Sometimes life can get really rough.
People can fall down a bad financial rabbit hole that can take years to recover from.
That's when the help of loved ones can be life saving.
But some loved ones can't help but judge.
Redditor Lanky_Revolution4972 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for washing my hair in the sink at work?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I’m so tired, y’all."
"I’m currently sort of homeless because of a series of stupid decisions I’ve made over the past five years."
"I’m trying to get back on my feet."
"An old friend of mine helped me get a part-time job doing some cleaning in the building where she works."
"I’m there at night and I am the only person in the building."
"She wasn’t aware of how bad things are for me until yesterday."
"We went out for a drink to catch up, and so I could thank her for getting me the job, and I got a bit too honest and confessed that I’ve been living in my car for a bit now."
"She looked kind of put off and, after a minute, asked me how I’m keeping my hair so nice."
"Important info: I have really long, striking hair."
"It’s pretty much the only part of my appearance I’m proud of, especially right now... lol."
"I told her the truth: that I’ve been going to work fifteen minutes early and washing my hair in the bathroom sink."
"I swear to God, the only thing I’m stealing here is hot water."
"I bring my towel, use my own shampoo, make sure my hair doesn’t go down the drain, and clean up really carefully."
"She WENT OFF on me."
"She said it was disgusting, that she could get in trouble if people found out, and that I needed to take some responsibility and figure out real solutions."
"I think she said I was, 'selfish and gross.'”
"I feel terrible."
"I’m not able to shower as much as I want, and having clean hair has made me feel kind of human again."
"I know it’s not ideal, but I didn’t think I was hurting anyone."
"I just feel really disheartened and gross and stupid."
"The only thing that makes me wonder if maybe she was overreacting is that she was good friends with my ex-husband and maybe thinks I’m stupid for leaving him to be… you know, a homeless janitor."
"She’s always been kind of a tough-love gal."
"Anyway. I don’t trust my own judgment anymore."
The OP was left to wonder:
"How shi**y was it for me to do this?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.
"NTA. This isn't tough love; it's being mean and unhelpful."
"Do what you can to keep feeling human."
"She had only harsh words instead of comfort or an offer to shower at her place - are you sure she's a friend?" ~ Itchy_Juice_2528
"I honestly don't think it's bad at all for you to wash your hair there, and I think you should continue doing it."
"As long as you're sure there's no camera you could get caught on or whatever." ~ dandelionlemon
"NTA, this person isn't your friend. When I was living in a vehicle, an old friend I wasn't even close with anymore would host me once a week, and I would shower at her place, and we would hang out and watch movies."
"It was the kindest thing ever, and what people who actually care about you and/or actually understand what you are going through do in that situation."
"This woman may be just really oblivious and dumb, but even then, it's not worth keeping her around. Don't open up to her again and demote her in your life." ~ quantumpotatoes
"A friend from 30 years ago slipped me $50 when I went to a back-to-school free backpack event when I was couch surfing."
"One person that took me in was one step above a stranger, a mom from school; one was a woman I worked with as a teenager, and I was able to rent a room from her brother once I got a job."
"Kind people help, not criticize that you're doing homelessness wrong. Imagine." ~ chaoticnormal
"Since your job may depend on her, don't share with her anymore."
"I don't have a problem with defensive lying to dangerous people (like people who have no empathy), so I would personally tell her I took her advice and am now not washing my hair at the office."
"Say you found a shelter that let you use the facilities, or that you got a small apartment or room to rent." ~ driftercat
"I've never been homeless but I admit I've come close a time or two, and I've been without utilities before so no water or power."
"You know what my friends did?"
"They let me shower at their houses."
"They made sure I got at least one hot meal a day."
"They let me use their washers and dryers so I could have clean clothes."
"They did not judge me or act like I was suddenly contagious with something virulent."
"They acted like friends do." ~ GrimFandango81
"Exactly and this is why people struggle in silence because of so called friends like her."
"It’s hard enough and takes so much courage to admit you’re struggling because folks act like they have it all together."
"When friends have confided in me regarding their struggles with food hunger, money issues, or homelessness I’m immediately figuring out a plan to help not chastising them for going through a rough spot and calling it tough love."
"No that’s being an AH and horrid friend." ~ GonXHueyFreeman
"NTA. You do what you need to but I wouldn't make any more confessions to her."
"She clearly has no idea what it's like to be homeless. "
"Be aware though she might not be the friend you think she is if she says anything to the higher ups about what you are doing."
"I'd hate to see you lose what little you've gotten to get ahead because she is being judgemental and cant keep her mouth shut." ~ snchills
"NTA. She is worried that if you get caught, it will reflect badly on her."
"Unfortunately, its incredibly common for people without stable housing to be fired from jobs because of it."
"If your employer thinks youre a liability in some way... it could potentially affect her."
"Shes being selfish and speaking from a place of privilege."
"That doesnt mean you should feel guilty."
"It just means you need to be more discreet."
"Lie and say you have a gym membership somewhere (its a good avenue, you can probably find one for under $20 a month and you can go walk on the treadmill and shower everyday)."
"White lies in situations like this can protect everyone."
"It's a shi**y reality." ~ 1568314
"NTA. I think she's overreacting."
"People who aren't unhoused clean up in the bathrooms at our office building all the time."
"sometimes people go out on their lunch break for a quick walk and come back to rinse off and clean up because it's so hot here in Florida."
"I think she could've treated you with a bit more dignity and respect."
"I think also that your situation might be too real for her and she's embarrassed and overreacted out of that embarrassment."
"I would let her know that you are very thankful for her getting you the job, but she hurt your feelings and now you're not sure if you can confide in her as much anymore." ~ GemGlamourNGlitter
"Agree, NTA."
"I’ve worked in corporate offices where people do little sink showers, seen people curl their hair, put on full faces of makeup and do full morning skincare routines."
"OP is only getting sh*t becausssse of her circumstances."
"If a marketing manager washed their hair in the sink after their lunchtime yoga, it would be GOOPY." ~ uhohohnohelp
"NTA. I work in supported aged/disability care, and our clients are the seriously socially disadvantaged."
"Many used to be homeless or were in danger of being homeless before we stepped in."
"I've heard every story you can think of about how people managed to survive while homeless."
"It's a very, very hard existence."
"Keeping clean (your body, your hair, and your clothes) is one of the most difficult aspects of being homeless."
"A question I often hear from people who know the nature of my work is 'But don't they smell?'"
"To which my answer is: 'After we provide a home for them, no they don't. And YOU try keeping yourself clean when you have nowhere to go to the toilet, shower, or wash your clothes! I bet you'd smell too!'"
"Washing your hair in the sink at your workplace is about the mildest story I've ever heard."
"You've harmed no one."
"It isn't selfish, and it isn't gross."
"If your friend is so disgusted, she should offer you the regular use of her own shower at home."
"I bet she won't."
"Good luck." ~ ThisWillAgeWell
OP came back to chat...
"Ok well."
"Welcome to the time 400 internet strangers were nicer to me than someone I thought was a friend."
"Thank you all for making me feel like a human being, and for all the suggestions."
"I do have a gym membership now; it’s just far away and not convenient to get to, especially since I’ve been trying to save on gas money (and the place my car is parked is somewhere that feels pretty safe, so every time I move it I worry I’ll lose the spot somehow)."
I am going to find a women’s shelter this weekend and see what kind of resources are around."
"I appreciate the push, and everyone who told me not to feel ashamed."
"I still feel ashamed, but whatever. Yeah."
"Thank you all."
Reddit has your back, OP.
It stinks that your "friend" would treat you this way.
Sorry life is a bit rough right now.
Try not to be down on yourself.
Stay safe and good luck.
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