Supporting your spouse during hardships is important. No matter what you may think, there’s going to be difficulties and how do you handle those with a partner?
Redditor lemkq339 is trying to do just that with her spouse, but is finding it difficult. The original poster (OP) made a very rude comment, but feels it was justified in light of what her spouse said.
However, he’s now upset, and claiming he was just offering advice. Because of how mad he is, OP can’t figure out if she did something wrong. She decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit about her situation.
OP got really upset at her husband.
“AITA for what I said after my husband commented on my flat chest?”
What happened between these two?
“My husband Jared and I have been married for 3 years. He’s currently out of work (used to work at a high paying job but got kicked out the company over a fight with a co worker) and I’m the one paying for rent and utilities.”
“We dedicate some time to see his family weekly. They don’t know he’s unemployed because he thought they’ll see him as a failure especially his mom so he told me to keep it a secret.”
“Last night we were sitting eating dinner at the table. His cousin was talking about his fiancee going to brazil to do a boob job. Jared asked if he was serious then ‘flattered’ FSIL’s boobs saying they’re perfect and that he didn’t understand why she’d get a boob job.”
“He then turned to me, stared at my chest while I was eating like an idiot (I have a flat chest, I’m insecure about it but can’t do anything about it obviously) and said ‘Hey why don’t YOU get a boob job, you’re the one who needs it the most’.”
“His mom gasped and was like ‘JARED!??’ I said ‘It’s fine!’ I then turned to him and said ‘I’ll get a boob job once YOU get an ACTUAL JOB since you’ve been unemployed for 6 months now!!’”
“He stared at me in disbelief. his mom began questioning him about being unemployed and he denied denied denied then admitted it was true. It got awkward with his mom scolding him and others shaming him for it and for hiding it.”
“He got so overwhelmed he went outside and stayed inside the car til I came.”
“He started yeling at me repeatedly ‘you coudn’t have held your effing tongue?!!,’ And accused me of turning his family against him and having them jugge then shun him now he can’t even step a foot in their house from shame and guilt.”
“I argued that his comment about my chest was insulting, but he said he was giving me a piece of advice and that there is nothing wrong with him wanting me to look pretty and that he said what he said out of support and encouregemnt, but I what I did was the complete opposite and that it was intented to hurt him and I succeeded.”
“He dropped me off at home then went to stay with his buddies. I called him later thinking he calmed down but his friend said he didn’t want to speak to me and I shoud give him space.”
OP and her husband have begun an argument. The husband insulted his wife in a way most wouldn’t tolerate.
But does that mean what OP said was okay?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for outing her husband after he insulted her by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP’s husband’s insult goes far beyond anything OP did. With OP currently supporting the two, and the husband not doing much to look for a job, it would behoove him to treat her with a little more respect.
That’s not to say that even if he were working and contributing that would make what he said about OP all right. But it certainly looks even worse.
The board agreed, saying that OP was NTA and her husband was in the wrong.
“Op he is TA. Give him a piece of advice and advice him to look for a job. He has been making you pay for everything and still has the audacity to make a bullshit comment like that?”
“Would he feel the same if you had told him that you thought he was lacking in the size department and suggested a penis enlargement procedure in front of his family? He was way out of line.” – gabc75
“Trust me, I make sure to tell him to look for a job every day but he keeps stalling and I got fed up because I’ve been carrying the load by myself while he keeps saying he needs time to prepare for work again after what happened with his coworker.” – lemkq339 (OP)
“So he:”
- “got fired for an argument with a coworker and kept it a secret”
- “insulted your body in front of his family, and then tried to spin it as a ‘piece of advice’ given out of ‘support and encouragement’”
- “yelled at you and asked why ‘you coudn’t have held your effing tongue?!!’”
“NTA.” – stubborn_panda26
“Thank you for these points, Although I felt like I went too far telling his family but it’s the truth. Also, he didn’t have an argument with his former co worker but rather a months long fight.”
“He told me he thought his co worker was being unethical but I got told that he (my husband) violated the co worker’s privacy to snoop on him and it resulted in a fight and him getting kicked out of the company.” – lemkq339 (OP)
“Seriously? This is not a man who’s worth a damn.”
“He wants you to keep his unemployment a secret, to protect his ego, tears you down (again, likely to make himself feel better whilst you are covering everything) and when you don’t stand for it, tried to frame his insult as ‘advice’ and takes off, acting as the injured party.”
“Change the locks. I mean it. It gets no better from here.”
“NTA” – JustASW
The commenters were fixated on OP’s husband. How could someone say that about their wife, let alone say that to family members?
And to top it all off, to have the audacity to say that when you aren’t contributing to the household is ludicrous. He was being hurtful to people they both knew closely.
And to try and play it off as “support and encouragement” is just insulting.
“Let me get this straight. You have been keeping a roof over your heads, paying for this man’s life, lying to protect his ego, and he sat there and insulted you over a known insecurity not just to your face, but in front of his family?”
“I am somehow not shocked he lost his last job over conflict with someone else.”
“NTA. Divorce him and, if you want new boobs for yourself, buy them with the divorce settlement, but either way you definitely need a dick reduction procedure.” – ColloidalSylver
“Insulted her after complimenting his cousin’s fiancé boobs. WTF, the guy is a complete jerk.” – onlytexts
“Yes!! Telling another woman she doesn’t need an enhancement, and then in the very next breathe saying ‘but my wife here does!!’ Husband is a Grade A AH.” – StreetofChimes
“NTA, OP. He’s been unemployed for 6 months while refusing to actively look for work and insisted you lie to his family so he can save face. Then he insulted you.”
“That wasn’t friendly advice and he knows it. That’s just another lie. The fact that he was booted from his job for snooping and fighting with a coworker is a huge red flag.”
“Is this someone you actually want to be with? Someone who insults you, lies, behaves unethically in the workplace, and refuses to pull his own weight?”
“I’d honestly give him a deadline to get a job and then I’d kick him out. But, you also need to consider whether this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.”
“He treated you atrociously. His comments to FSIL were also gross. NTA” – MaryEFriendly
“Oh NTA”
“He seriously thinks he was just ‘giving you advice’ by telling you to go get a boob job???”
“You’ve been supporting his dead weight for six months because he’s ashamed of being out of work and couldn’t control his temper at work, now he’s embarrassing you in front of his family and trying to pressure you into plastic surgery so you’ll ‘look pretty.’”
“Let him stay with his friend. Someone else can support his insensitive, deadbeat ass for a while.” – QuackLikeMe
OP wasn’t wrong for telling her husband not to insult her. If he didn’t want her to snap back, he shouldn’t have been so insulting in the first place.
Next time, maybe OP’s husband will think before being so careless with his words.