The college roommate situation can be VERY hit or miss.
Sometimes people end up lifelong friends… or lifelong enemies.
College is a different experience for everybody.
And the clashing of experiences and lifestyles can cause a lot of headaches and drama.
Often, this can lead roomies to take drastic measures.
Redditor MundaneAd3602 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for changing the WiFi password and not telling my roommate?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hey guys, so my (19 F[emale]) roommate, let’s call her C (20 F), and I have been living together for about 8 months.”
“At first it was fine, but lately it’s become unbearable.”
“She’s one of those people who CONSTANTLY has things going on.”
“She has people over. Constantly.”
“It’s not just a few friends on a Friday, it’s like 4-6 people almost every night of the week.”
“They’re loud, they take over the living room, and they eat my food.”
“I’ve come home to find my entire fridge raided and gone more than once.”
“I’m not a hermit, but I value my peace and quiet, especially after classes.”
“I basically just hide in my room with my headphones on.”
“I’ve tried talking to her about it three times.”
“I was polite at first, then more direct.”
“Each time she gets super apologetic, says ‘you’re right, I’ll tone it down,’ and then nothing changes.”
“Last week I even left a note on the fridge asking her to please not have people over after 10 pm on weeknights.”
“She texted me, ‘ok got it!!’ and then that very night had a bunch of people over until 1 am.”
“Last night was the final straw.”
“She was having another one of her ‘movie nights, ‘ and there were like 8 people here.”
“They were being so loud I could hear them over my game.”
“I went out to get a glass of water, and one of her guy friends was trying to figure out how to use my expensive coffee machine that I specifically told her not to touch.”
“I just lost it.”
“I went back to my room, logged into the router settings, and changed the WiFi password.”
“It’s like 20 characters long, so she’ll never guess it in a million years.”
“Literally two minutes later, I hear a bunch of ‘OMG, the wifi isn’t working!!’ from the living room.”
“C comes and knocks on my door, asks if the internet is down for me too.”
“I just said, ‘Nope, works fine for me.'”
“She asked what the password was, and I told her I changed it.”
“She just stared at me and then asked why.”
“I told her the internet is for residents, not her friend circle, and that I was tired of it all.”
“She got FURIOUS.”
“Said I was being a psycho, passive-aggressive, and controlling.”
“I said I was being effective since talking didn’t work.”
“She and her friends all went off to another house, but since then, she’s been giving me the silent treatment.”
“She texted me that I’m a huge b**ch and that I’m making her living situation ‘hostile.'”
“A part of me feels bad, but honestly, I just wanted my apartment back.”
“I pay for half the internet, I should be able to use it in peace.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP and everyone involved WAS the A**hole.
“ESH. She’s certainly the asshole for continuing to have friends over after 10:00 on weeknights, especially since she agreed not to.”
“But she pays for half the internet; you don’t have the right to block her access to it.”
“Stop leaving notes; sit down and have a conversation with her.” ~ SamSpayedPI
“ESH your roommate more than you, by a lot.”
“She and her friends should not be taking over the place most nights; you live there too, and have a right to quiet times.”
“They should also not be taking your food and using your stuff without permission.”
“You shouldn’t be holding the internet hostage, as your roommate also pays half for it.”
“It really sounds like this isn’t a situation that’s good for either of you, and if you can, it’ll be better to look for different accommodation.” ~ Knightseason
“Assume the roommate is having people over and making things insufferable at all hours.”
“How do you propose getting rid of those people?”
“OP told her roommate about the late hours.”
“The roommate did nothing and let it keep happening.”
“Changing the WiFi password seems to be a very easy way to get them all out.”
“Especially because the roommate then left with her friends.”
“That means the roommate could have gone to someone else’s house the whole time, but chose not to.”
“You use the tools at your disposal.”
“OP did nothing wrong.” ~ TripleJeopardy3
“Nah, it’s at the point where we’ve reached the ‘it’s justified to be TA’ stage.”
“Which I think resolves to NTA by AITA rules.”
“She had multiple conversations. Her concerns and requests have been repeatedly brushed aside behind an apologetic facade of false ‘I’m sooooo sorry, I’ll make sure to keep your concerns in mind’ statements.”
“As long as she’s not holding it permanently hostage, she’s NTA in my eyes.”
“This is just the equivalent of pulling the plug on the TV.”
“Sometimes you gotta escalate to get forward momentum.” ~ ElectorOfTuscany
“Dear roommate, I’m sorry you feel I am making the apartment a ‘hostile’ living space.”
“I have felt for months that it was a hostile space for me because every attempt I made to ask you to respect my needs was met with an aggressive move to ignore what I asked for.”
“I really don’t enjoy having people here throughout the week nights, but I tried to compromise and just asked if the company could please be done by 10 pm.”
“That night, you had people here till 1 AM.”
“I’ve asked that you keep your company from eating my food, using certain of my appliances, and in every instance, what I asked was ignored.”
“This living arrangement is not working.”
“I’m offering you the choice of leaving within the next 30 days or I will.” ~ readergirl35
“I am sorry for turning off the internet; that’s a shared function, and you pay for that.”
“As a better solution, here is the bill for the food consumed, and please note that if there is noise after quiet hours, my complaints will be to the dorm advisor, and then the police.”
“Additionally, this interaction has highlighted that you are not a suitable roommate for most, as you show a disregard for the feelings and expressed concerns of mine.”
“If you cannot find immediate repair, please find another living space within the thirty days that this notice provides.” ~ TheCuddlyVampire
“ESH, but your roommate sucks more.”
“She has no respect for your boundaries.”
“She is lying to you by telling you she will change her behavior when she clearly has no plans to do so.”
“Changing the wifi password while her friends are there is hella passive-aggressive, though.”
“It would be better to talk to her directly and firmly.”
“Make it clear that her behavior is unacceptable, and your repeated attempts to address her behavior have been ignored.”
“It’s clear that you are not compatible as roommates, so you may want to talk to your landlord about letting you out of your lease early, because your living situation is untenable.”
“In the meantime, I would suggest moving anything you don’t want her friends using out of the common spaces.” ~ csick19
“I’m gonna go with ESH, but really, you’re just not compatible as roommates.”
“While I completely get why you’re annoyed at constantly having friends over late and in your shared space when you don’t want it, you also don’t get to unilaterally dictate to her what she can and can’t do re: having guests on property she also rents.”
“And then punish her for disobedience by cutting off access to shared utilities.”
“Boundaries like how often/how long they’ll stay should be agreed upon between the two of you, and if you can’t agree (which it sounds like you can’t), then you shouldn’t live together.”
“Also, put a Post-it or something on your coffeemaker if you don’t want guests to use it.”
“It sounds like your roommate was not in the kitchen when this happened, and expecting her will always tell every guest not to use it and they will remember is just not realistic.” ~ Merle8888
“NTA. Yeah, she pays half of the internet, but you pay half of the rent, and she’s messing up your living without compromising or changing it.”
“So you’re TA also, but justified in a way where she’s still TA mainly.”
“Having guests every night is unreasonable.” ~ SnooChipmunks770
“ESH. Both of you are in the wrong here.”
“Whilst living in a sharehouse, you do have to expect sometimes there’ll be more noise or activity than you’d like, but it does sound like she’s super disrespectful, which is not really fair.”
“However, if you’re paying half the internet and assuming she’s laying the other half, then YTA because she’s also entitled to use it, and changing the password on her is rude and does come across as controlling.” ~ Jittery_Ee
“You should have played dumb and told her that you didn’t have any internet either.”
“Let her figure out how to fix it.”
“I’m petty that way.”
“You are softly ESH for changing the password.”
“I get your frustration, though.”
“Your roommate sucks.”
“I’d suggest moving as soon as you can.” ~ Turbulent_Cow2355
“In the end, it doesn’t matter who the TA is here.”
“The important thing is that you two have such different lifestyles that you are incompatible.”
“Instead of focusing on who is at fault, focus on finding a different apartment.”
“Look at when your lease is up, and start looking for a different apartment, perhaps one that you can afford on your own.” ~ Infamous-Purple-3131
This is a messy scenario, OP.
Reddit is a bit divided here.
A lot of people wrote that it feels like everybody’s behavior is questionable.
It sounds like it might be a good idea for someone to start packing.