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Host Stirs Drama By Refusing To Cook Expensive Cut Of Steak Well-Done To Accommodate Guest

Brian Hagiwara / Getty Images

Everyone has their preferences.

Whether we agree with those choices or not we should usually respect them.

Right? As long as they aren’t hurting anyone else, live and let live.

Well, that was the problem facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Poecifer when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for clarity.

They asked:

“AITA For Refusing to Make a $120 Cut of Steak Well Done?”

First, the background.

“So, we did a bit of an extravagant Friendsgiving this year as I lucked into a strip loin of A5 Wagyu for a price that was unorthodox levels of cheap.”

“(My friend works for a high-end meat distributor and received it as a gift)”

“It was a tight-knit event with only 10 of us there, mostly couples including my friend who only started dating a girl within the last couple months.”

“We had an array of dishes but I was responsible for cooking the meat.”

OP explained their dedication to meat preparation.

“Steak is about the closest thing I have to a religion and I take it very seriously.”

“The average steak for me takes about 4-5 hours to prepare and cook from the sous vide to the cast iron, to plate though sometimes I take as much as 3-4 months butter aging or dry aging my meats to be certain that they are perfect.”

“These were genuine A5 so I only sous vide them after cutting them into two-inch steaks.”

“There was pretty perfectly enough for one each but I also made jerk chicken, mandarin duck breast, and a nice cut-off cherry jalapeno salmon.”

“I had quite the spread.”

“I sous vide them to medium-rare to be sure the fat was well-rendered but informed them that if absolutely necessary, I’d bring them up to medium on request.”

Everything was fine until,

“Well, here comes the new girl to the group.”

“She sees the first person cut into their steak and sees pink and she is just mortified.”

“Immediately she acts him of eating raw meat and stresses that the steak should be, ‘Brown all the way through or else you’ll get sick’.”

OP tried to educate their guest.

“I informed her that this wasn’t the case and that these steaks were actually cooked to the ideal temperature for the cut.”

“She immediately demanded that I cook hers till it was brown all the way through and I firmly said, ‘Not a chance’.”

“She proceeded to get angry and yell that it was her steak and she should have it how she liked.”

“I told her that there were plenty of other meats to choose from as well as a plethora of side-dishes that she could have but her steak was not being made well-done in my house.”

“She said, ‘F*cking asshole’.”

“Then she got up and started to stick the steak in the microwave.”

“I shot up and grabbed it out of her hand first at which point half of the steak fell onto the ground.”

“My dogs quickly got to it to which I said, ‘Well, at least it went to someone who wouldn’t shit on a good steak’.”

“From there, there was definitely tension from that end of the table.”

“They ate a little bit then hurriedly left.”


“Since then, my long-time friend and his new girlfriend have blocked me on social media and my phone number.”

“They’ve even gone so far as to block the rest of the people at the table and cut off all ties.”

“Yesterday I received a PayPal invoice from my old friend for $25 that just said, “Pay for dry cleaning of her dress’.”

“I don’t think anything actually spilled on her, I think it’s just more drama but as of now I’m ignoring it and, unfortunately, probably washing my hands clean of an old friend.”

OP was left to wonder.

“AITA here?”

Having laid out the issue, they turned to Reddit for outside opinions. 

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decidedESH

Some got right to the point.


“What a nightmare dinner party.”~pennywhistlesmoonpie



“Eating with pretentious people is exhausting.”~NUT-me-SHELL

Others pointed out a lack of manners on either side.

“She was a terrible guest and you were an obnoxious host.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I can’t even eat meat above a medium-rare temp, but when you choose to cook for someone, you don’t get to dictate how they eat it.”

“You’re gifting them a dish and they can do how they will with it in the manner they enjoy it.”

“The fact you’d rather have a dog eat the meat than the guest is pretty telling how inconsiderate and controlling of a host you are.”



“This party does sound exhausting AF…..”

“OP is an AH. The guest is an AH. They then did an AH tango.”

“This guest sounds like she was rather unpleasant and rude with her requests, but OP sounds very pretentious.”

“As long as OP got to enjoy his perfect steak, as did his friends who could appreciate it, why did he care how she chose to enjoy hers?”

“It was her steak at that point, given to her.”

“If she wanted to cook it to cardboard, and slather it in A1 – who cares.”

“No one else would be eating it, and it was already on her plate.”

“She also clearly stated she wasn’t comfortable eating a pink steak, so leave her be (even if you secretly thought she was uncultured swine.)”

“OP went WAY too far by snatching her steak off of her plate (who would even be eating that steak at that point).”

“He then ended up throwing the steak to the floor and letting his dogs eat it.”

“OP – get over yourself.”

“She was a rude guest, but you were a horrible host who ruined your own party by being a controlling AH.”~Electrical-Date-3951

There was confusion over why OP was upset to begin with.

What, actually, is your issue?”

“There are some people out there who have a problem with meat that isn’t brown through and through.”

“Why do you take it upon yourself to demand they eat it your way or not at all?”

“It’s like you forbidding someone to use salt, ketchup or mayonnaise on their fries because you think they need to be eaten ‘pure’.”

“However, the way this ‘lady’ acted was beyond rude, too.”

“Which is why I feel very comfortable to call this ESH.”~melympia

OP did return with a final comment.

“I should’ve stated that a menu was sent weeks in advance with the express point that if someone wanted their steak cooked to a higher temperature I’d really go to the grocery store and get some USDA Prime for them.”

Everyone has their preferences.

Food, in particular, can be incredibly divisive.

Remember that not everyone shares your tastes and they aren’t necessarily wrong for it.

Being considerate can be the best seasoning of all.

Written by Frank Geier

Frank Geier (pronouns he/him) is a nerd and father of three who recently moved to Alabama. He is an avid roleplayer and storyteller occasionally masquerading as a rational human.