It’s always exciting to be invited to a wedding.
Until, of course, you take a closer look at the invitation and notice the date, realizing you won’t be able to make it.
While some soon-to-be-married couples are disappointed by this news, they otherwise understand that life can get in the way.
Other brides and grooms, unfortunately, are much less forgiving.
The mother of Redditor Glittering_Jelly8051 recently announced that she would be getting married again.
Unfortunately, upon seeing the details of her mother’s wedding, the original poster (OP) realized she wouldn’t be able to go.
A decision that did not sit well with her mother one bit, accusing the OP of “punishing” her with her behavior.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not attending my mom’s wedding?”
The OP explained why she would not be present at her mother’s wedding:
“My (32 F[emale]) mom (47 F) is getting married in a little over 6 weeks, in a destination wedding in Europe (we live in the US).”
“We don’t have a great relationship and I was raised by my grandma due to how young she was when I was born.”
“This is also her fourth marriage. I’m not hating on being married multiple times, but I’ve done this before and my husband and I flew across the country for her last wedding which lasted all of 2 years.”
“I told her when she planned the wedding that I wouldn’t be attending due to the timing and the cost.”
“Her wedding date is the day after my twins’ birthday, plus I just can’t spend so much money on a plane ticket and accommodation this close to Christmas and their birthdays.”
“She has brought it up multiple times and each time I’ve told her I won’t be attending, at one point I even offered to plan and host a party here at home for them to celebrate with the people who aren’t going but she’s really just hung up on the actual wedding.”
“She invited me and my siblings for dinner last night, and cornered me again about not going, I’m guessing because she wanted backup.”
“Two of my siblings took her side and said I could make it work if I really wanted to, one backed me up, and one refused to get involved.”
“Maybe worth noting that I’m the only one with a family of my own.”
“I repeated that I’d celebrate with them at home but I’m not budging on attending the ceremony.”
“Then I told my mom I thought it was underhanded to try and gang my siblings up on me and she needs to respect me and my boundaries more than she is right now.”
“She told me she thought after all these years I could stop punishing her but she sees now that I’ll never grow up and forgive her. I told her I’m not punishing her, I just can’t take on such a huge expense to come to another one of her weddings when I have a family to take care of.”
“She called me a b*tch for making a dig at her because I don’t think she took care of her own family, and told me to leave.”
“I went after her to try and smooth things over but her fiancé told me I should just leave and she’d come around.”
“I’ve texted and called her today with no response.”
“My siblings are all now refusing to get involved because they ‘see both sides’.”
“So am I an a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for skipping her mother’s wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP was under no obligation to attend the wedding, not only because it was difficult for her both financially and timing wise, but also owing to the fact that her mother wasn’t a present enough figure in her life to merit her being there:
“NTA.”
“You have perfectly good reasons and a perfectly good perspective here.”
“NO ONE should feel compelled to shell out thousands of dollars to travel internationally for a wedding.”
“Your mom is clearly an AH here, and is showing signs of being very controlling and manipulative.”
“From arranging a dinner to corner you to playing the victim card with the ‘punishing her’ comments to the name calling.”
“I think you’ve been very gracious with what you’ve offered, but you should NOT try to go after her any longer.”
“At this point, SHE should be proving to YOU why she deserves a spot in your life.”
“Stop trying to smooth things over, you haven’t done anything wrong.”
“This is entirely on her.”
“If and when she ‘comes around’, consider whether your life is actually better with her in it because that feels like a total power play on her part and you deserve better.”- owls_and_cardinals
“NTA.”
“She knew when your twins’ birthday was when she booked her wedding.”- KittyKiitos
“NTA.”
“But your mom and the siblings who sided with you sure are.”
“Out of country travel is EXTREMELY expensive.”
“If she really wants you there, she or one of the siblings who agreed with her should offer to foot the bill since she KNOWS you have two toddlers.”- Mundane-Run6179
“NTA.”
“Couples who insist on a destination wedding have to consider that the turnout will be lower.”
“You’ve told her multiple times that you were not going to attend and the reasons.”
“You also graciously offered to host a celebration party.”
“The fact that she called you a bit** just shows her emotional immaturity.”
“Her feelings of guilt are hers to own.”
“She could be jealous of you and your stable home and relationships with your children.”
“You have a family and explained your limitations.”
“You are most definitely the adult in this situation.”
“Are all your siblings going?”
“Not that it matters, but if not, why not?”
“And how’s she dealing with that?”
“Her fiancé seems to have his head on straight and understands your position.”
“Hold your position and don’t reach out any more.”
“She’s seeking validation to her behavior.”
“Keep your boundaries and if anyone asks, continue to explain the cost, timing, and how you’re being responsible to your own family.”- Few-Conference-1579
“NTA.”
“You don’t have to justify, argue, defend, or explain your reasons.”
“No is a complete sentence.”
“This may be a good time to use ‘because I said so’.”- KatzAKat
“NTA.”
“It’s hard to take a wedding seriously when the person marrying does not take marriage seriously.”
“Do what is best for your nuclear family.”- Medusa_7898
“NTA.”
“It doesn’t matter what your siblings think.”
“It matters how you feel.”
“You said no.”
“Not because you did not want to, but because it doesn’t work for you.”
“People who love you understand.”
“Please who use you get angry when they want you for something and they can’t have you.”
“Don’t beg.”
“Let it lie.”
“Repeat your answer.”
“The timing does not work, and I can not afford the expense.”
“That is enough.”
“Let them be mad as long as they need to be.”
“That is on them, not you.”- OhmsWay-71
“NTA!”
“Your mother’s life of rotating husbands and you’re the one that ‘hasn’t grown up’?”
“I think your mom is just using these marriages for free travel.”
“Stand your ground.”
“You don’t need to go if you don’t want to let alone the costs of travel.”- wowgamertbc
“NTA just go NC with her.”
“She’s toxic.”- Plenty_Resolution286
“I’m a twin mama too, only mine are grown.”
“I know how crazy your life is right now.”
“Your mother is waaay out of line expecting you to show up overseas when it’s your twins’ *first* birthday.”
“NTA, obviously.”- sbinjax
“NTA.”
“Tell her you’ll catch the next one if you can afford it.”- PrairieGrrl5263
“Tell your siblings you will go if they pay.”
“NTA.”- DrTeethPhD
“NTA.”
“She’s selfish and narcissistic – refuse to continue to conversation (grey rock) and don’t give in to the pressure, because if you do, you’ll never be able to hold boundaries with her again.”- HappyGoLuckyOcean
“NTA, so turn it around on your mom.”
“Tell her you have explained why you can’t go.”
“But if she really wants you there, then SHE needs to pay for your family’s flight, hotel, and any other expenses her wedding costs.”- LosAngel1935
“No one is ever obligated to attend a wedding.”
“And people who have destination weddings should know that not everyone they invite will be able to attend.”
“Even relatives.”
“Your mother is being completely unreasonable.”
“And childish.”
“NTA.”- pudah_et
The OP made it clear to her mother that she wanted to celebrate her 4th marriage, just not at her wedding.
So, if her mother wants to scold and punish her for not spending large amounts of money to attend a destination wedding during a challenging time of year for her, that’s kind of her problem.
Perhaps now the OP’s mother will finally know how the OP felt being left behind and neglected all these years.