Traveling can be really fun, but it’s typically better when you can do it with someone you care about.
Especially on long flights, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But Redditor djuejejnu didn’t see what the big deal was when he received the opportunity to upgrade his seat to business class, though that didn’t include his wife’s seat.
When his wife was upset that he’d upgraded without her, the Original Poster (OP) questioned if he should make other arrangements.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for upgrading to a business class ticket while my wife sits in economy?”
The OP was about to travel with his wife.
“So I (25 male) and my wife (24 female) are going to the United States from Japan for a month for vacation.”
“When we booked the tickets, we initially thought that we were going to be sitting next to each other, but I had the option to upgrade my seat to Business, with miles and I did.”
“They were my miles, so I couldn’t use them to upgrade her seat.”
The OP’s wife wanted to sit with him during the long flight.
“Well, my wife is not too happy about that because she wanted to sit together on the 12-hour flight.”
“It’s overnight, so we’re gonna be sleeping the whole flight, so I didn’t think it mattered.”
“I told her that and she got upset, because she thinks I chose business class over her, and that’s rude apparently.”
The OP’s wife wanted him to amend the situation.
“I said to her that she’s just jealous (in a teasing, joking way), and she got upset and told me to ask the airline to see if I can switch my seat back to economy.”
“I said h**l no, because I’m not going to miss my opportunity to sit in business class (which looks amazing by the way, look up ‘ANA the room’).”
The OP didn’t see the issue.
“In my eyes, it’s just a 12-hour flight, and it doesn’t matter if I sit next to my wife or not.”
“If it’s really bad, though, I still have a week before my flight to maybe get it changed.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some could not believe how the OP was treating his wife.
“YTA.”
“If there’s only one upgrade, my Mrs would be offered it first. Then she would knock it back bc she would prefer to be with me than be comfortable alone.”
“Which is sort of what marrying someone is meant to mean, don’t you think?”
“I wouldn’t cash in miles until there was enough to either:”
“A. to upgrade us both, or”
“B. to buy us both a vacation trip.”
“Jesus f**king Christ, you don’t know how to be married at all.” – Icy_Push3877
“YTA. You literally ditched your wife and then mocked her. You are absolutely the a**hole here and she is completely right to be upset.” – MIMOSABESTGIRL
“This was such a douche move. How would you feel OP if she did that to you?”
“You obviously value your comfort over your wife which doesn’t bode well for marriage longevity. Good luck, you’re gonna need it . . . oh and YTA.” – Khanover7
“A move like that would make me think long and hard about my marriage. What good does my husband do for me that makes up for this kind of egocentric behavior?” – Ecstatic_Long_3558
“Wild speculation incoming:”
“They’re taking a month-long vacation in a fairly expensive place (at a pretty selfish time to be pleasure-traveling but whatever).”
“OP was in charge of booking the tickets. Even an economy ticket from the US to Japan is ~$1K so he must make a solid amount of money.”
“He’s very young so he probably got into something lucrative like tech right out of college. Everybody I know who fits that description has a screwed-up attitude toward money and personal relationships.”
“That’s 100% the vibe I’m getting here, especially because he’s ‘fixed it’ by caving and buying her a business class ticket too. Except there are some problems that can’t be fixed by just throwing more money at them.”
“Unless they’re flying over on the plane from ‘Inception,’ there is no way to wipe his wife’s memory of him being so oblivious to his own selfishness that he had to be told by the d**n internet to shape up. If I were her I’d probably be thinking about it for the entire flight.” – Vilnius_Nastavnik
“I have status with an airline, and my fiance does not. When we fly together, not only will I only accept seat upgrade bumps if we both get bumped, but if it’s shorter than 3 hours, I’ll sit in the middle seat next to him.” – Catsdrinkingbeer
“My partner has quite a lot of airline points, I don’t. Either we both upgrade or neither of us does. He wouldn’t even think of sitting in business class while leaving me in economy, even on a flight for an hour/hour and a half (our usual flight length), let alone 12 hours.” – NecessaryBunch6587
“I will say, I am a cheap b**tard with tiny little legs, and my husband is a tall man – had this been us, I could see us having the conversation about only him upgrading.”
“But that’s the key part there: having the conversation about a future event.”
“Complicated I know, but marriage is hard!” – AinsiSera
“Also… I once had a 12-hour flight next to an extremely creepy man… If there’s any chance I don’t have to sleep ‘alone’ in an airplane, I’d be really upset if my husband not only chooses to not sit with me, but also upgrade himself and not both of us, and then mock me! YTA.”
“(I know most men aren’t creeps.)” – airisu86
“If this happened with my hubby and I, he would have immediately paid to upgrade my seat. Then he would have been like, ‘Babe, we got 2 upgrades for the price of 1!'”
“OP – I can’t believe you think you are right here. You even were bragging about the benefits you were getting in this post.”
“I mean, if it’s only 12 hours, as you say, then what’s the big deal about the benefits? Or why couldn’t you just use the upgrade for her seat?”
“You know you’re being a hypocrite in your argument to your wife, you just don’t care because you’re selfishly making the decision about what’s best for you.” – iMOONiCORN
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“Yeah, I’m the AH. I’m buying her the upgrade to sit next to me in business.”
“I offered to switch seats, but she really wanted to sit next to me, I guess.”
But others didn’t think the upgraded ticket would be enough after how the OP behaved.
“This is one of those things where eventually buying her the upgraded ticket was certainly the right thing to do, but at this point, the damage has been done, and upgrading her ticket won’t fix it.”
“This lapse in judgment has shown her what kind of person he is, and what kind of partner he is, and it’s gonna take a LOT to fix this.” – VisualCelery
“The only possibly feasible way outta this mess is to not buy another business class ticket, but swap places with his wife.”
“Then he’s taking the ‘punishment’ of Economy Class, while she’s getting the upgrade of Business and the ‘I fucked up and I’m sorry’ schadenfreude of being in Business while he’s back in steerage class.” – roferg69
“I would be extraordinarily upset.”
“‘I’ll go enjoy my flight from this amazing seat, good luck back there cramped with strangers! I’ll let you know how my drinks and full lounging chair are!'”
“For a TWELVE-HOUR, cross-continental flight.”
“What an AH.”
“YTA and you’d better do some groveling here, or be prepared to pay for this down the line, because I guarantee you will.” – shelballama
“I’m glad OP has accepted his judgement, but how funny is it that he thought sleeping the whole flight was a valid excuse?”
“Like hey my guy, maybe your wife would prefer sleeping next to you rather than a stranger?” – RudyTheSquirrel
“I hope their hotel room in the United States has a sofa, because guess where OP’s sleeping for the next month?” – Either_Coconut
“Seriously, hey? How the h**l is a douche like the OP married?”
“And look at his edit now, saying he’s upgrading her to business. The guy needed to come on Reddit to be told to be a decent husband? What the f**k.”
“OP, you’re a huge AH, and you should be thankful as f**k to have a wife who puts up with your bulls**t.” – Mightymiggs
“YTA. You never know—your wife might not be able to sleep on planes.”
“I once flew from the UK to New Zealand via Dubai—door to door it was probably over 36 hours. Our second flight was I think 17 hours (of course by then I’d been awake quite some time with getting to the airport early, the first flight, the connection, etc…).”
“I slept 3 hours on that flight. Just 3.”
“And that was with my husband next to me, and me having a window seat. I struggle to sleep when traveling (even by car), and I can’t imagine I’m the only one.”
“(I crashed so hard when I got to our accommodation, because those 3 hours were the only sleep I got over the entire journey, and they were just from exhaustion—not quality sleep.)” – JustHavingAMooch
“WTF. You upgraded your seat knowing it would be more comfortable (12 hours in economy is miserable) and had zero concern for your wife’s comfort.”
“Not only are YTA you’re also kind of a horrible husband.” – MaryEFriendly
“YTA, and honestly it sounds like you have some growing left to do. But, you’re only 25, and it’s possible you haven’t had a lot of reason to need to grow up yet.”
“But in a marriage, you should want to spend extra time with your spouse. I’ve been married for 22 years, since I was 16, and I would be devastated if my husband so easily ditched me for a 12-hour flight.”
“The funny thing is, I would probably at this point encourage him to take the upgrade (he would resist), because he’s 6’1″, has a bad knee and a bad neck, and 12 hours crammed into tiny seats would make him hurt for days.”
“Whereas I’m 5’3″ and can manage it better. But it would take a ton of convincing to make him take it, and I would secretly miss him the whole flight.” – UniversityGold1689
“If you guys were older and had been married for 15-20+ years, it may not seem as bad because in that scenario, you guys would be married so long that you might have thought it was ok.”
“But even in that scenario, chivalry alone should move you to upgrade her seat over yours.”
“Now, seeing as how you guys are young, it really brings into question of how much you really cherish and adore her.”
“A 12 hour flight, whether of not you’re sleeping through most of the way, is very difficult to endure. Having your significant other by your side is what usually makes it a little easier.”
“You chose to make your life easier and let her ‘suffer’ alone.” – Professional_Hat284
While the OP thought the option to upgrade to business class was a no-brainer, the subReddit insisted the real no-brainer should have been to either stay with his wife or upgrade her seat, so she could sit comfortably with him.
A 12-hour flight is a long one, and especially as a female flyer, the OP’s wife had a lot of reasons to not spend that whole flight sleeping, especially if she wasn’t accompanied by someone she trusted.
Plus, long flights and drives are just more fun when you’re with someone you care about.
The OP returned with an update after receiving his judgment.
“Yeah I’m the AH, I’m buying her the upgrade to sit next to me in business.”
“I offered to switch seats but she really wanted to sit next to me I guess.”
“Since so many are asking, they were my miles and I couldn’t use them to upgrade her seat.”
It looks like the OP took Reddit’s feedback to heart.
The future is looking brighter for this couple’s flight.