Content Warning: Homelessness
We’ve all gone through some tough times, and most of us really appreciate it if one of our loved ones tries to help us out during that time.
But there are a few among us who just keep asking for more once they’re offered something, cringed the people in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Background-Note-4742 kept a spare bedroom specifically for assisting with emergency foster care placements, but when her brother- and sister-in-law became homeless, she was happy to let them use it while they got back on their feet.
But when they decided that she change the room to meet their high standards, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked that two adults could be so ungrateful.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for having two twin beds in my guestroom instead of a queen and refusing to let my in-laws change the room?”
The OP and her husband were involved in helping children in foster care.
“My husband (24 Male) and I (24 Female) have been married for two years.”
“I am a social worker, and my husband works as an electrician. We own a three-bed, two-bath home together. We have our bedroom, our home office, and a guest bedroom.”
“My state’s foster care system is one of the worst in the country. There isn’t anywhere close to enough foster homes to meet the total number of children in care. As a result of this, children often get stuck at hospitals, psych facilities, group homes, etc. Often, we have children that have to sleep at the CPS facility in sleeping bags on the floor because there’s just nowhere for them to go.”
“Because of this, our state has made it legal for social workers to also assist with foster care duties, such as providing emergency placement care. I am certified in this type of care, so our guestroom most often is used for children who have nowhere else to go.”
“It’s very common for social workers to bring children home with them, myself included. It’s hard to find emergency placements for siblings, so if I can’t find a place for them for the night to keep them together, I will often just bring them home with me.”
“My husband and I are child-free, but he’s super supportive of this. So our guest bedroom has two twin beds, both with pull-out beds underneath. This means that I can give four children their own beds for the night.”
When the OP’s brother- and sister-in-law were in need, they shared the guestroom with them.
“Earlier this year, my husband’s brother and his wife were temporarily homeless.”
“They lost their jobs and couldn’t renew their lease. They had to scramble to find new jobs and a place to live.”
“We let them stay with us for two months. I didn’t really want to, but it was the right thing to do.”
“They were very p**sed about the two twin beds thing. Because of the way the bed frames are, you cannot push the beds together. And the room is a little small and oddly shaped, so you can’t fit a queen air mattress in the room without taking the twin beds out.”
“We don’t have a garage, so there would be nowhere to put the beds. They wanted me to get rid of the beds or put them in a storage unit, so they could put a queen air mattress in the room.”
“I refused because I didn’t want to go through all that trouble when they shouldn’t be staying for long anyways, and I worked hard to get the room to look a way that I feel is welcoming to kids, and I don’t want to change it.”
“I didn’t tell them this, but I also didn’t want them to get too comfortable with the room because I didn’t want them to be tempted to stay for any longer than necessary. I would rather house kids in unstable situations than my ungrateful in-laws.”
The OP was surprised by how many people were against her on this decision.
“My husband took my side and told them to get a hotel if they didn’t like it, but to otherwise shut up. He said that if they keep complaining they’ll have to leave. He’s a good husband.”
“My in-laws have been telling everyone who will listen to them that we’re a**holes who made them sleep in ‘kid beds.'”
“My husband has been telling his whole family to f**k off basically and to not talk to us unless they have something nice to say.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that two homeless people should be more grateful and that displaced kids deserved the space more.
“They have a lot of demands for people who get free housing.”
“Don’t let them come back.”
“Those kids sound like they need a place to stay a lot more than those spoiled in-laws.”
“If anyone takes their side, tell them to house those two.”
“By the way, I’m happy that people like you and your husband exist.” – Trailsya
“They’re far too entitled to free housing. The kids deserve the space more, and if anyone disagrees, they can take them in. Unreal entitlement!” – Lage194712
“They are such an ungrateful human beings. They asked for help and now they are feeling entitled. How can someone be homeless yet feel so entitled?!” – KerberYETiannaPip
“You are NTA and they are ungrateful AHs.”
“Wanting you to rearrange/redesign the space to suit them when you were loaning it to them temporarily AND MAKING IT UNAVAILABLE TO CHILDREN AT RISK WHO IT WAS SET UP FOR.”
“Rude, ungrateful AHs is what they are.” – LvBorzoi
“Children have no control of their home situation and you’re giving them a safe place. Hopefully, this makes them feel like someone cares.”
“And I really hope your in-laws give a second thought to who they’re taking that room from, and what they’re expecting from you, while you’re trying to help them out. Otherwise, they and everyone who takes their side is heartless. NTA.” – flyingsolo943
“Just in case you were unaware: letting someone stay for a month is highly likely to have made them a tenant and you a landlord in the vast majority of America. That is with no written or verbal lease and no payment. Kicking them out is a crime and one that police and the DA actually often care about.”
“In some states, they have reduced protections due to living in your house with the landlord (a so-called lodger), but not in California because there were two of them.”
“In almost all places you would have to give them a 30-day notice and they could probably make it take far longer with the help of a local tenant attorney.”
“Don’t do this again. If you’re tempted, speak to a local landlord attorney first to see just how big a mess this could become. You will probably be surprised to find out that courts will treat you as not that much different than a landlord with dozens of units, whereas you thought you were just a single homeowner doing friends or family a favor.”
“Separately, of course, you’re NTA. If people don’t like the free beds, free heat, free roof, and free wifi, then people can walk their asses straight out the door they don’t pay for. Bye now.” – xasdfxx
“NTA.”
“They knew what they were asking. But that wasn’t it! What they were REALLY was to change to room to suit them, to invest, to stay with you long term! They may have been there a week and decided YOU were their place to live now…”
“But, you played it right, for the kids.”
“Once they got a bed they chose in there, you’d never have gotten them out, not with a crowbar or a towbar.”
“Be mindful. Next time people ask, no matter who. If you’re not offering. Ask them, ‘How long, exact dates? Kids often stay and I need to know I can support them without complications. If you say three days, I need you GONE in three days, not three days and then gone the next morning or afternoon. Three days, gone.'”
“Be strict. Your house. Your rules.”
“Anyone who offers you unwelcome advice contrary to your rules, is someone unwilling to host others themselves but IS willing to offer you up to host. Or is looking to take advantage of you.”
“Solid. Clear.. boundaries.” – Sirix_8472
“You’re both very kind to host children who need a place to stay. F**k the ungrateful family members. How can beggars be so entitled and ungrateful? They (and the family calling you both AH) should be ashamed.” – tawandatoyou
Others agreed and pointed out that the family supporting the couple could house them instead.
“If your other family members try to say anything else, remember ‘no’ is a complete sentence, and remind them, ‘No, we are the kind people who didn’t make them sleep on the street.’ NTA.” – Glassgirl1021
“You are better than me, because I already would have told them, ‘Unlike you, we offered them a place to stay for free while they worked on their situation. I don’t remember you offering to house anyone, so you can shut the f**k up.'” – Dense_Dress_1287
“I think these AHes need a reminder of what you do for a living. If they try to say anything else, tell them, ‘We are the people who LET them sleep in our beds… which are usually reserved for foster children in need. Maybe we should room them together next time so the kids can teach them some manners.'” – wandering-monster
“I swear, if someone approached me in real life with any of these complaints, I’d smile at them, make eye contact, and ask, ‘How long did you host them for?’ Then I’d keep smiling and staring into their eyes until they get uncomfortable.” – bronny78
“HOMELESS AND DEMANDING A QUEEN BED?! Next they’ll be asking who can spare a 55-inch TV. The level of entitlement is off the charts. No wonder no one else wants to volunteer to take them in.” – Suitable-Concern-326
“Normally I’m against passive-aggressive Facebook posts, but I would be tempted to drop a standalone, ‘Apparently beggars can be choosers’ message if I were in your shoes.” – ortusdux
“Social media passive-aggressive crap drives me insane! HOWEVER… Now that they opened that door… You have every right to set the record straight and shut that nonsense down as soon as possible and HARD!”
“Don’t hold back and tell the ENTIRE STORY and don’t forget to mention jobless, homeless, rude, entitled, gossip/trash talking… talk about biting the hand that feeds you.” – tamij1313
While it’s nice to be comfortable and to sleep in the bed of your dreams, it’s a completely different story when it’s a bed being provided for you out of the goodness of someone else’s heart after you’ve been homeless.
Especially since the arrangement was for only two months, it seems like the couple should have been more grateful that they had so much time to sort out their plans, rather than criticizing all that had been given to them free of charge.