Finding the right nickname for a baby to call certain people can be a difficult process.
Aunts, uncles, and cousins are pretty straightforward.
But when it comes to grandparents, things can get a little tricky.
Not everybody wants to be reminded that they’ve reached the “GRAND” portion of life.
So other titles are thrown about.
Some are good ideas that people love, and others… not so much.
Redditor spideygorl22 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not wanting my MIL to have my daughter call her by a name that means ‘mother?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband and I are expecting our first baby soon.”
“And this entire time, my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] has said that she wants to be called ‘Ima’ (or ‘Ema’), which I, as well as a few other family members, have always thought meant ‘grandmother’ in Hebrew.”
“Our family is Christian, so I thought a Hebrew name meaning was cool.”
“Until I actually thought to Google what that name really means, and it means ‘mom’ or ‘mother.'”
“I personally REALLY do not like that my MIL, future grandmother to my daughter, wants to be called ‘mother,’ regardless of it being in another language.”
“My S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw]s think it’s weird.”
“My friends think it’s weird. “
“My mom thinks it’s weird. “
“And my husband thinks it’s not a big deal, which is disappointing.”
“I just know in my gut that I do not like that name, and I really don’t like that my MIL is trying to be called by a title that she is not.”
“I’m my daughter’s only mother, nobody else.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for that?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Propose Safta, the actual Hebrew word for grandmother.” ~ CatSockFiend
“I don’t understand, this family isn’t Jewish (unless OP left that out), it wouldn’t be common to recommend ‘abuela’ to some white lady from Connecticut.” ~ Abeds_BananaStand
“NTA – If she wants your daughter to address her in Hebrew, the word is ‘Safta’ or more commonly ‘Bubbie,’ or you can just call her ‘Meshuggenah.'” ~ releasethewumpus
“I’m Jewish. It’s WEIRD.”
“That’s what my kids call me.”
“I’m their mother.”
“Grandma is Bubby (Yiddish)or Savta (Hebrew).” ~ red-purple-
“Yeah, we called our great grandma Bubby growing up, and grandma was just grandma.”
“The only time Ema even came up was in her email name, LMAO.” ~ Blackbeyond
“NTA. I agree with the people who are saying let your husband handle it.”
“But also, has your family confused Ima and Oma (Oh-mah)?”
“Oma is a Germanic word for ‘granny.'” ~ PurpleMarsAlien
“Nah, you’re not the a**hole.”
“’Ima’ literally means mom; that’s weird territory.”
“She can pick any cute grandma name, just not one that steps on your title.” ~ EchoVanilla
“Safta is grandmother in Hebrew.”
“You are NTA here, it would seem either your mil has zero working knowledge of Hebrew (which is understandable, most people don’t) or she’s making a power play.”
“I think it depends on how calculated she actually is.”
“Your husband is an issue here, too, as he doesn’t see anything wrong with this.” ~ IamIrene
“October is ‘MiL wants to be called Mama/Mother/Ima’ month.”
“Lots of folks jumping on the bandwagon.”
“Let’s see if this one plays out any differently than the others, so the next one knows how to tweak the story juuuuuuuuuuust a smidge to induce outrage.” ~ Tapingdrywallsucks
Look at the generation becoming grandmothers right now en masse; it’s not surprising.
“For your husband, ‘I understand you’re used to your mother being weird and ignoring it for your peace of mind, but every other woman in my life thinks she’s being weird and it’s clearly trying to be possessive.'”
“‘I will make this my hill to die on, and if you don’t support me, I will make it known you are already failing at being supportive in setting a boundary with YOUR mother.'”
“‘You need to shape up right now and be a united front with me on this and any decisions regarding our baby that your mother disagrees with me or us on.'”
“Is he usually a mama’s boy?” ~ geekgirlwww
“NTA. You don’t have to worry because it’s your husband’s job to deal with problems involving his relatives.”
“They’re a lot more likely to listen to him instead of you, and he is more likely to know how to communicate with them.”
“Tell him you don’t want your daughter to call anyone else anything that means ‘mother, ‘ and he needs to communicate that to his mother, whether he thinks it’s a big deal or not.”
“If he won’t do it, your problem is with him, not your mother-in-law.”
“All he has to say is, ‘Mom, the word ‘mother’ is only for us, but you can choose another name.'”
“I would then seriously consider whether his capitulation to his mother is likely to continue to be a problem.”
“I would let him know now (so he has time to think it over) that he is married to you and marriage means his loyalty is primarily to you and your baby now.”
“You are concerned that he is not supporting you as far as dealing with his mother.” ~ No-Potential-7242
“NTA, tells her if she wants to be named with something Jewish, she can be called Bubby.”
“And that’s final.” ~ argplayer1115
“NTA – she is not the mother, and I’d have a talk with her husband about how it makes you feel, and he should stand behind you.” ~ Somuchallthetime
“We always have trends here on Reddit, and this is a current one, so I am doubting these are actual people at this point, but just in case, NTA.” ~ ServelanDarrow
“NTA. It is a big deal, and your Husband should be backing you up on this.”
“You will be the only ‘Ima,’ and your baby is not your MIL’s do-over baby.”
“‘Ima’ is a hill to die on, so put your foot down now.” ~ OnlymyOP
“NTA – tell your husband in that case he won’t mind the baby calling your father ‘Daddy’ and see if that changes his mind.” ~ Echo_Owls
“NTA. The same thing is happening to me.”
“My MIL is called Maa (which means mother), but in their native language, it’s used for grandmothers.”
“I call my mother Maa, and was hoping my kids would do the same.”
“But now, I’m plain old mom, and she is MAA.”
“Although it’s a silly, small thing, but it still annoys me.”
“I refer to her to my kids as DADI (Hindi for grandma), just hoping they might pick that up once they are older.”
“Hope you can sort this out. :)” ~ kathabaaz
“NTA! Your MIL sounds toxic.”
“She is not your daughter’s mother.”
“The Hebrew word for Grandmother (savta) would be fine.”
“Go tell her that I bet you she will flip out, you know that.”
“Look up the actual pronunciation, maybe a video of how to sound out the vowels. Hebrew is not the easiest language in the world unless you’re born into it.” ~ wowgamertbc
“The Hebrew translation for grandmother is ‘Safta,’ so if your MIL wants a Hebrew name, tell her she can use that.”
“All in all, your NTA.”
“She’s not the one giving birth; she doesn’t get that title in any shape or form.”
“Or language, in this case.” ~ sithmaster297
“NTA. Does your husband really think it’s not a big deal, or is it just a smaller deal than the tantrum grandma will have if she doesn’t get what she wants?”
“Cause it’s unfair that your feelings would be taken less seriously just cause you don’t cause as much drama.” ~ Leather_Persimmon489
“NTA. But I’m of the opinion that the kid ultimately chooses the grandparent names.”
“And obviously that’s going to be heavily influenced by the parents.”
“Talk about grandma a lot, but use the name you prefer.”
“The kid will naturally take on what they heard that person refer to as the most.”
“Husband should handle this.”
“And he should carry that same ‘it’s not a big deal’ energy with his mother.”
“If it’s not a big deal to you, it’s equally not a big deal to her, so that she can change her choice.” ~ Remote-Passenger7880
“Presumably, the child is going to be brought up in the Jewish culture, so the child will learn Hebrew and learn that they are calling their grandmother ‘mom.'”
“Like that’s shortsighted in so many ways.”
“I imagine it will be embarrassing for the grandma at some point.”
“Your husband is by far the biggest AH here, though. NTA.” ~ the_orig_princess
“Something I found interesting when I had kids was that THEY ultimately picked their grandparents’ titles.”
“I had a grandpa and a grandfather.”
“Yet my kids have a papa.”
“That didn’t come from me or my Dad.”
“Somehow it just happened.”
“I don’t think you’re the AH, but if you want to go about this a softer way, call her in the third person, whatever you want, around your kids.”
“‘Let’s go see Grammy,’ and it’ll shake itself out.”
“You could also point-blank ask her, ‘Why do you want them to call you mom and not grandma,’ and see what she says.”
“Maybe she’s woefully misinformed.”
“Perhaps it’s a power play.”
“I think the bigger issue will be how she behaves in all other interactions with your child.”
“If she is overbearing, overstepping normal boundaries, inserting herself, then it’ll make the Ima title especially egregious.”
“Either way, NTA.” ~ Habagoobie
“NTA – Just tell her she has to come up with a grandma name.”
“Mother in any language is meant for you.” ~ chatterbox2024
OP came back with an update…
“Talked with my husband about it some more.”
“He says he’s willing to talk to his mom about it since it ultimately matters what I think, and if it bothers me, it bothers me.”
“So I’m no longer disappointed.”
“Now hoping for his mom to be understanding.”
“Thank you for the input, everyone, and alternative names.”
“His family is German, so we’re gonna suggest the use of ‘Oma.'”
It sounds like you have it under control, OP.
You had every right to your feelings.
Reddit was with you on this one.
You’re the mom, it’s your decision.
Good luck and congratulations!!!