Having guests is a perk of the holidays, but it’s a lot of work.
Your normal, day-to-day living space is not usually suitable for company unless you take some time to make it so. And then there’s all the cooking and cleaning and money that goes into preparing for guests.
So, understandably, Redditor No355356 was annoyed and angry at her husband when she found out he’d invited almost his entire family over to their house for Christmas without telling her. Not wanting to have to do a ton of work without her prior consent, she sharply rebuked him.
After the interaction, her husband demanded an apology.
To determine her course of action, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for feedback from objective strangers:
“AITA for refusing to apologize to my husband in writing after I cancelled all his family invitations to a Christmas celebration at our house?”
Our original poster, or OP, told us the story behind finding out her house was being used as a central holiday celebration this year.
“So to give some context, I (f[emale] 32) have been married to my husband (m[ale] 39) for 4 years. I work a full time job while he does a 3 times a week night shift. We have a 2 year old and I’m 6 months pregnant.”
“This whole drama started days ago. My husband has a large family. And on every Christmas they’d gather at his father’s house.”
“My father in law passed away a year ago and this year my husband decided as the man of the family to host Christmas at our house.”
“Unbeknownst to me, he sent out invitations for a 5 day Christmas celebration to his entire family which are about 26 members in total. I found out about it by accident and I was too shocked to react.”
The confrontation with her husband did not go well.
“I confronted him on it and he said I shouldn’t be surprised and just get used to it because after his father’s death he’s now the family’s ‘head’ and all major family events will be held in our house and in his presence.”
“I freaked out and said no this is wrong and he should’ve talked to me first before sending out any invitations to his family knowing I have other commitments like work and taking care of the house and our son.”
“He said we’ll manage if I took time off work but that means more workload later and it’d take away from my maternity leave.”
After demanding he cancel, she took matters into her own hands.
“I demanded he cancel the invitations but he refused saying ‘over my dead body’ then walked out. I ended up sending a mass text to everyone who received an invitation explaining that we will not be hosting Christmas this year.”
“He found out and went off on me calling my behavior outrageously appalling and said that I broke his word to his family and made him look small and with no authority.”
“I, in a very strict tone, replied that I didn’t sign up to host a celebration and accommodate 26 people while pregnant, taking care of a toddler and working.”
“And I don’t care if he became the head of family after his father’s death because it means nothing to me. He took offense to that and walked out almost crying.”
And now OP and her husband remain at an impasse.
“He later talked about how I disrespected his father and him with what I said and demanded a hand written apology for cancelling the event and for being insensitive towards him and undermining his authority in front of his family.”
“But I said no apology from me in any form and the issue is still up especially with my MIL giving me a stern talk about how out of line I was for disrespecting my husband’s decisions regarding the holiday celebration with family.”
“Edited To Add, he planned on sitting and telling stories of his dad while I handle everything and his family believe that as guests it’s rude to ask them to help.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Everyone told OP to run away from her husband and to keep running.
“Location is one thing. What I can’t get over is that without consulting her, he invited 26 people who she will cook and clean after for 5 days while 7 months pregnant.”
“For reference when I was 7 months pregnant I could barely put on my own socks. The laundry after they leave will have its own zip code.”
“The reason he didn’t tell her is so she would be too ashamed to refuse. I would pack my sh*t and leave.”
“I don’t know which is worse: Them having sons and their dad teaching them these ‘values’ or them having daughters that are taught you need to accept this utter bs…NTA”- Midi58076
“NTA. My eyes kept bulging as I kept reading. Ew just EW. Firstly, just for me, the idea of a head of the family is gross and yucky. Just personally ew.”
“And if my SO ever mentioned authority to me not in the context of authority over our house as the residents with respect to guests and authority over our children, I would run right to the divorce attorney. That is so gross and disrespectful and not what a partner is.”- basilobs
“It’s unbelievable to me that dudes with this mentality, like this one, somehow are fine with their wives working full time.”
“This is while he works 3 shifts a week, while she is carrying a second child. These ‘traditional’ men are so f**king full of sh*t, pardon my French.”
“I’m sorry but as someone who isn’t exactly a fan of traditional gender roles in my own relationship this really ridiculous.”
“If a man wants to swing his ‘authority man’ d*ck around the house and claim to be a patriarch he needs to at least have the decency to live up to that role.”
“His wife should have the opportunity to be a SAHM or have a job that brings her joy and purpose, and he should be the ‘bread winner’ and be working the long hours.”
“Very sick and tired of these hypocrite men seeking to embrace women’s equality only when it’s convenient for them to then leech off their wife and then have the audacity to try and pull power moves on her. F that. At least pick one, damnit.”
“Op, NTA, there are so many hard ‘Nopes’ for me in here, I mean, yeesh, he made the arrangements without telling you but yet you are supposed to do the work and the 26 guests won’t be expected to life a finger?”
“I’m sorry, that is not only rude, but are they typically hiring help/catering? I cannot possibly imagine hosting 26 people and being expected to do so without any assistance with a bun in the oven and a toddler who is just learning to go fast and grab things running around. What the actual heck?”- ItsAll42
“OP, tell him if he wants to host Christmas celebrations, he’s got the time and spoons to do it.”
“Or, since he didn’t bother to ask you first and just told you to do it, you could go spend Christmas with your family, right?”
“You don’t need to ask, just tell him you’re taking the baby with you and going to stay with your family. NTA and I hate your husband, OP.”
“What is with these types of relationship posts lately? It almost seems like a theme.”-SmileyMcTrashbag
“To make sure I understand:”
“6 months pregnant 2 year old Works full time vs his 3 days a week I’m positive she is responsible for the full care and keeping of the household.”
“And she is to care for 26 additional people on top of her regular stuff with 0 help or contribution from anyone else All while the “King” sits gazing benevolently from his throne, at the perfection of Christmas, his built in slave labor had provided.”
“News flash This is 2021 not 1721.”
“She couldn’t be less of an arsehole if she tried. Husband is a complete arse.” – gypsydiane8177
“If he wants them to go over so bad, I would’ve booked myself and little kiddo to a staycation at a nice hotel near my work place. Let him handle everything since he badly wants to take on 26 guests for 5 days.”
“Def NTA. It would have been bad enough if you were not pregnant! It’s your house too, these kind of things you plan together.” – bumkeyA
“This woman needs to go on a 5 day vacation to someone’s home or where she wants to go. Pack your stuff girl and do for you.”
“Each meal for that many must be Catered. No one person can do all of that, just no one.” – Bikerwish
The demands he made of her were so ridiculous people had some ideas of exactly how she could shove it back in his face.
“Dearest Husband. I am sorry that you do not consider me a partner, and that you have operated under the misguided notion that I am a baby maker and child raiser.”
“One that you can also task to organize, cater, and run complex and large scale family events without consultation or consideration.”
“I apologize for allowing an environment to exist that led you to believe that making such a big decision without discussing it with me and your resulting behavior and callous disregard for your pregnant wife could exist.”
“Rest assured that this will not continue. All the best and Happy Holidays. – Your wife, who is going to have a nap while you cook us all dinner. NTA”- amusingmistress
“Unless your husband was planning on doing all the cooking, hosting, entertaining and taking care of the kids, NTA!!”
“I would seriously probably leave my husband if he spoke to me like this or acted this way. You’re the one doing everything, if anything, you’re the man of the family now.”
“You work, take care of the kids, run the house, you’re the one who has the authority. Not him. And he comes from a family who thinks the same stupid stuff.”
“I also probably would have carried on as life as usual and let him deal with the fallout of having to cook and entertain, as he gave you no notice and you have a job and a life.”
“I’d show up home every day like a guest. Lol. Seriously this man and his family are raising your children with the same mentality.”
“Consider whether you want your kids to be like them. If you want to continue to endure this wild behavior. You can walk away and leave him to it.”- ElectronicAmphibian7
“I would have said ‘Aw, you’re going to host your family for 5 days? That’s so sweet and sacrificial of you!'”
“Then spent the 5 days either in a hotel or going about business as usual – going to work, taking care of my son, cooking only for myself, just saying Hi to people in passing – and let him do all the work he signed up for.”
“But while it would have been amusing, it would not solve his delusions of Authority. That is dealbreaker – in this case, marriage breaker – territory. NTA”- Reddit
“You work full time, have a toddler, and you are pregnant. He expects you to not go to work which will impact your maternity leave with your new baby so that you can host 26 people for almost a week???”
“Nope! You did the right thing! No real man would have invited that many people without consulting his wife first.”
“No real man would expect his pregnant working wife to do all that! The only other thing you could have done was let him do everything on his own.”
“He could do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and entertaining for you and his guests. Let him do everything while you rest in bed. What he did was wrong!”- Southern_Hamster_338
It’s a rare occasion on Reddit when someone is so clearly the a**hole, but every once in awhile, that post comes along.
Hopefully OP’s sense of self worth will catch up with Reddit’s opinions.