Redditor Living-Wedding2231 is a 60-year-old father who with his wife raised a son and a daughter.
Their son is bisexual, and the father decided to keep the son’s sexual identity and relationship private from his wife because her family had deeply ingrained homophobic views.
Eventually, the truth came out and there was disappointment around a special occasion.
The father visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for not bringing my wife to son’s wedding?”
The conflicted Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I raised a son(25 Male) and a daughter(26 Female) with my wife(61 Female). My wife’s parents were very racist and against anything LGBT.”
“My wife has the same beliefs as her family and it caused a lot of stress with the family. My son came out as bisexual when he was 15 and I fully supported him.”
“I made sure that he had everything he needed and helped keep his relationships private until he turned 18 and moved out. My wife found out that he was happily in a relationship with another man and cut all contact with him.”
“When our daughter moved out and graduated college, she fell in love with a guy from Australia. She invited us out to dinner to meet her new boyfriend and my wife wouldn’t even get out of the car.”
“Son and his husband had a small wedding planned this past October. When we received the invites, I asked my wife if she was going to attend her son’s wedding.”
“She argued that she wanted nothing to do with son’s relationship and would never consider his husband her SIL.”
“I went to the wedding alone and helped pay for most of the wedding. Son was disappointed that his mother wasn’t at the wedding. My wife is still very upset that I attended his wedding and keep in contact with both of them.”
“Wife is upset that I keep in close contact with both of them and will help with their finances.”
“AITA for not bringing my wife to son’s wedding?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.
“Hate is so lonely.”
“OP….you are a good father and your son and daughter – and now SIL and maybe 2bd son in law – see your goodness. As someone who’s parents didn’t go to their small dinner wedding because it was ‘inconvenient’ – I assure you, your presence meant more that you know to your son and daughter and SIL.”
“OP – don’t be fooled when a grandchild is introduced and there is a ‘sudden change in heart’ of wife. She is still the same hateful person who threw away a wonderful family all because of bigotry. There is no change of heart.” – d0mini0nicco
“NTA. Your wife sounds like a terrible, bitter person who will never be pleased. She’s not happy with your son’s partner because they’re a same-sex couple.”
“She’s not happy with your daughter’s partner because…why? Why does she want everyone to be miserable? Why is *she* so miserable?”
“How have you stayed married to this person for as long as you have? Kudos to you for maintaining your sanity.” – Pennsatucky2017
The OP explained:
“My daughter’s partner is Asian. I think she has always been miserable because of her parents. She was raised by very strict parents. My sanity has been off the charts.”
Another Redditor said:
“NTA but to be fair I’m not entirely sure how you could stay together with someone who could be so awful to their own children. What on earth was her problem with your daughter’s partner?” – donkeyinamansuit
It turns out the OP had started preparing for an escape plan, but it backfired. He explained:
“Her partner is from Australia and is Asian. There is no more love left for her.”
“I pushed through the marriage for son and daughter, but now I’m ready to leave. I have brought her divorce papers to sign and she tored them up.”
Redditors continued advising him on how to move forward with plans for separation.
“Go to court. Talk to your lawyer. You can still get divorced without her signature. You can break free.” – Expat_89
“Her tearing those papers up was just a delay in the divorce process. If you’re in the US, in most states you can still be granted a divorce even if they other partner is completely uncooperative.”
“How you can legally go about it and how long the process takes varies from state to state, but just know that you are unlikely to be forced to remain in this unhappy marriage against your will just because your wife has decided to be stubborn and bitter about it.”
“As a side note, I can’t imagine holding so tightly to ‘morals’ that result in your entire family abandoning you. It seems like a miserable, terribly lonely way to live. Why your wife is willing to lose everything like this is beyond me.” – AccessibleBeige
“You don’t need her to agree to the divorce. Talk to your lawyer, go to court, let the court end the marriage. Good for you for leaving. I hope you find true happiness and love. Keep supporting your children.” – voluntold9276
“Its the fact that shes trying to turn OP into an horrible parent just like her. That woman is really a bad person NTA.” – Plane_Caterpillar486
“This is spot on. Your wife doesn’t respect your child. You disagree about having a relationship with your child. She can’t even be civil, and it’s clearly impacted her relationships with your other child and you.”
“Your son deserves to be happy, safe, and loved. He is not with your wife.”
“You are obviously NTA but seriously why are you putting up with your wife’s atrocious and hateful behaviour.” – Neon-Anonymous
Overall, Redditors remained flummoxed over how the OP was able to stay in a marriage for so long with someone who had so much hatred in her heart.
The OP remained to get praise for being his son’s ally despite the son’s disappointment in not having his mom there at the wedding.