Getting used to living with housemates is difficult, especially if they don’t respect your space.
Not being at home doesn’t mean your room becomes a free for all common area.
Redditor princess-moo encountered this very issue with her housemate. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for not letting my housemate use my room when I’m not there?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F25) live in a house with three girls, all around the same age as me.”
“During the past year, three of us have all started working from home, and one girl ‘Jane’ has been furloughed since last March. She’s finally gone back to work this month, and is working from home three days a week.”
“Now, the three of us who’ve been working have set up workspaces in our bedrooms, but Jane hasn’t been working and also has the smallest room, so says she can’t set up a desk in there.”
“She’s started working in the living room, which isn’t ideal as it makes it difficult for us to use the communal space during the day, but it is what it is.”
OP hasn’t stayed in her apartment during quarantine.
“Our country has been in lockdown since Christmas and I made the decision to move in with my boyfriend during this time. Now that we’re out of lockdown, I’m still spending the majority of my time at my boyfriends house.”
“Jane has asked me if she can use my room to work in whilst I’m not there, and I said no.”
“I thought that this was reasonable however another housemate has told me she thinks I’m being petty about it.”
OP made a case for herself.
“Some points:”
“I’ve paid full rent and bills despite not being in the house 9 months out of the last 14”
“There is a history of my things being abused by the house- I’ve had a few things broken that no-one will own up to.”
“In 2020, I was away for 5 months again due to the lockdown and when I came back, all my personal items had been removed from the communal areas (we all keep various things downstairs, it wasn’t just my stuff everywhere!) and my freezer drawer, fridge shelf and cupboard had been emptied of my stuff and filled with theirs- I don’t have an issue with this as I wasn’t there, but would have expected for it to be emptied before I returned (everyone knew when I was returning).”
“I’m not super keen on Jane anyway, she can be quite rude without thinking about it and I just don’t really want her in my space.”
“This is pretty much the only space I have that is only my space, and I don’t want someone I don’t really like in it all day every day. AITA?”
“ETA: I can’t switch rooms as I own my furniture and it wouldn’t fit in her room. I’m moving out in the summer. And I do spend a couple of days a week in my room and need to work there, just not seven days a week!”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“Definitely NTA. You’ve pay for your room and get to decide what happens with it, whether or not you’re home. Jane has some nerve expecting you to do her any favors after treating you poorly. Keep your room locked until you move out.” ~ PsychologyAutomatic3
“Unfortunately, my door barely closes, let alone locks! Gotta love shitty landlords.” ~ princess-moo
“She is gonna start using it, unless it is locked. They were disrespectful towards your things many times before. Why do you think they will respect your room now?”
“Find a way to lock your room, I would advise.” ~ Arnesis
“Definitely, especially since the other roommates agree that Jane should be allowed to use OP’s room.” ~ PsychologyAutomatic3
“And get a camera so you can confront her if she uses your room. I was in a similar situation with a landlord that just entered my room as she pleased (she did not give out all the keys and didn’t live there), so I set up a game cam (trail cam?).”
“It was motion activated and had a giant lock and sent the pictures to my phone directly. It’s a great way to get proof.” ~ annan1915
Redditors suggested OP move.
“Since you’re basically living with your bf anyway, why not just move in with him.”
“Jane gets an office, and you get the peace of mind that she won’t be disrespecting your stuff.”
“Chances are she’s already been using your room and is just asking now so she can turn around and say ‘well I asked.'” ~ MinoritySoRacismAOK
“NTA. But why not just move and give the room to her? Also, how did Jane end up in the smallest room?” ~ Idontcare100989
“She chose the smallest room, we all picked the room we wanted when we moved in. Unfortunately this was long before we ever expected to be working from home, pre-2020 we all went out to offices every day.”
“ETA- we do pay rent split on room size, which was also agreed before we moved in. I will be moving out when our lease ends in summer.” ~ princess-moo
“How big is her Room, cause I used to live at 8 square meters and managed to have a desk, bed and sitting area with two closets.”
“So things are deffo possible just gotta arrange shit right.”
“NTA.” ~ AHelmine
“Sorry I think this was edited after! I will be moving when our lease is up in August.” ~ princess-moo
“Info: if you’re somewhere else, why not tell Jane that she can use your space if she pays rent and utilities on it, and officially move out? This is your way to get out of whatever lease agreement you can. If they need you to, you can pay a smaller portion of the bills by trading rooms with Jane.” ~ its-just-paint
“I don’t want to move out or trade. I love my little room and I’ve spent the last two years making it my own, plus my furniture and stuff wouldn’t fit in Jane’s room- I own all my workspace stuff, it didn’t come with the room.”
“My lease is up in August so I can’t actually move out until then, and I want to keep my own room until then so I can use it when I’m in the city.”
“ETA: I’m not always somewhere else, maybe 3 or 4 days of the week?” ~ princess-moo
It’s OP’s space and it should be respected.