It’s said that when two people are married, they let go of their family ties in favor of the new family that’s been formed by their vows.
But some people seem to be more married to their parents than to their spouses, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor RoadIsland123 was fed up after arriving at the airport for a trip she needed and paid for, only to discover her husband had also booked a ticket for her mother-in-law without her consent.
When her husband berated her for her negative reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she should have tried to make the most of the trip.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for walking out of the airport when I saw my husband’s mom standing there with her luggage?”
The OP didn’t have a great relationship with her mother-in-law (MIL).
“I (30 Female) don’t have the best relationship with my husband’s mom.”
“From day one, she tried to make remarks and compare me to her.”
“She then tried to get on my good side and started overly praising everything I do and sometimes even copying me, like that one time when she LITERALLY dyed her hair purple just like mine, and when everyone pointed out how ridiculous she looked, she actually blamed me and accused me of trying to make a joke out of her.”
When the OP was planning an international trip, she didn’t want her MIL to come.
“My husband and I took 2 weeks off work to go visit some places out of the country, tourism in other words.”
“The thing is, I was the one who saved up for and arranged for the trip (my husband was responsible for booking the tickets).”
“My husband’s mom wanted to come along and threw temper tantrums when I said no.”
“She called, texted, sent people to talk to me into letting her come, even threatened to call the police and make some complaint up to get us to stay if she can’t come.”
“My husband said we should just take her, but I told him he was wrong to tell her about the trip in the first place.”
“He gave me an ultimatum and said he wouldn’t go if she couldn’t come.”
“I told him I’d gladly call his bluff, which made him take his words back and say, ‘FINE! I will tell her to stop it because we won’t take her.'”
But it turned out the OP’s husband had other ideas.
“Things got quieter, suspiciously quieter.”
“The day of the trip came, and we got to the airport at 2 pm. My husband was walking ahead of me and was looking left and right like he was looking for someone.”
“I asked him but he didn’t respond.”
“He lead me to the waiting area and the first thing I saw was his mom standing there with her luggage.”
“I froze in my spot, I felt a cold wave washing over me, and I was fuming inside.”
“She and my husband were hugging. That’s when I quietly turned around and started walking towards the exit.”
“My husband followed me while shouting at me to stop.”
“He tried to stop me, but I told him off in the harshest way possible.”
“He tried to say I was overreacting and that his mom was there ‘anyway,’ and I should let it go and not mess the trip up for all of us.”
“I told him he and his mom could still go and that I was going home.”
The OP wondered if she was to blame.
“I went home and sobbed into my dog’s fur for several minutes.”
“It turned out he booked her a ticket without me knowing.”
“An hour later, he came home, yelling and raging about how pathetic and spiteful I was to walk out and go home and ruin the trip last-minute.”
“I told him he caused this to happen.”
“He said that I was being so hard on his mom, it’s ridiculous.”
“I refused to fight anymore, but he kept on berating me.”
“Then he called my family to tell them that the trip was canceled and that it was because of me.”
“My family said that I shouldn’t have ruined it for myself and should’ve sucked it up and done my best to enjoy.”
“Did I really overreact? AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Plane or no plane, some didn’t see this relationship going anywhere.
“I don’t wanna call the divorce card but… divorce. You told your boundaries, you said no.”
“She crossed it. Your husband told you he would tell her no, but he lied.”
“He tried to pin you in a corner by not saying anything and bringing her anyways and got upset you refused to be a part of his little trap?? And then berated you??”
“He’s not a good man. He needs to go. NTA.” – PeanutButter_Toast_
“I want to point out that nowhere in OP’s post does she state, ‘My husband is a wonderful, caring, helpful person and we love each other so much. This is so unlike him’.”
“Very telling.” – runswithturnbucklez
“This is relationship-ending. Unfortunately, this seems less like ‘lacks a backbone’ to me, and more like ‘values his mom more than his SO (significant other) and is willing to use his backbone to sabotage SO and lie.'”
“At the end of the day, not really better for the SO, but from the outside, he looks actively harmful, rather than a grown-up kid who never learned to stand up to mom.” – RainbowCrane
“It’s not as much about if she came or not.”
“It’s that you told him what you wanted and he … agreed.”
“But he didn’t. He lied. And then expected you to be OK with it to ‘avoid a scene’.”
“That’s bulls**t, that’s not how a husband should behave, and yes, 100%, this is something where you need to consider divorce.” – CaptainJeff
“He absolutely chose his mother over you.”
“Not only that but he has zero respect for you, your relationship, or your boundaries.”
“You have a husband literally plotting and deceiving with his mother behind your back on large financial and life decisions and then gaslighting you into being at fault and weaponizing his mother and your family against you.”
“That’s hugely disturbing because it doesn’t end here and this is emotional abuse.”
“In another comment, you said you paid for the trip… does your husband have a job? What is money like?”
“I have a suspicion you’re being taken advantage of financially as well given all the huge red flags here. Is this guy and his mom freeloading off you?”
“I’d normally suggest couple’s counseling and maybe you could try it, but honestly I think this might go too far to be recoverable. This is not ok and please don’t let yourself be treated like this.”
“You need to get away and gain perspective before they warp your sense of reality even more.”
“Do you have a friend you could stay with? I’d suggest going to see a therapist to re-establish your sense of what is right and wrong and gain clarity over what decisions you need to make.” – East_Deer7419
Others pointed out that they thought the OP was the only one not at fault in the situation.
“I mean, her parents told her she was in the wrong. She obviously wasn’t raised to stand up for herself or value herself enough to not put up with this sh*t.” – RuralJuror1234
“He’s got everyone in her life involved in her abuse. She doesn’t know which way is up anymore. Everyone is gaslighting her to believe that she is somehow the problem here.” – GemAdele
“He’s gaslighting you. You know the truth and he’s telling you that you’re wrong.”
“He’s trying to make you doubt yourself. It’s a kind of abuse.” – Otaku-San617
“He is trying to make you feel crazy by saying that things are not how you see them when in reality they are probably MUCH worse.”
“I’m a family law attorney, and I agree with the divorce recommendations. I’m a lurker so for me to even comment shows how bad I think this is.” – FondantJazzLike8428
“Sometimes the divorce card needs to come out. And this is one of them.”
“Only part of this I don’t agree with… OP should have gone to the ticket booth, and gotten her ticket changed for anywhere else, and gone to enjoy herself alone.”
“Let Husband and his mother have their romantic time together because it sounds like he married his mother.” – Polypolyam
“NTA. He gave you an ultimatum- no loving partner would ever put you in that position.”
“He’s a mummy’s boy and she’s manipulative and toxic. You have every right to enjoy a holiday with your husband without them behaving like children.”
“You did the right thing. The next right thing to do is leave. He doesn’t respect you.” – RubyLarkspurr87
The subReddit was appalled by the behavior the OP was surrounded by that she somehow blamed herself for.
Some wished she had taken a trip by herself, but the majority hoped she would leave in the future for someone who would prioritize her as a wife.