It’s hard for many parents to see their children grow up.
Realizing they aren’t their precious little boy or little girl anymore.
Of course, some parents also can’t wait for their child to fly the coop.
Some become impatient to the point of being resentful when their children take their time starting their adult lives.
Redditor Mikeylito2001752 was becoming tired of their adult stepson relying on them.
Particularly in one department.
As a result, the original poster (OP) laid an ultimatum on their stepson until he made a significant change in his life.
Wondering if they had gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for forcing my stepson to get a license?”
The OP explained why they were forcing their stepson to pay up:
“My stepson is 20 years old.”
“He works part time, and has been lazy when it comes to getting a drivers license.”
“He takes online college classes, 2 classes a week.”
“I’m tired of having to take him to and from wherever he has to go.”
“He has literally taken no action for anything in his life.”
“I don’t charge him rent. I’ve taught him how to drive, and his skills is ok.”
“It would be much better if he took initiative and actually tried driving more.”
“So I sent him this text today, please tell me if I’m the a**.”-
“‘Good Afternoon, sending expectations I have starting next year’.”
“‘Please have your drivers license by January 01, 2026’.”
“‘If not, I will start charging 100 dollars a month with an additional 10 dollars every month after’.”
“‘So for example’:”
“‘January (no license): $100 February(still no license): 110 March(still nothing): 120 Etc… so on and so forth’.”
“‘If you don’t have a drivers license by January, I will expect payments the first of the month, Zelled to me, without question’.”
“‘Further consequences will follow as I see fit’.”
“‘I highly suggest you start driving more, asking to drive, take initiative , watch online videos, research, and simply take care of your business’.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP Fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community had little sympathy for the OP.
Some had trouble sympathizing with either the OP or their stepson, feeling the OP’s motives were skewed, but agreeing that their stepson needed to learn to grow up and take some responsibility:
“ESH.”
“The better solution would be to simply tell him you’re not giving him rides anymore.”-ConflictGullible392
“ESH.”
“You’re not necessarily wrong, you’re just going about it in a very YTA manner.”- OglioVagilio
Others, however, felt that there was no way the OP’s point was going to get across with this method:
“Light YTA because there are about 20 better ways you could’ve approached this issue instead of sending a text.”- Aesperacchius
“Let me get this straight.”
“Up until now you enabled him and waited around for him to just decide to get a driver’s license.”
“He didn’t and you’re annoyed, so you, without speaking to the other parent involved, threatened to fine him rather than adult solutions such as having an actual discussion to uncover the issue or take an approach to encourage him to develop some initiative of his own accord.”
“Ex. withholding rides for anything other than necessary things like work and medical appointments – no more ‘fun’ unless he learns or pays up for an uber.”
“Also, where I live it is usual not just for a parent to teach a child to drive, but to get formal lessons. “
“Not only is the formal instruction of use, but if you use an accredited school, there is an insurance discount available.”
“Perhaps your stepson would be more confident if he was given such lessons.”
“I know I benefited from them.”
“Your harshness here makes me think that you don’t really care about motivating him to actually get the license.”
“You just want to punish him.”
“YTA.”
“He’s the 20 year old kid, not you, so do better.”- 24-Hour-Hate
“I dont understand why dont you just stop giving rides and ask for money for that.”
“Like, that would be reasonable and entirely normal.”
“For that matter, asking for rent like a normal household would be OK.”
“YTA for making rent size dependent on him having driving license or not.”- 24-Hour-Hate
“I dont understand why dont you just stop giving rides and ask for money for that.”
“Like, that would be reasonable and entirely normal.”
“For that matter, asking for rent like a normal household would be OK.”
“YTA for making rent size dependent on him having driving license or not.”- unsafeideas
“YTA for how you’re going about it with an arbitrary fee.”
“Just charge him per ride.”
“Listen, my brother did not get a license until he was 30.”
“He had a lot of anxiety and would get stressed out when one of us tried teaching him.”
“But he held jobs during that time, rode the bus, or walked home.”
“He finally decided to pay for private lessons when he was 30 and spent a few hundred dollars before he felt confident enough to take his test.”
“Never did anyone in my family charge him for rides during those years because we did it to be nice.”
“Talk to your stepson, find out what’s going on with the driving issue and talk about alternatives.”– 2ManyCooksInTheKitch
“YTA for the escalating fine structure.”
“Either charge him a set rate for rides (whatever you want to charge for your time plus gas) when you feel like providing them, or refuse to provide rides and let him figure it out, but the fine structure isn’t reasonable.”
“A person who genuinely doesn’t want to drive (or doesn’t feel capable of driving) shouldn’t be penalized for it: they should be made to figure out how they’re going to get around without driving (natural consequence– not a punishment).”- hiddenkobolds
“YTA.”
“But more because what are you expecting him to pay you for?”
“If it’s for rides, then you should have said that.”
“As it is, it looks like you’ve unilaterally imposed a random fine on a kid thats not yours for no reason.”
“Which makes YTA.”
“You could have just said ‘I’ll charge you $10/ride’ or “I’ll no longer be available to chauffeur you around’.”
“Both leaving him options to sort his own stuff out.”
“He’s an adult, and he’s not your kid.”
“You should have looped his parent in before any hard limits were given, and you cant just apply a ‘because I don’t like you’ fine.”
“TBH, this comes across as a pretty bad move.”
“Especially if your intention is to motivate the kid.”
“I guess unless you wanted to motivate him to dislike you permanently.”- Librarycat77
“I’m leaning towards YTA.”
“And I’m saying this as a college student who doesn’t drive.”
“How heavy the judgement is depends on how much you may or may not be stretching the truth.”- StereoChimera8906
“You call your stepson lazy when it comes to his driving license.”
“Yet, he works and takes classes.”
“You also mentioned he knows at least the basics since you taught him.”
“It doesn’t sound like he actually being lazy.”
“I suspect there is an issue either you don’t know about or you chose to discard as laziness. In any case, it’s either YTA or ESH.”- Certain-Business-632
“Where do you live that he has to get a ride from you all the time?”
“Is mass transit not a viable option where you live?”
“I ended up getting my permit at 26 years old, and didn’t get my license until I was 29.”
“Mind you, I’ve worked at the department of motor vehicles for 3 years before I got my license.”
“So.. he gets a license.”
“Then that means your insurance rates go up.”
“Are you going to allow him to drive himself to work using YOUR car?”
“It feels like there’s some part of the story missing here, but i’m starting to lean towards YTA.”-Evening_Leadership_5
There were a select few, however, who saw where the OP was coming from, even if they didn’t think they were handling the situation as best they could.
“NTA.”
“But why not just stop giving him lifts everywhere.”
“Tell him you are not going to and that he needs to get a licence asap.”
“No need for financial threats, just firmly tell him nor more lifts except in emergencies.”
“l presume he will have access to a car?”
“License isn’t much good if not.”- Spare_Necessary_810
“NTA.”
“But I think it’s the wrong way to handle it.”
“Instead of charging him a fee, just tell him you won’t be driving him anywhere after a certain date and if he wants to get around he’s either going to have to start driving, taking the bus, or Ubering.”
“He’ll figure it out.”- CaptainOwlBeard
“NTA.”
“But you should have said on Jan 1 you start taking public transport or pay for Ubers.”-FairyFartDaydreams
As children become adults, they eventually need to learn that they can’t always rely on their parents for everything.
Even so, the OP charging their stepson to get their license is not going to have the outcome they expect it will.
After all, anxiety never leads to good test results, making the possibility of the OP’s stepson outstaying his welcome without a penny to his name a likely possibility…