sandals/flip-flops?”
“If he is barefoot, then it goes beyond hygiene complaints. that 100% personal hazard.”
“Cleaning staff can be on top of sh*t by the second, and sh*t can still go wrong in a shopping center.”
“Sharps, glass, liquids, it can take maintenance 5 to 10 minutes to answer a spill(circumstances pending).”
“It only takes a customer a second of not paying attention to have a bad day.”
“If he is wearing sandals at least, then I’d say that’s a you problem that you’re going to have to work out on your own.” ~ jstpassinthru123
“NTA. I had to reread this to make sure I wasn’t confusing a 33‑year‑old man with a three‑year‑old throwing a tantrum.”
“Honestly, it might be time to move on and date someone who doesn’t have the emotional maturity of a toddler.”
“Good luck, OP.” ~ Nuthatch34
“There is a man who comes into the bakery I work at barefoot.”
“He travels barefoot, rides his bike around, is super considerate about his ecological footprint – and no, he is not homeless.”
“He is a vet tech. “
“He is the nicest customer ever!”
“One of my favs.”
“I would never go barefoot for personal preferences, but I admire his commitment to his beliefs.”
“Maybe your boyfriend has different views, and that’s ok?!”
“If he doesn’t want to listen to you, that’s ok?!”
“If you’re embarrassed by him or disagree, then maybe you two aren’t meant to be?!”
“I could not date someone like that because I’m OCD about germs, but hey, I’m sure there is a girl out there that might!” ~ Unable_Cod730
“NTA, You have to give him warnings that you are leaving the house?”
“Why don’t you just have a child?”
“At least you can teach them social conventions, and you won’t have to keep having this argument.” ~ International-Fee255
“NTA. I mean, good GOD, you’re dating Fred Flintstone.”
“My entire body shuddered with how gross that is, and frankly, strange.” ~ TheWonderVenus
“NTA. You told him it is unsanitary and dangerous, and he keeps doing it.”
“You are being kind.”
“I would ban him from my house without washing and disinfecting his feet.”
“It is not about preference, but about health and safety.” ~ SoulSiren_22
“NTA. And every single person here is saying YTA is disgusting.”
“Shoes need to be worn in public spaces unless at a park or beach.”
“Hygiene habits sound disgusting.”
“Either he grows up, or you should ditch him.” ~ Princess_and_a_wench
“NAH. He’s not going to wear shoes because that’s what he wants.”
“But you want to be with someone who understands why a lot of stores have signs about ‘no shoes, no shirt, no service,’ which is totally OK.”
“This isn’t going to get better.”
“You can either continue to get annoyed about it for the rest of your time, or break up with him due to wanting different things in life.”
“I vote for splitting because, again, he’s not going to change.” ~ Lasdtr17
“NTA. And every single person here is saying YTA is disgusting.”
“Shoes need to be worn in public spaces unless at a park or beach.”
“Hygiene habits sound disgusting.”
“Either he grows up, or you should ditch him.” ~ Princess_and_a_wench
“NTA. Do you allow him to walk barefoot in your house and sleep barefoot in your bed?”
“What if he has to use the public facilities?”
“Gross.” ~ HedgehogNo8361
“Where are you that allows someone to walk around barefoot?”
“Many businesses in the US won’t let you enter unless you are wearing clothes and some form of footwear (even if it is house slippers).”
“NTA. It is dirty, gross, and risks foot injury.” ~ NekoMao92
“NTA, because this is disgusting.”
“But it sounds like this is who he is, and you guys don’t align.” ~ Routine-Abroad-4473
“NTA. It is disgusting.”
“I’m guessing he’s not washing his feet when he comes home 🤢.” ~ QuestionWestern8423
“NTA. My brother is very much like this, and most women don’t take him seriously as a partner.”
“Maybe it is time to rethink some things, too.” ~ Thediciplematt
“NTA, and my god, I cannot imagine what his feet look like. “
“And he comes into the house with those feet?”
“And sleeps in your same bed?? 🤢.” ~ truly_scrumptious_2
“NTA – but you did call him disgusting.”
“Which is OK because he does a disgusting thing.” ~ Appropriate_Steak486
“NTA. You are dating a toddler, not a grown-up.”
“It’s about the shoes; I need repeated reminders about when it’s time to leave for an event.”
“He is an actual adult.”
“If he doesn’t act like one, well, that’s his choice.”
“You, on the other hand, deserve to date a person who acts like an adult.”
“Listen to yourself.”
“Don’t date someone who behaves like a child.” ~ RainInTheWoods
“NTA. He is correct; it is his choice not wear shoes into establishments where convention dictates proper apparel.”
“Your choice is if you want to be in a relationship with a child who refuses to dress properly and then throws a tantrum when you ask him to do the bare minimum.” ~ WhereWeretheAdults
“Is this real?”
“Why are you babysitting this man like this?”
“Multiple reminders, not wearing shoes.”
“I’m so confused.”
“You are NTA but have some self-respect.” ~ Opportunity_Massive
“Is your BF a 3-year-old?”
“You can do better.”
“I stopped having to tell my sons about wearing shoes in public places before they entered kindergarten.”
“My sons are 10 and 14 now, and I can’t remember the last time I had to give incremental warnings about departures.”
“NTA. If he insists on being a child, leave him and find a partner who can adult and enjoy time together.”
“Wishing you the best!!” ~ Certainlyaround
Most of Reddit is with you, OP.
He doesn’t have to wear shoes, and you don’t have to be seen with him.
Everyone involved has free will.
His behavior is definitely… different.
Looks like y’all have a lot of boundary issues to figure out.
Good Luck.