As much as most of us love the idea of finding the person we want to be with for the rest of our lives, falling in love with and marrying them, and starting a home and family together with them, that life isn’t something we can just step into for fun.
We have to grow as an individual first before we can properly provide for someone else, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, and they for us.
Redditor Possible-Ad7167 recently was sick and found herself needing to stay home from work, and instead of showing her sympathy, her husband sent her a lengthy list of chores he wanted her to do around the house while she was home for the day.
When he showed up at home, expecting dinner, too, the Original Poster (OP) wondered what she had done wrong to be treated this badly.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not cooking dinner for my husband while I was home sick?”
The OP stayed home sick, but her husband didn’t respect that.
“I (24 Female) called in to work sick today because I have a fever, aches, and a sore throat.”
“My husband (26 Male) went to work, and the only time he messaged me was to give me chores to do.”
“While he was at work, I cleaned the entire house, mopped, cleaned the bathroom, did our laundry, etc.”
But doing the list of chores was not enough for the OP’s husband.
“When he got home, I was in our bedroom putting our laundry away, and the first thing he asked was what was for dinner.”
“I told him I spent the entire day doing the list that he sent me, so I hadn’t cooked yet.”
“He got annoyed and said that since I was just home all day, I should have been able to do a simple task such as cooking.”
“I said we could just order takeout or something, but he just got upset and went to his mom’s for dinner.”
The OP felt conflicted after that.
“I don’t know what I did wrong. I didn’t call into work to be a housewife. I stayed home because I was sick.”
“AITA here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that her husband was in the wrong and that she deserved better.
“I think that a HUGE red flag was overlooked. It wasn’t you not cooking dinner that was the issue at all; it’s the fact that your husband showed ZERO empathy for you being sick. Even worse, he gave you a ‘CHORE LIST, like you were a child trying to earn an allowance to do while you were ill.”
“The h**l?! You are NTA. Your husband SERIOUSLY is, though. Being he ran to his mommy’s house after having a tantrum, I’d be changing locks or packing up and going elsewhere because I fear that this is just the start of him treating you poorly.” – Realistic_Frosting_2
“Whoa! The entitlement is strong with your husband. When he calls in sick, does he clean the house? If I’m sick enough to call into work, I’m probably staying in bed most of the day.”
“His behavior is atrocious. Next time he’s sick, I would harass the crap out of him. What bizarre behavior. NTA.” – thatisnotacceptable
“You can’t seriously be asking. Of course not. On your sick day home, you spent the day not resting but doing chores at his demand. What chores did your husband do today? Why hasn’t he cooked dinner?”
“Your husband is a grade A, certified prime AH. You are not. Definitely NTA.” – ironchef8000
“It worries me that you went along with his ‘list.'”
“You married a man who doesn’t treat you well. Does he even like you? Is he always this cold?”
“You don’t have to tolerate it, you know. You’re young and can find someone else.”
“But work on yourself first, so you never pick someone like him again. NTA.” – MypuppyDaisy
“NTA. You were SICK, you called in to work sick, and you are not supposed to spend the whole day around the house doing chores!”
“He is the AH for asking you to do all these chores and for asking for dinner and for going to his mom’s instead of ordering something for the two of you. Did you even eat?!”
“…I see a minimum of three red flags here.” – AikaNemo
“NTA. He has a lot of nerve sending you a list of chores to do when you are not feeling well. That you did all that work while ill is a sign that he is already beating you down emotionally and mentally.”
“Please, please find someone to talk to, be it a close friend, family member, or a therapist. I’ve had friends who were in abusive marriages, and the emotional and mental abuse took them years to overcome.”
“Protect yourself while you can. If you don’t have children, do not get pregnant now!” – PuzzleheadedAd9782
“You are being successfully conditioned to accept abusive behavior. Your life will not improve. It will get much, much worse if you stay with this offensive excuse for a male. I won’t call him a man because he is far from being a man.”
“A real man would have insisted you stay in bed and rest, asked what he could do to help you, picked up or cooked dinner, and then done as much of the household chores as he could. The boy you married pitched a fit and ran to his mommy.”
“Please, as so many are suggesting, do not get pregnant. Your workload will increase, and he won’t live a finger to help you either throughout a pregnancy or after with a child.”
“If you stay with him you will lose yourself. Your self-esteem, which is already suffering, will completely disappear, any pride in yourself that you had will be insulted and mocked, and any attempts to stick up for yourself will be verbally (or physically) beaten out of you. It will take you years to recover from what is being done to you if you ever manage to fully recover.”
“You deserve so much more. You deserve a man who loves and respects you. You deserve a man that protects you and cares about you and for you. What you have is none of that.”
“NTA. Please make an escape plan and do it.”
“The entitled, whiny child you had the misfortune to become involved with is a massive A H.” – shattered7done1
Others technically agreed by calling her YTA… toward herself.
“YTA to yourself for not putting yourself first. Get in bed and rest. Then rethink this relationship and how you are being treated. A febrile person has no business cleaning the house and doing laundry. Your sole job is to rest and get better. Shame on your ‘partner.'” – Kreativecolors
“YTA to yourself for doing anything this guy told you to. If you were too sick to work, you were too sick to cook and clean. You should have just stayed in bed.”
“I bet your ‘husband’ doesn’t lift a finger if he so much as has the sniffles, but you’re expected to just carry on like nothing’s wrong, right?”
“If your husband is incapable of making his own dinner or washing his own laundry, then he’s not an adult yet and shouldn’t be married. You’re his wife, not his maid.” – MonOubliette
“NTA for not cooking dinner, YTA for doing the chores. You said you were too sick to go to work. Why would you do chores?”
“This is why your husband is making unreasonable demands. Nowhere in your post did he enquire about your health. Did you miss that or did he? Read the signs.” – survivor0000
“Girl! Grow up. You and I both know YTA here. Stop playing the victim.”
“Your husband is an a** and we all know it. What the f**k? Cleaning the entire house while sick? Get your ducks in a row and leave him. Don’t be a doormat.” – Few-Conference-1579
“Why in the h**l would you call out sick to work and then spend all day doing chores? YTA for doing this.”
“Not only are you lying to your workplace and having other people cover for you about being too sick to work, but you’re literally teaching your husband that you are okay with being sick and doing chores all day long, and honestly, why wouldn’t he expect dinner to be on the table at this point with the way you are acting?”
“You need to take a good, long, hard look in the mirror and question why in the h**l you would have done this to begin with. I am guessing that you and your entire relationship with him have never given him any indication that you wouldn’t be the type of person who would spend all days while you were seriously ill doing chores and then have dinner waiting for him when he got home.” – Sweet_Cauliflower459
“YTA to yourself. Once he sent you a chores list, you should have ignored his text(s) completely and just rested or answered, ‘I don’t feel good, sweetie. Only if I feel better, I might do one or two things from the list, but perhaps none, talk to you later.’ Or text, ‘Bring me some soup, medicine, whatever you needed,’ but really, how in h**l did you think that was a good idea?”
“If this is something that you’re getting accustomed to, please, let him go and move on, you don’t deserve this treatment from anyone, let alone your husband!” – PracticalList6886
“YTA to yourself. When that list was sent, your response should have been, ‘I’m sick, won’t be doing anything but sleeping, pick up dinner on the way home, turning off phone now.'”
“People treat you the way you let them treat you. If you’re working, start planning your exit now. And for heaven’s sake, don’t have a baby with that man. Your husband is an uncaring and loveless sack of dung. That’s who he is, so he will always treat you like s**t.” – Dazzling_Mixture_311
The subReddit was appalled by what had recently happened to the OP, especially while she was sick, and even more especially because she seemed to be questioning herself. It was clear that this was not the right partner for her, and it was also clear that her husband was not ready to move out of his mom’s house yet. Rectifying that sooner rather than later would be best for all involved.