It’s no secret that some people are better at giving gifts than other people. We might even go so far as to say that they are “gifted” at it!
But that does not excuse the people who clearly put little to no thought into the gifts they’ve acquired, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor sadbeanwithdreams recently had a birthday and was curious about what their husband was getting them after he had hyped it up for several days prior.
But when their husband poisoned them by mistake, the Original Poster (OP) didn’t feel like celebrating anymore.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for freaking out at my husband’s ‘thoughtful gift’?”
The OP was looking forward to their birthday.
“Yesterday was my birthday.”
“My husband was getting on my case lately about buying too many peppermint mocha lattes from Starbucks.”
“For two days before my birthday, he is hyping up this gift he will give me first thing in the morning. So he surprised me with a homemade peppermint mocha latte that he made.”
“Sidenote: My Starbucks drink is way better.”
But the gift had a secret ingredient that scared the OP.
“The twist is he made it with essential oils that some random lady at a health food sure assured him was okay to ingest.”
“I have a panic attack after he tells me he fed me essential oils. I felt enraged and hated by him when I looked at the essential oil bottle and saw it clearly stated that it was for use in a humidifier.”
“He didn’t even read the bottle before deciding to make me this ‘sweet gesture’ with it.”
“I have never been interested in essential oils so he has no reason to think I’d want to use this, let alone ingest this.”
The OP was hurt by the unthoughtful gift in multiple ways.
“It definitely was a last-minute thought as far as gifts go.”
“We are poor so I didn’t expect a lot. But he didn’t even do the bare minimum to make an edible coffee, and we already make each other black coffee all the time so it didn’t feel like a real gift.”
“Then the drink wasn’t good and he doesn’t put any effort when he does cook (which is rarely) so I was scared to drink it to begin with. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I drank about a third of it. Good thing, since it was POISON.”
“My stomach hurt really badly the next day (today) but I’m okay at the time of posting this.”
The OP’s husband would not let it go or apologize.
“He says he isn’t the a**hole because how could he know a shopkeeper would lie?”
“I cried and was in a bad mood for the rest of the day because my husband knows I have anxiety about being poisoned and contaminated.”
“I wasn’t able to move on from this incident and had a lousy birthday despite his trying to sweep it under the rug and ‘move on.'”
“Mentally, I was trying to stop thinking about how he was carelessly willing to poison me but it certainly sent a message to me loud and clear… I might be the a**hole for not letting it go.”
“I’m at a loss because he’s still super defensive about making a mistake and trying to blame the woman at the store.”
“AITA for blowing up and telling him I was so disappointed?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were disturbed by the lack of precautions the OP’s husband had taken.
“So he bashed on the Starbucks to make it an issue and then fed you poison because he didn’t bother to read the bottle.”
“NTA. You may wish to have a very adult conversation soon. While Starbucks is expensive, it’s childish to bash it just so he can surprise you with something ‘better.’ Makes one wonder how much weaponized incompetence is being used against you.”
“Also, a trip to the emergency room in the States would be way more expensive than every Starbucks you buy in a year.” – KiriYogi
“Well, now you know your husband is illiterate, (can’t read the ‘not safe for human consumption’ warning clearly written on the bottle), and cheap… because he thinks you spend too much money at Starbucks.”
“You can forgive him for being ‘thrifty’ bcause Starbucks is absurdly expensive, but, d**n, he didn’t think to get peppermint flavoring from the spice aisle at the grocery store? I think that’s what most people would think of! Or peppermint schnapps, even?”
“It would be a long time before I ever touched anything he had a hand in making. NTA.” – YouthNAsia63
“NTA. You don’t mess with people’s food (or drinks). And salespeople don’t care as long as they make a sale and get through their shift. It’s HIS job as a consumer to do his due diligence.”
“This is such a Southern-variety ‘bless his heart’ situation.”
“He’ll complain about your Starbucks habit, but he couldn’t be bothered to investigate the (expensive) decidedly-NON ingredients for his version of the drink? I want to think ‘he meant well’ (the Yankee version of ‘bless his heart’), but I’m thinking he has more of an issue with the cost of your coffee drinks.”
“Though I’m sure the ingredients for his bootleg version were h**la expensive, the money better spent on a gift card for you.”
“Get him a humidifier for Christmas so he can PROPERLY make use of that expensive peppermint essential oil.” – SilentCounter6750
“NTA, he literally poisoned you, and then got mad when you weren’t grateful.”
“Also, his present to you, for your birthday, was a single coffee? Girl.” – Queen_Sized_Beauty
“Dear OP’s Husband,”
“Had you thought for a single second, or Googled, you’d’ve found that you can buy peppermint syrup. Non-food-grade essential oils are toxic in large quantities. Get over yourself, and stop accidentally poisoning your wife.”
“Ho Ho Holy S**t, from basically all of Reddit.” – UnhappyTemperature18
“Am I reading this right??? Your oh-so-special birthday surprise was a single drink, and that drink was literally poisoned???”
“Honey. Honey, no. You are NTA for being displeased with the gift of a single poisoned drink. No matter how much you have yelled or cried, or whatever he is trying to DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim, Offender) into being the ‘real problem.'”
“Your husband is either incredibly stupid, incredibly malicious, or incredibly careless (or all three), and deserves every iota of blame you are throwing his way.” – Primary-Friend-7615
Not to mention the fact that this wasn’t a thoughtful gift at all, others pointed out.
“I know this isn’t the point, but even if he hadn’t poisoned you, that’s kind of a s**tty gift.”
“Like, ‘Hey, you know that thing you love that I always make you feel guilty about indulging in?? I made a cheaper at-home version so you’ll stop spending money on something I deem unimportant.'”
“Wouldn’t a nice gift be… getting you a gift card so you can treat yourself without guilt in the future?”
“NTA. That is the most passive-aggressive gift. Girl, get your butt to Starbucks every d**n day if you want.” – granolaMN
“NTA. I think it was a garbage gift, to begin with. Adding the essential oils was just the icing on the cake.”
“I think one can be so stupid that it’s fair to call it malicious at a certain point. He reached that point.” – Unfair_Finger5531
“NTA. I mean, he made you a cup of coffee for your birthday, and he spent days hyping this gift? Holy lord, that sucks. I thought you were going to say he got you a gift card to buy the coffees you enjoyed so much. And, he makes it with something that’s not even food-safe? No, you aren’t the AH, despite the added info. A cup of coffee isn’t a gift.” – melouofs
“He gave you a CUP of COFFEE for your BIRTHDAY. Not a gift card for your favorite drink and not a coffee maker and the ingredients you need to make your favorite drink at home. No, just a SINGLE CUP of bad coffee.”
“But also, even if he had, among real grown people a COFFEE MAKER is NOT a GIFT.”
“Can we please stop using Christmas as a reason to buy APPLIANCES for the household INSTEAD of an actual gift for our partners?”
“A coffee maker (regardless of income) is a household appliance. Like a TV. Or Speakers.”
“That’s a group trip to Best Buy on a Tuesday after payday. Not a d**n Christmas gift.”
“GOOD LORD. At least socks are personal.”
“I CANNOT even with the passive-aggressive SINGLE coffee.”
“Throw the whole man out. It’s gone sour.” – Mountain_Speed3563
“NTA, but if your husband isn’t apologetic for POISONING YOU, it might be time to get a new one.”
“The question you have to ask yourself now is: can he or is he even willing to learn from this experience? Or is this going to continue to be a theme for your marriage?”
“If you have or will have kids, will his carelessness extend to them? Will you have to take over cooking and care for them because you can’t trust him not to tamper with their food as well?”
“Lots of stuff to think about, OP. I wish you the best of luck and hope you’re feeling better.”
“And get yourself a d**n peppermint mocha, god knows you deserve one after putting up with all this mess.” – SnooChickens9234
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a brief update.
“Poison control said I’ll be fine, and it’s probably the panic attack that f**ked my stomach up.”
“He bought the food-safe peppermint so he can redo the drink safely now. The kicker there is the place where we got the food-safe peppermint is only five minutes from our house.”
“My husband understands I’m not an essential oil gal and won’t be giving me anymore ever.”
“What hurt me the most is the fact that his pride and arrogance put me in harm’s way. If he was really that ‘thoughtful,’ he’d make sure it was food to begin with.”
“I’m not staying in a marriage where this is the type of kind gesture I can expect. He will be an ex if he feeds me essential oils again.”
The subReddit was shocked by the husband’s lack of thought and preparation that went into his birthday present to his partner, but they were even more concerned about what could have gone wrong.
Needless to say, they were grateful to hear that the OP would only put up with this once.
If anything like this were to happen again, we’d probably see something on Reddit again about Redditor sadbeanwithdreams starting off fresh and pursuing their dreams.