It's said that when two people are married, they let go of their family ties in favor of the new family that's been formed by their vows.
But some people seem to be more married to their parents than to their spouses, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor RoadIsland123 was fed up after arriving at the airport for a trip she needed and paid for, only to discover her husband had also booked a ticket for her mother-in-law without her consent.
When her husband berated her for her negative reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she should have tried to make the most of the trip.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for walking out of the airport when I saw my husband's mom standing there with her luggage?"
The OP didn't have a great relationship with her mother-in-law (MIL).
"I (30 Female) don't have the best relationship with my husband's mom."
"From day one, she tried to make remarks and compare me to her."
"She then tried to get on my good side and started overly praising everything I do and sometimes even copying me, like that one time when she LITERALLY dyed her hair purple just like mine, and when everyone pointed out how ridiculous she looked, she actually blamed me and accused me of trying to make a joke out of her."
When the OP was planning an international trip, she didn't want her MIL to come.
"My husband and I took 2 weeks off work to go visit some places out of the country, tourism in other words."
"The thing is, I was the one who saved up for and arranged for the trip (my husband was responsible for booking the tickets)."
"My husband's mom wanted to come along and threw temper tantrums when I said no."
"She called, texted, sent people to talk to me into letting her come, even threatened to call the police and make some complaint up to get us to stay if she can't come."
"My husband said we should just take her, but I told him he was wrong to tell her about the trip in the first place."
"He gave me an ultimatum and said he wouldn't go if she couldn't come."
"I told him I'd gladly call his bluff, which made him take his words back and say, 'FINE! I will tell her to stop it because we won't take her.'"
But it turned out the OP's husband had other ideas.
"Things got quieter, suspiciously quieter."
"The day of the trip came, and we got to the airport at 2 pm. My husband was walking ahead of me and was looking left and right like he was looking for someone."
"I asked him but he didn't respond."
"He lead me to the waiting area and the first thing I saw was his mom standing there with her luggage."
"I froze in my spot, I felt a cold wave washing over me, and I was fuming inside."
"She and my husband were hugging. That's when I quietly turned around and started walking towards the exit."
"My husband followed me while shouting at me to stop."
"He tried to stop me, but I told him off in the harshest way possible."
"He tried to say I was overreacting and that his mom was there 'anyway,' and I should let it go and not mess the trip up for all of us."
"I told him he and his mom could still go and that I was going home."
The OP wondered if she was to blame.
"I went home and sobbed into my dog's fur for several minutes."
"It turned out he booked her a ticket without me knowing."
"An hour later, he came home, yelling and raging about how pathetic and spiteful I was to walk out and go home and ruin the trip last-minute."
"I told him he caused this to happen."
"He said that I was being so hard on his mom, it's ridiculous."
"I refused to fight anymore, but he kept on berating me."
"Then he called my family to tell them that the trip was canceled and that it was because of me."
"My family said that I shouldn't have ruined it for myself and should've sucked it up and done my best to enjoy."
"Did I really overreact? AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Plane or no plane, some didn't see this relationship going anywhere.
"I don't wanna call the divorce card but... divorce. You told your boundaries, you said no."
"She crossed it. Your husband told you he would tell her no, but he lied."
"He tried to pin you in a corner by not saying anything and bringing her anyways and got upset you refused to be a part of his little trap?? And then berated you??"
"He's not a good man. He needs to go. NTA." - PeanutButter_Toast_
"I want to point out that nowhere in OP's post does she state, 'My husband is a wonderful, caring, helpful person and we love each other so much. This is so unlike him'."
"Very telling." - runswithturnbucklez
"This is relationship-ending. Unfortunately, this seems less like 'lacks a backbone' to me, and more like 'values his mom more than his SO (significant other) and is willing to use his backbone to sabotage SO and lie.'"
"At the end of the day, not really better for the SO, but from the outside, he looks actively harmful, rather than a grown-up kid who never learned to stand up to mom." - RainbowCrane
"It's not as much about if she came or not."
"It's that you told him what you wanted and he ... agreed."
"But he didn't. He lied. And then expected you to be OK with it to 'avoid a scene'."
"That's bulls**t, that's not how a husband should behave, and yes, 100%, this is something where you need to consider divorce." - CaptainJeff
"He absolutely chose his mother over you."
"Not only that but he has zero respect for you, your relationship, or your boundaries."
"You have a husband literally plotting and deceiving with his mother behind your back on large financial and life decisions and then gaslighting you into being at fault and weaponizing his mother and your family against you."
"That's hugely disturbing because it doesn't end here and this is emotional abuse."
"In another comment, you said you paid for the trip... does your husband have a job? What is money like?"
"I have a suspicion you're being taken advantage of financially as well given all the huge red flags here. Is this guy and his mom freeloading off you?"
"I'd normally suggest couple's counseling and maybe you could try it, but honestly I think this might go too far to be recoverable. This is not ok and please don't let yourself be treated like this."
"You need to get away and gain perspective before they warp your sense of reality even more."
"Do you have a friend you could stay with? I'd suggest going to see a therapist to re-establish your sense of what is right and wrong and gain clarity over what decisions you need to make." - East_Deer7419
Others pointed out that they thought the OP was the only one not at fault in the situation.
"I mean, her parents told her she was in the wrong. She obviously wasn't raised to stand up for herself or value herself enough to not put up with this sh*t." - RuralJuror1234
"He's got everyone in her life involved in her abuse. She doesn't know which way is up anymore. Everyone is gaslighting her to believe that she is somehow the problem here." - GemAdele
"He's gaslighting you. You know the truth and he's telling you that you're wrong."
"He's trying to make you doubt yourself. It's a kind of abuse." - Otaku-San617
"He is trying to make you feel crazy by saying that things are not how you see them when in reality they are probably MUCH worse."
"I'm a family law attorney, and I agree with the divorce recommendations. I'm a lurker so for me to even comment shows how bad I think this is." - FondantJazzLike8428
"Sometimes the divorce card needs to come out. And this is one of them."
"Only part of this I don't agree with... OP should have gone to the ticket booth, and gotten her ticket changed for anywhere else, and gone to enjoy herself alone."
"Let Husband and his mother have their romantic time together because it sounds like he married his mother." - Polypolyam
"NTA. He gave you an ultimatum- no loving partner would ever put you in that position."
"He's a mummy's boy and she's manipulative and toxic. You have every right to enjoy a holiday with your husband without them behaving like children."
"You did the right thing. The next right thing to do is leave. He doesn't respect you." - RubyLarkspurr87
The subReddit was appalled by the behavior the OP was surrounded by that she somehow blamed herself for.
Some wished she had taken a trip by herself, but the majority hoped she would leave in the future for someone who would prioritize her as a wife.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.