Anyone who has ever organized an event or dinner party can sympathize with how much work goes into creating a quality time or meal.
Especially when the host tries to accommodate everyone’s dietary requirements, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor myredditusername28 was infuriated when she realized one of her guest’s dietary restrictions were not all that serious after all.
But after receiving some serious pushback, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was overreacting to the new information.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for getting annoyed with my friend’s vegan boyfriend?”
The OP was hosting a dinner party recently.
“On Sunday, my friend and her boyfriend came over for a roast dinner.”
“(Roast Dinner for those outside the UK is beef, Yorkshire Puddings, roast potatoes, vegetables, and gravy.)”
“My friend’s boyfriend is a vegan, and I thought this would be a fun challenge.”
“When I invited them for dinner, my friend said he’s a vegan and gave me his number. He texted to say please no mixing etc of meats/animal produce.”
The OP planned a whole meal variation for the boyfriend.
“Making a roast is a lot of work, but I didn’t want meat eaters to miss out for one vegan, so I made two completely different dinners.”
“I researched the best possible way to make a vegan version that’s still yummy for him.”
“I spent a fortune on the vegan alternatives, but I didn’t mind as I invited them over and was game for a new cooking challenge.”
“Anyway, I served the dinners feeling pretty proud of myself, and the boyfriend didn’t even mention the meal, just said thanks at the end.”
“I was a little bit miffed he overlooked the work I put into his dinner but whatever.”
“Anyway, I made a non-vegan and vegan dessert, a large crème brûlée and for him, a chocolate pudding thing that was vegan.”
“I also had chocolates out etc., which were not vegan and offered coffees.”
The boyfriend surprised the OP.
“The boyfriend asked for a coffee with regular milk as he fancied ‘a treat’…”
“I must have pulled a face, no way that I didn’t, and said, ‘Ok.'”
“I was p**sed off at that point, considering the effort I went for respecting his diet requirements.”
“I returned with coffees, and he was scoffing down my part of the crème brûlée, leaving me with his vegan dessert.”
“I said, ‘That wasn’t vegan.'”
“He went, ‘Eh, it doesn’t matter.'”
The OP spoke up at that point.
“I kind of lost my s**t and pointed out how rude it was of him to ask for his dinner to be 100% vegan, as far as not cooking potatoes in certain things, and how I went above and beyond, trying to make his meal pleasant, only for him to throw it in my face.”
“He laughed and said, ‘Chill, it’s not that big of a deal.'”
“Anyway, he thinks I’m a huge AH.”
“His GF/my friend is conflicted and in an awkward position.”
“If I’ve been the AH, I would apologize to clear the air for my friend, but I feel that he should.”
The OP also added in a comment:
“When they left, he told my friend that it’s a shame I got annoyed, because it was the best Vegan roast that he’s ever had. He emptied his plate.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were infuriated the boyfriend was only a vegan when it benefitted him.
“I would make it clear to Friend’s BF that next time he’s invited for dinner, he best not say a WORD about if the meal is vegan or not because he clearly isn’t a strict vegan.”
“You don’t deserve to have to spend all this time making him a delicious vegan meal only for him to ignore it.” – BreadstickB***h9868
“OMG (oh my god), she basically cooked two separate, time-consuming recipes, keeping all of the ingredients, etc. separate to cater to the vegan boyfriend of her friend, and he did not acknowledge this except after the fact and not to her.”
“This would be the very last time I ever cooked this hard.”
“The next time he is going to be around and food is being considered, please tell him he must take care of his own needs. Bring the food you will eat, sir. I’m not cooking two meals.” – Soregular
“It’s fair for a vegan to respond to an invitation that they have strict requirements.”
“It’s also fair for the host to then respond that they aren’t able to accommodate those requirements, or to detail what they CAN do to accommodate, and leave it up to the guest whether to accept as-is, decline, or bring whatever they need for themselves.”
“Gracious hosts are entitled to expect gracious guests.” – Subjective-Suspect
“Oh so he knew the amount of work you put into a vegan roast, and he still pulled the, ‘Eh, it doesn’t matter’ stunt?”
“You have every right to be slighted and his girlfriend should feel mortified that she brought such an a** to your home for dinner. NTA” – hitch_please
Others hoped the OP wouldn’t invite the boyfriend back for a while.
“OP would be an a**hole to herself if she ever invited him over again period. He’s not worth the effort to cook for.” – AllegraO
“He would never be welcome at my house again if that was me.” – cb9504
“In the future, I would only meet them at restaurants, or I would be super spiteful and just serve snacks if he ever came to my house again.”
“Like, he would be served carrot sticks and cucumber slices without dip.” – XenosTrashBrigade
“If he comes again, make ZERO effort to accommodate his veganism. He’s apparently only a vegan just so he can be ‘special’ and make other people jump through hoops for him.”
“While that’s great exercise, it’s not necessary for you.”
“So next time, cook EVERYTHING the way you always do, and make sure that every dish has a non-vegan-approved ingredient in it. Every single dish. He can bring his own, and drink water.” – Ladyjaneinmd
Though some thought the OP was overreacting after what happened, the subReddit was appalled for the work the OP put in with so little in return.
The boyfriend’s behavior is also concerning for people with legitimate dietary concerns.
When people overestimate their needs, only to ignore those needs at the actual event, it can really hurt people who genuinely need such accommodations.