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Guy Livid After Wife Asks Him To Stop Taking Hour-Long Showers When He Gets Home From Work

A man showers, back to the camera

Work, family and chores.

That can often be a less than appealing life combination.

It can also be the cause of plenty of drama in a relationship.

Who takes care of what and when?

Who wants to answer?

Case in point…

Redditor Ok-Beach-4858 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for using the bathroom after work?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (46 M[ale[) am married, and my wife (38) and I have 4 kids (our youngest is 6).”

“Now I work a very physically demanding job so I have always needed to take a shower when I get home.”

“One of the biggest sore spots is that my wife does not seem to understand that this shower is non-negotiable and, ever since our first was born she has been getting upset on and off about it.”

“Even after almost 14 years she still has not grasped that I will always need to shower.”

“She complains that she has to ‘wait’ over an hour after I get home for me to be ‘any use.'”

“I’m not sure what she feels I should be doing instead since it’s not like she needs my help with dinner – and I usually just eat whatever I want to after the kids are in bed so it is not like they are waiting on me.”

“It all came to a big blow up last evening because the house was a mess and she claimed that if I would stop taking my ‘hour break’ I could pull my weight.”

“Thing is, that after a long day of physical work, the last thing I want to do is spend the rest of my waking hours doing chores.”

“She teaches at the high school so it is not as demanding.”

“The issue is that she usually gets caught up on the weekends but because she’s spent the last few weekends laying in bed (‘recovering’ from a flu – she was fine but said she was tired by weekends).”

“Now the house is a disaster and somehow it’s all my fault because I have to use the bathroom and take a shower?”

“So AITA for cleaning myself up after work?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.

“YTA. You BOTH work.”

“You both should be cleaning and taking care of the kids.”

“Just because you deem your job harder doesn’t mean she doesn’t need help.”

‘You sound so lazy and entitled dude.”  ~ RileyTheCoyote

“She teaches high school.”

“She may not be physically under demand, but the psychological exhaustion from dealing with hordes of pubescent teenagers all day is enough to make me need several naps just thinking about it!”  ~ Jade_Echo

“He treats her like a handmaid, not a wife or partner.”


“You live there, you helped make the kids, you can be stinky while you wipe a benchtop or play with a kid.”  ~ kingcasperrr

“To be fair, OP may have chemicals or harmful debris he needs to wash off.”

“But that doesn’t excuse his blatant disregard and disrespect for his wife and kids. YTA.”

“Yeah, shower, 10 minutes to do so and get dressed is quite enough time.”

“An hour is like OP is soaking in the tub with a bath bomb and a glass of wine.”

“Outrageous when his wife needs help daily.”  ~ Babziellia

“This was my thought.”

“Maybe you need the shower, I can leave that go, but for an hour?”

“What are you doing for an hour???”

“And you don’t eat until the kids go to bed?”

“What are you even doing for that time????”

“OP YTA.” ~ LaughingMouseinWI

“OP YTA. While that’s inarguably the case, and it bears repeating that he’s definitely TA here.”

“I keep seeing people on this thread talk about how he doesn’t need to take long showers.”

“I’ve taught High School, and I did both skilled and unskilled manual labor while working my way through college.”

“All of it has been demanding.”

“Showering as a teacher took about 15 minutes, tops.”

“Showering after working manual labor often took significantly longer.”

“It’s not just dust and dirt you’re covered in.”

“As a commercial painter, I would come home after spraying varnish all day and needed more than an hour to get clean.”

“Getting oil paint or stain off typically won’t take as long, but that’s only because you often haven’t spent eight hours working in a cloud of it.”

“You’ll still spend at least 40-50 minutes getting it off and washing off all the paint thinner.”

“Even working with latex paint, which is water-soluble, would require 20-30 minutes to shower because it doesn’t simply rinse off, especially when it’s in your hair.”

“That’s just what I dealt with.”

“Mechanics, welders, plumbers, and many more laborers have their own challenges getting clean.”

“None of it excuses what OP does.”

“His wife isn’t a domestic servant, and she has demands on her time that he is either minimizing or outright dismissing. He’s lazy.”

“It’s counterintuitive, but it’s true of lots of laborers.”

“She’s forced to pick up his slack.”

“I shudder to think of the filth he would live in if he weren’t married.”

“Mainly because I’ve seen how unmarried laborers live.”

“As for the suggestion that anyone who needs so long to get clean after work (especially after working with chemicals) must surely have an on-site shower, that would certainly be good.”

“Sometimes, it happens as it should.”

“Unfortunately, with the shrinking power of labor unions in many states and the diminished capacity of O[ccupational] S[afety] and H[ealth] A[dministration] to enforce worker-safety laws effectively, that’s most often not the case.”  ~ EschatologicalEnnui

“Not to mention that it takes him an hour to shower wtf is he doing in there?”

“Other than ignoring his wife and kids for as long as he can.”

“Being a high school teacher might not be physically demanding but raising 4 kids is and she does it alone.”

“YTA OP, people like you really need a wake up call and some empathy.”

“Eventually if he doesn’t realize he’ll be getting a divorce and be confused about why his wife left him.”  ~ 81darlenia

“Alllllmost said NAH because I understand needing to shower after physical work… should it take an hour?”

“No. But a shower yes…”

“THEN you typed about not wanting to do chores… and your WIFE catches up on the weekend and is recovering from the flu- that you put in quotes.”

“YTA- the BIGGEST a**hole!”

“Do you think she WANTS to do chores after work?”

“F**k no! Believe it or not- women don’t have DNA that drives them to enjoy cooking, scrubbing and caring for kids to the point it is considered enjoyable and fun.”

“Why are you not helping on weekends?”

“Why didn’t YOU clean while she was sick and resting?”

“The house should NOT be a disaster just because she is sick.”

“You have a physically demanding job at work which leads me to think you are able bodied enough to pick shit up, use a vacuum and clean the bathrooms.”

“Do you want to NO! No one does!”

“But your house, your family, your mess… whether or not you made the mess… Clean it up.”


“A v**ina and lipstick does mean she wants to do the work anymore than you do.” ~ Corgi_Cats_Coffee

“My husband drives a cement truck and does 14 to 16 hour days.”

“Sometimes 6 days a week.”

“I insist he showers before he starts sitting on the furniture.”

“Concrete dust is no joke and that s**t will destroy your stuff over time.”

“I work s relatively relaxed office job and we have no kids, so if anyone should complain about a wife having the easy life, it should be him.”

“But my husband also does dishes every night and takes out the trash/cleans the cat litter box, all without me asking… So OP YTA.” ~ Moongdss74

“Oh wow, so he’s not just A lazy AH, he’s also controlling, manipulative, abusive, unsupportive, mean, and constantly threatens his wife.”

“I thought this guys was bad just from this post, but hearing the rest of it I feel so bad for his poor wife.”

“I hope she gets the strength to divorce him, take him to court and get custody.”

“He may think he’ll get the kids because of her mental issues, but when the court sees that she takes care of everything and he does nothing but work, they’ll see he can’t care for his kids properly.”

“And she’ll at the least get 1/2 custody.”

“This guy deserves to rot in the filth he creates and refuses to clean.”  ~ Void303

“OP, YTA, and for so many reasons beyond this post.”

“It’s gotta be asked, do you even care about your wife at all or does she just exist to meet your needs no matter the expense to her?”

“You seem much more worried about dishes and money than her mental state, and were actually angry that she got help.”

“Who do you think you are to ALLOW your wife to see a therapist, and put your needs and feelings before someone you should care about being in crisis?”  ~ REDDIT

“She doesn’t need ‘help.'”

“She needs a partner that does his share.”

“It’s not helping your spouse to do your part of the parenting and chores.”  ~ Zoenne

Well OP Reddit doesn’t seem to see your side of things.

It sounds like everybody is working hard.

It could be time for a serious sit down with a neutral party.

Good luck.