A husband who takes pleasure in doing the dishes sounds like something that must be too good to be true.
But such was the case of redditor notakitchenbthrow, who even used his lunch break as an opportunity to do the dishes.
That all came crashing down, however, after the Original Poster (OP) heard his wife make a demeaning joke about him to her friends, causing a rift in their marriage.
This led the OP visited the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow redditors:
“AITA For no longer doing the dishes after my wife called me her “dish b!tch?”
The OPÂ first filled readers in on how he took advantage of the lucky proximity of his office to his house.
“My office is only a couple miles from my house so I usually go home for lunch every day.”
“Since it is so close, I have time to do the dishes, take out the trash, switch the laundry, etc, before I go back to work.”
“I find it’s a nice use of my lunch break and helps to free up some time in the evening so I can relax more with my family.”
The OP always felt that his wife appreciated this, but his feelings changed after one fateful girls’ night.
“A couple weeks ago my wife had a few of her girlfriends over for drinks.”
“I was in the other room watching tv but I could hear them talking and laughing and I heard my wife make a comment about how she has me trained so well I come home on my lunch break to do the dishes and called me her ‘dish bitch.'”
“It really rubbed me the wrong way.”
“Even if she was just joking with her friends, it felt really demeaning to me and felt like she was putting me down so that she could feel bigger in front of her friends.”
Hurt feelings led to some rather drastic actions on the OP’s part.
“So, I didn’t do the dishes or any other chores when I was home at lunch the next day.”
“My wife gets home from work before me every day and instead of coming home to a clean kitchen and empty sink, there are dishes piled up and the trash needs to be taken out, etc.”
“When I got home my wife was doing the dishes and told me I need to give her a hand because she needs to get dinner started.”
“She asked if I came home for lunch that day and I said I did.”
“She asked why I didn’t do the dishes and I told her that her ‘dish bitch’ was on strike.”
“She stopped what she was doing and looked at me with her mouth open.”
“I told her that yeah, I heard what she said and that I don’t appreciate her putting me down to her friends just so that she can feel good about herself.”
“She said she was just joking around and she doesn’t really think about me that way.”
“I told her she would flip her sh*t if she heard me talk about her that way to my friends.”
“She said they were just joking around and it didn’t mean she actually thought that.”
“I told her I want to believe her, but I honestly don’t think she was just joking.”
“I told her I think I might just start going out to eat at lunch, or take a lunch to the office from now on.”
“She told me I was being petty and overreacting.”
“I told her I don’t think I am.”
“She then asked if I was going to help her with the dishes so she can start dinner and I said ‘No, I don’t think I will.'”
“I told her I will play with the kids to keep them distracted since we are having a later dinner that night.”
“After the kids went to bed she told me I was being an a**hole about one little joke that she didn’t even mean and I was blowing this way out of proportion.”
“I told her she knows how much she’d freak out at me if I said something like that, so I don’t think I’m overreacting at all.”
“I told her respect goes both ways and she doesn’t get to put me down to her friends to make her feel bigger.”
Fellow redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
A sizeable majority of redditors agreed that the OP was not the A**hole in this situation.
Many felt that boycotting dishes was the perfect solution after the OP’s wife made her insensitive joke to her friends.
“NTA.”
“You wife demeaned you to her friends.” – GreatWhiteNorthExtra
“NTA…”
“Even as a throwaway, ill-timed joke, your wife should be ready to acknowledge how it made you feel.”
“If the tables were turned, she certainly wouldn’t like the ‘dish *****’ title.” – RoyallyOakie
“NTA- words have power and repercussions.”
“She shouldn’t be putting you down in any way, even jokingly.”
“I think your response matched the crime.”
“Honestly, I would do less on your lunch breaks, maybe just the trash or just the dishes going forwards since she wants to be demeaning rather than grateful she has a supportive partner.”
“She could have said how lucky she was or how much she appreciated that you help out so much to make her life easier, but instead chose to be thoughtlessly rude in the name of humor.” –Â Ruckus_Riot
Many redditors agreed with the OP’s point that if the tables had been turned and he referred to his wife as the “dish b*tch,” she would not have taken kindly to it either.
“NTA.”
“You are exactly correct: if the situation was reversed, you’d be torn a new behind for demeaning your wife even if it was ‘just a joke’.”
“Respect goes both ways.”
“It’s not nice to talk about your partner like that behind their back and neither is it nice to take your partner’s actions for granted.” – Chatonarya
Others expressed their surprise at the wife’s unwillingness to accept how the OP’s feelings were hurt.
“Oof.”
“I’ve been with my partner for over a decade, and we have definitely developed some weird nicknames over the years.”
“This includes some that may sound demeaning to others if they heard them out of context.”
“With that being said, I don’t share said nicknames with anyone besides my partner.”
“While him and I know that these are playful, others do not since they have no context behind it.”
“If I heard my partner call me a nickname we shared with his friend and cackled, I would be severely hurt and would call him out.”
“While her initial comment is hurtful and not okay, what really strikes me is her diminishing what you feel (which you have every right to) and propelling this narrative that she is correct.”
“Does this regularly happen where she refuses to take your emotions into consideration and doesn’t apologize?”
“NTA, I’m sorry that your wife cannot see where she is wrong instead doubles down.” – andreaak88
The OP subsequently returned in the comments section that what really hurt him about his wife’s joke was that she didn’t see why he took pleasure in doing the dishes during his lunch break.
“That’s what really bothers me.”
“She made me the butt of a joke to make her friends laugh.”
“And to imply that she has me ‘trained’?”
“The whole thing just makes me feel less-than and unappreciated when all I was doing was trying to make our lives a little easier and to give us a little more time with the kids each night.”
The OP also clarified that dishes were not his only responsibility of his and his wife’s household chores, which he claimed were divided fairly evenly.
“It’s pretty close to a 50-50 split.”
“She cooks dinner most nights because she’s home before me, but I do more breakfasts than she does.”
“We each do laundry.”
“I do pretty much all of the outdoor chores and yardwork (can’t wait until I can buy new gutters with guards, never want to get on a ladder again) but she does more indoor cleaning than I do.”
“Childcare for our 2 kids is 50-50 as well.”
Indeed, making a joke at her husband’s expense seemed like a strange way for the OP’s wife to acknowledge his efforts to spend more time with the family.
Hopefully this “dish strike” won’t be a long one, and everyone’s contributions to the household will be appreciated once again.