Couples who have been married a few years celebrate their anniversaries in a variety of ways, whether it’s dining at the restaurant where they first met or keeping it low-key and cozying up together for a relaxing night of Netflix and wine.
Redditor Embarrassed_Eye_9243 and her husband celebrate their anniversary—and other special occasions—by giving each other gifts.
The only catch is, they tell each other specifically what they want so there are no surprises.
Unfortunately for their tenth wedding anniversary, her husband violated that rule.
She visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for being upset my husband ‘upgraded’ my engagement ring and changing it back?”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“My husband and I didn’t really have a spontaneous proposal, we just mutually agreed we wanted to get married on x date. I told him that for my engagement ring, I wanted to wear my late mom’s.”
“It’s a simple gold band with a small diamond on its own. My husband wanted to add onto it and make it fancy but I honestly loved it as is and am not into big flashy jewelry.”
“He reluctantly agreed and I started wearing it not long after. When it came time to pick out wedding bands, I chose one similar to his, gold and not flashy. I could tell he was disappointed that I didn’t want a traditional band.”
“Fast forward 10 years and our anniversary was a couple of weeks ago. I can’t wear jewelry at work and we have 3 young kids, so I tend to not wear my rings anymore unless we’re going out to eat or there’s a special occasion.”
“I keep both in my jewelry box. Every year for our anniversary (birthdays and Christmas too), we just flat out tell the other what we want so there’s no confusion.”
“This year was my turn to treat for our big dinner and he wanted this pricy tool bench that he could use for his hobby. I told him all I wanted was a new purse, sent him the link.
“Come our anniversary, he gets his tool bench and is over the moon. I notice my gift is smaller than a purse should be and open it. It’s my engagement ring, but basically supersized.”
“There’s a few other diamonds and he added an inscription. The cost of all of this was way more than the $40 purse I wanted. I was in shock and asked him why he did that. He said to surprise me.”
“I said that I liked the ring as is, it’s been in my family for a few generations and he basically ruined it by glamming it up. He got upset and started calling me ungrateful, even though I’ve told him several times throughout the years that I don’t like flashy rings and I wanted to keep it the same.”
“He refused to tell me where he got it done, so I had to do some digging and paid for it to be mostly reverted into its original state, though they were wary about removing the inscription as the ring is so old. I did end up paying a hefty chunk.”
“My husband is continuing to call me ungrateful and says it was a present. I told him I didn’t like it and he should’ve checked with me before making those changes.”
“AITA?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA That was incredibly insensitive and selfish of him. I have no idea why he didn’t just get you a flashy anniversary ring if it matters to him that you have a flashy ring (that you would then never wear). Damaging your family’s heirloom for his ego makes no sense to me.”
“I would be dragging him to couple’s counseling so someone else can take the time to explain why what he did is awful.” – pizzamartini
“My bet is that he thouth when she wears a flashy ring everyone think her hubby is so great to buy her such a expensive ring.”
“If the ring is plain the people think that her hubby is stingy and they feel bad for her. So it was a present for his ego.”
“He is an insensitive a**hole. I would let him sleep on the couch till he knows he did something really wrong. NTA.” – Acceptable-Abalone20
“100%. This was all about him and how it would make him feel and look to others for being ‘such an amazing husband and buying such a beautiful gift.’”
“Unless it was discussed prior, most family heirlooms are not ‘glammed’ up or altered for that matter because of its sentimental value. He basically took a memory passed down in her family and destroyed it to give himself an ego boost.”
“Makes me wonder though if there are other things he does in this marriage that completely disrespects his wife’s wishes, because typically behavior like this is not a one off thing.” – ieatnoodlesw_sticks
“He should have got her the purse then put a diamond bracelet or something similarly ‘flashy’ inside, she gets exactly what she wanted and boom! bonus inside.”
“Way better gift. NTA.” – Acceptable_Inside_13
“NTA but I think the husband has been holding on to resentment Abou the wedding rings dor a long time. I think he wanted to change your mom’s ring to kind of make it your own.”
“He does have the right to chose what gift he gets you but if he wanted to upgrade a ring to make it flashy it could’ve been a new ring or he could have upgraded your wedding band. For him to mess with your family heirloom like that is highly insensitive.” – got_toaskthis
Redditors continued admonishing the husband for “glamming” up a prized family possession.
They also believed the purchase of an additional, fancier ring would have sufficed instead of tampering with the OP’s heirloom—which he was strictly advised against doing.